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Original poster

For those in relationships of around two years and in their late thirties/ forties...

39 replies

beetrooted · 03/02/2022 13:44

What role does social media play in your relationship ?
Are you friends? Do you interact?
Do you acknowledge each other or post stuff that you do?
I'm an old dinosaur and had no social media presence before I met my current partner after a long long marriage .
Wondering what's acceptable regarding ex partners/ wives/ husbands and interaction?
Does sm mean anything or is it all
Fake?

OP posts:
Original poster
beetrooted · 03/02/2022 16:21

Sorry I meant @ComtesseDeSpair

OP posts:
Original poster
beetrooted · 03/02/2022 16:22

@MeSanniesareBrannies He doesn't know I feel like this. I've just been musing.

OP posts:
Original poster
beetrooted · 03/02/2022 16:23

But isn't the online world real for people who interact daily with other gamers and friends who they can't or don't see ?

OP posts:
SortingItOut · 03/02/2022 16:25

I've been with my partner just over 2 years, he only has Instagram, we follow each other and thats it.

I rarely post anyway and generally only post photos of us once or twice a year (no tagging of names).

He follows loads of people/businesses on Instagram and has most of his friends on there. I don't think any are his ex's bit I haven't asked.

He likes most posts on Instagram, its a way of remembering what you've seen.

MeSanniesareBrannies · 03/02/2022 16:29

@beetrooted

But isn't the online world real for people who interact daily with other gamers and friends who they can't or don't see ?
Perhaps it is. So what? Why is this a problem?
TheFoundation · 03/02/2022 16:33

but I have a bad experience so I'm possibly looking for problems

I think it's important to respect this, rather than dismiss it as you 'having an issue' that you need to sort out. If your partner does something that crosses your boundaries, it doesn't matter how 'normal' it is. Maybe you need a partner who doesn't spend much time online? That's how I was, and not even due to a bad experience. Just a preference. I dated someone who constantly checked their phone, even for the news; they weren't doing anything wrong at all, but it drove me bananas. Now I'm in a relationship with someone who refers to the internet to look something up occasionally, if it comes up in conversation, but is otherwise not engaged with social media at all. It's lovely.

Find people who meet your needs. Don't try to alter your needs to fit in with the people you find. That's why it's not good to look for 'normal'; it potentially leaves you in a position of putting up with something you're uncomfortable with, because lots of people do it.

Lovemusic33 · 03/02/2022 16:35

I don’t see a issue. I have lots of friends on social media and I have several ex’s on fry friends list, most of these people I never see in real life.

PopGoesBang · 03/02/2022 16:45

We both have social media. Some the same, where we've added each other and occasionally tag each other. I'm on FB he isn't, have my dd's dad on there - although have blocked him from seeing my posts and don't have him come up in my feed. Dp does some game things and is on forums for that - I have no idea how they work.
We openly talk about all of these things. And show each other posts/stories etc. Never an issue if either of us pick up the others phone to google something or whatever. Which to me makes it all ok, if there was ever anything I was worried about I'd ask him and vice versa.
Think SM and it's use varies so much person to person.

Isitreallyme12777 · 03/02/2022 17:54

I post bollocks on Facebook, usually some silly meme or joke I've found funny. I use Instagram to post pictures of my cats and scenery (I hate photos of me). Occasionally I post something like my personal best at the gym, or a comment on rugby or football or tennis things I know people are watching. Sometimes I do a personal post like when my cat died or when a friend died. I'm not one for posting every detail of my life. I know people who do and I just don't get it.

Original poster
beetrooted · 03/02/2022 19:30

I definitely look for problems. I hate that about myself. It's a self protective thing.

OP posts:
TheFoundation · 04/02/2022 09:18

You've had a bad experience, so your defences are up to keep you protected. That's healthy. It's not something to hate.

altmember · 04/02/2022 09:47

I do have some of my exes as friends on SM, but none of us tend to post very much.

I'm FB friends with my current partner, but we rarely interact. Neither of us are prolific SM users though. We don't have our relationship status set as together on there. In fact my partner's relationship status still says single (mine isn't public).

Social media can be addictive though, I don't really get people who befriend people online who they don't actually know, some people seem to treat it as though it's a fantasy world on there, a bit like Second Life or something. They seem to thrive off of likes and follows, all seems a bit shallow really.

Isis1981uk · 04/02/2022 13:49

Age 40, relationship of 3.5 years (both been married before):

What role does social media play in your relationship ? None. I'm very active on social media and he doesn't use it at all, so there's no issue.
Are you friends? Do you interact? Yes, we love chatting and having fun together - I would tell him anything before I told anyone else, and we have each other crying with laughter often!
Do you acknowledge each other or post stuff that you do? I post about what we do on FB etc but he doesn't see/use FB.

I hate snobbery about FB. So many people b*tch about people using it as it was intended to be used. No one is forcing them to use it, and it's those people who lurk, never posting themselves, but laughing at those who do, who are ridiculous.

Isis1981uk · 04/02/2022 13:50

@Isis1981uk

Age 40, relationship of 3.5 years (both been married before):

What role does social media play in your relationship ? None. I'm very active on social media and he doesn't use it at all, so there's no issue.
Are you friends? Do you interact? Yes, we love chatting and having fun together - I would tell him anything before I told anyone else, and we have each other crying with laughter often!
Do you acknowledge each other or post stuff that you do? I post about what we do on FB etc but he doesn't see/use FB.

I hate snobbery about FB. So many people b*tch about people using it as it was intended to be used. No one is forcing them to use it, and it's those people who lurk, never posting themselves, but laughing at those who do, who are ridiculous.

Sorry, with the second question you meant 'online' interaction! No, we're not SM friends as he doesn't use it.
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