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Original poster

Dating again as a single mum?

40 replies

RedCandyApple · 03/02/2022 12:25

Did anyone stay single or did you meet someone else and if so after how long? I’ve been single for 5 years now and I would really like to meet someone but I never get a day away from my children (father not involved) is it possible to date if you never get time away? If so how did you make it work?

OP posts:
SallyAnn32 · 03/02/2022 19:23

I had a really bad break up from my exh and my self esteem was at an all time low due to ex's affair. My sister suggested going on bumble to chat and for self esteem boost and I met someone almost instantly. We chatted for months and we really got on. We met up in person a few times and then lockdown hit and we chatted on FaceTime a lot and then met outdoors with my kids when we were allowed to meet up. He was introduced as my sisters friend - she and my BIL came with us as supper - and the kids liked him instantly and he just started coming to hang out in the garden with us in the summer months and it just went from there. When rules allowed he would come over in the evening when the kids were in bed and leave before they woke up or just stay for a couple of hours. It was hard at first but it just developed into a relationship where he got more and more comfortable with my girls and them with him and he moved in recently. We've been together 2 years now.

It is hard being a single mum because we don't get any childless time to ourselves but I'm lucky with my situation because he doesn't have children of his own and loves my girls as much as they love him. It helps that he's been happy to have date nights in. We've had a couple of child free nights out very occasionally.

You'll get there and it will probably be really unexpected like mine was 💙

SallyAnn32 · 03/02/2022 19:26

Should mention that my ex is useless. Our DD1 has nothing to do with him and DD2 is hit and miss when she sees him. They're 10 and 7 so still need me a lot and no family nearby to help.

SallyAnn32 · 03/02/2022 19:26

@SallyAnn32

I had a really bad break up from my exh and my self esteem was at an all time low due to ex's affair. My sister suggested going on bumble to chat and for self esteem boost and I met someone almost instantly. We chatted for months and we really got on. We met up in person a few times and then lockdown hit and we chatted on FaceTime a lot and then met outdoors with my kids when we were allowed to meet up. He was introduced as my sisters friend - she and my BIL came with us as supper - and the kids liked him instantly and he just started coming to hang out in the garden with us in the summer months and it just went from there. When rules allowed he would come over in the evening when the kids were in bed and leave before they woke up or just stay for a couple of hours. It was hard at first but it just developed into a relationship where he got more and more comfortable with my girls and them with him and he moved in recently. We've been together 2 years now.

It is hard being a single mum because we don't get any childless time to ourselves but I'm lucky with my situation because he doesn't have children of his own and loves my girls as much as they love him. It helps that he's been happy to have date nights in. We've had a couple of child free nights out very occasionally.

You'll get there and it will probably be really unexpected like mine was 💙

As support 😂 not supper 🤦🏻‍♀️
jfhguseorjgijaerigjarfgj · 03/02/2022 22:32

My LO father not involved. I was single for three years until I met someone shortly after dating apps. We started dating once a week for lunch - on my day off and his work was flexible. We did this for some months before we were able to spend a weekend together when my LO went to my parents. After a while, LO was old enough for babysitters (age 4), then we became serious and moved in, by which time we'd been together about a year.

Original poster
RedCandyApple · 03/02/2022 22:50

I’m glad to hear you both made it work, I still can’t really imagine how I can make it work for me but I feel more confident now that it is possible, did you find it hard to find people that were available in the day to date? I imagine that really limits the dating pool?

OP posts:
SallyAnn32 · 03/02/2022 23:51

@RedCandyApple it just sort of worked for us by luck I suppose. We had our first date one Sunday when my DD's were at a 3 hour birthday party. I said I had plans so I had to leave at a certain time because I didn't want to look like the time restricted mum I was.

The second date was an evening date and I did get a friend to sit with the kids for a few hours while we had a nice meal. They were in bed before I went so my friend just sat and did work. I drove into the town centre so it was a good excuse not to drink too much. I was nervous as hell though.

The rest of the time the kids have been around when it was park or garden and we didn't even sit next to eachother or look at eachother in anything other than a friendly way.

Watkinss · 04/02/2022 02:41

@RedCandyApple What about your work? can you find someone to date there?

Piggyk2 · 04/02/2022 02:50

Do you have any friends you could share baby sitting with OP?

Your going to find it hard tbh in the early stages and sometimes the person your dating doesn't understand you have very limited time.

Life's too short I'm sure you can find a way. There's a good website childcare.co.uk there's lots of students wanting evening work you could maybe look into even if it's to trial goingbout with your friends.

Piggyk2 · 04/02/2022 02:52

@SallyAnn32 your giving me hope. I might join bubble too Grin

SallyAnn32 · 04/02/2022 07:29

@Piggyk2 I wasn't hopeful about it working but it did. I chatted on the app to 2 non starters even that was a nice distraction from the world. Neither of them were sleazy just not my type. DP and I clicked straight away. I'm a huge believer in fate. Give it a go!

jfhguseorjgijaerigjarfgj · 04/02/2022 11:15

@RedCandyApple

I wasn't purposefully looking to date in the day, it just worked out well like that.

If someone was not able to come and meet me for lunch, I would have kept talking/ video calling online, and found a way to meet IRL, just would have taken longer.

Either way, I think the guy has to be prepared to put in more effort and be more patient than if dating someone who didn't have children.

I also introduced him as a friend to LO quite early so we hung out at the park at weekends and stuff. My LO was young enough that this wasn't a big deal, but I guess introductions become more of a thing when kids are old enough to understand everything!

QuinkWashable · 04/02/2022 11:33

I'm thinking I'll leave it until my kids are a bit older (so probably pushing 10 years! Unless someone falls into my lap so to speak)

Simply because with work and kids (another uninvolved ex) I just don't have the mental capacity for another drain.

Plus I work from home, so don't really have much opportunity to meet someone and really don't trust online (a bit mad since my entire job is websites etc).

Maybe that'll change when the kids are heading towards teens, or it's been more than a year since I ended it, but so far, I'm actually enjoying the freedom, even if headed to burnout in other ways.

And yes. I had to go away for work for just one day/night, and it cost me 200 quid for a baby sitter (no family close). Blowed if I'm gonna spend 50 quid for an evening, plus drinks and dinner just to see if a man is worth spending more time with - I'd prefer to go out with my mates for that much!.

BuickMcKane · 04/02/2022 13:03

Simply because with work and kids (another uninvolved ex) I just don't have the mental capacity for another drain

I think this is a big part of it too. I just don't have the time or brain space to add another person's needs to my list!

Original poster
RedCandyApple · 04/02/2022 13:48

I actually WFH so no chance of meeting someone that way, although being honest I’m not sure I would want that anyway as if we were to break up I wouldn’t like to continue to have to work with them. I actually usually use to date men who lived out of the area as I don’t really like dating men everyone knows/ a local. I know I can’t afford to be that fussy now though 😂

OP posts:
Whatwouldscullydo · 04/02/2022 14:07

I know how you feel red

I'm ready fir something fairly casual. Nothing heavy. But there's no one at work.
Only 2 men both married.

I have male friends but there's nothing there romantically at all.

Most the customers at work are old Grin well older than me anyway I'm.41.

Don't particularly wanna use apps.

Im.screwed and not in a good way Grin

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