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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Pulled bf up on shorty behaviour .. He has fixed it .. why do I feel so insecure ?

32 replies

nourishing · 03/02/2022 20:49

Just that really. I stated my boundaries. He accepted what I expressed. He apologised and changed behaviours immediately.
So why do I feel so shit?

OP posts:
Original poster
nourishing · 03/02/2022 20:56

Shitty... a one off ..

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/02/2022 20:57

Because you shouldn’t have to have told him? Because you don’t trust him? Because you don’t do things like often and it feels weird?

Original poster
nourishing · 03/02/2022 21:01

Not sure .
Many would say I'm controlling as I had issues with him having exes on Facebook
And he liked their photos.
Others would say It really upsets me so I was right to express that.
I'm not sure.

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/02/2022 21:06

Do you think you were fair? It sounds like you’re doubting yourself even though he accepted it.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/02/2022 21:08

Sounds like you need a new boyfriend. You aren't suited.

Original poster
nourishing · 03/02/2022 21:10

I find it hard to know what's right and wrong.I read such conflicting advice here and I have been burnt before.
I don't want him to want to interact with exs.. he has deleted them all. I feel controlling now.

OP posts:
Original poster
nourishing · 03/02/2022 21:10

Why do you say that@Aquamarine1029

OP posts:
CallMeNutribullet · 03/02/2022 21:13

@nourishing

I find it hard to know what's right and wrong.I read such conflicting advice here and I have been burnt before. I don't want him to want to interact with exs.. he has deleted them all. I feel controlling now.
You sound it tbh.
Aquamarine1029 · 03/02/2022 21:13

He wants to maintain contact with ex's, you don't like that. Neither one of you are wrong but you're not suited for each other.

Original poster
nourishing · 03/02/2022 21:15

Ok thanks

OP posts:
changeling86 · 03/02/2022 21:15

You might just be a bit incompatible when it comes to some thing, many people are. It doesn't mean either of you are right or wrong.

We've been together over a decade and are both friends with some exes, so we have them on social media. But one of my friends split up with her partner over it.

Do you generally have trust issues in the relationship?

Original poster
nourishing · 03/02/2022 21:16

Yes

OP posts:
Casper001 · 03/02/2022 21:19

@nourishing

I find it hard to know what's right and wrong.I read such conflicting advice here and I have been burnt before. I don't want him to want to interact with exs.. he has deleted them all. I feel controlling now.
Take what is said on here with a pinch of salt. It's not real life with the quick conclusions/condemnation and over simplifications
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/02/2022 21:39

Why were you threatened by him interacting with them? Sounds like he was doing it in full view and then did what you asked so it doesn’t sound sinister.

Are you ready to be dating?

Original poster
nourishing · 03/02/2022 21:42

I dunno. They're exes . They belong in the past in my view

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 03/02/2022 21:44

Loads of people are friends with their exes though. It’s over for a reason, some people salvage a friendship that doesn’t threaten a new relationship.

If you don’t trust him that’s another issue.

On one hand he’s not that fussed by them if he’ll ditch them for you. On the other maybe he’s sad or annoyed but didn’t want to upset you.

changeling86 · 03/02/2022 21:49

@nourishing

I dunno. They're exes . They belong in the past in my view

But what if they're now friends with no feelings towards each other?

Was he liking normal holiday/pet/funny photos? Or sexy pouty photos? Can he have female friends?

This sounds like your problem, not one of his making.

Aquamarine1029 · 03/02/2022 22:07

@nourishing

I dunno. They're exes . They belong in the past in my view
He disagrees, as do a lot of people. That's why you're not compatible.
Pinkbonbon · 03/02/2022 22:23

There has to be more to this surely? Did you have an ex cheat on you with their ex? Or was your current boyfriend liking his exs bikini photos or something? Or has he form fir comparing you to his exs? Or banging on about them all the time?

If so then I understand why you wanted the blocked. But really the relationship has much bigger issues.

Otherwise I don't know why its an issue was and it is controlling of you to ask him to remove his exs.

If you have this level of insecurity then you either shouldnt be dating him or shouldn't be dating at all.

Original poster
nourishing · 03/02/2022 22:39

My ex cheated

OP posts:
Karwomannghia · 03/02/2022 22:49

I’m still friends with a lot of my exes and would not like my dh to say to block them at all! I think you feel bad because you’ve made him feel guilty for something that could have been completely innocent.

Pinkbonbon · 03/02/2022 22:49

@nourishing

My ex cheated
OK so, that's the route of things then. Rather than address your insecurities, you've kinda just foisted them onto a new partner. And that's a you issue. Not a him issue.

No one else is responsible for your exs behaviour. And theres nothing you can do to stop someone who wants to cheat from cheating. But your partner has given you no indication that he is a cheat right?

So why don't you trust him? You should be able to trust someone until they give you cause not to. Still having exs on fb, is not cause.

I think you might be wise to have some personal councilling. Otherwise, you'll ultimately drive this man away. If his boundaries were healthy, he should probably have broken up with you for that request tbh. Maybe he sees your damage and hopes you will address it soon.

Don't let your past, ruin your future.
Also, ince you are ready, you owe him an appology.

OogieBoogiePoinsettiaPlant · 03/02/2022 22:58

Everyone has their boundaries. I don't like this whole 'I am best friend with my ex' either and I would actively avoid dating anyone that fell into that category.

You stated your boundaries, unless you held him at gunpoint and he was sobbing as he deleted his exes from his social media, he had the choice to tell you to fuck off if he found it so appalling and gutting.
If he was meh about the whole thing and didn't care much about deleting them then don't stress about it.

deathofastrawberry · 03/02/2022 23:04

Are you the same poster from the other day about your bf replying 'hello' to an ex?

Dillydollydingdong · 03/02/2022 23:10

I can understand why OP is feeling a bit worried about it. Luckily my dp doesn't keep in touch with his exes. I don't know how I'd feel if he did but I don't think I'd like it. Her Ex must be very fond of her to delete them.