Pulled bf up on shorty behaviour .. He has fixed it .. why do I feel so insecure ?

[nourishing]

Just that really. I stated my boundaries. He accepted what I expressed. He apologised and changed behaviours immediately.
So why do I feel so shit?

The fact your ex cheated isn’t his fault or his problem. If he was having secret, flirtatious chats with his exes then yes, he was in the wrong. If he simply has them as friends on his social media and likes their photos of mundane life things like their dinner and holiday snaps, then you’re being ridiculous. People can be friends with exes. If someone asked me to delete anyone or anything off my social media I’d be deleting the partner, not the people on the internet!

OP, all’s well that ends well.

You spoke to him about him keeping in touch with exes on social media (you respected your own boundaries). He agreed to unfollow/delete them (he respected you/your boundaries).

I don’t see the problem unless he did it under duress?

Of course, if you issued demands and ultimatums that puts a whole other slant on it.

I wouldn’t be okay with my partner if he was actively keeping in contact with exes on SM unless he had a reason to be (eg. a child together) and it could well be a deal breaker for me, depending on how he handled the conversation.

One of my exes cheated but both my boyfriend and I have exes on facebook. I don't really keep in touch with my exes other than some facebook engagement but my boyfriend chats with some of his exes on email /WhatsApp. I don't have a problem. I trust him and he's got every right to be friends with whoever he wants to be friends with. If he wanted to be with them, he would. I have access to his phone and he leaves his email page etc open. He's not hiding anything.

Have you been together long?

I really don't think that keeping in touch with an ex is 'shitty behaviour'. You might not like it, but you should be able to see the it is not an automatically bad thing. Lots of people are friends with an ex and there is nothing shitty about it.

@pinkbonbon hit the nail on the head, I'd listen to them OP.

@nourishing

Not sure . Many would say I'm controlling as I had issues with him having exes on Facebook And he liked their photos. Others would say It really upsets me so I was right to express that. I'm not sure.

Good boundaries is 'I don't like it when you do that, and it's not something I'd accept in a partner' This gives the other person a chance to decide where their boundaries are, and whether they'd choose to not be with you, or amend their behaviour.

Controlling is 'You need to stop doing that, because I don't like it.'

Good boundaries is something you say about you. Controlling is something you say about the other person.