Here is what I've written, I would never have sent him all this but as I started writing, everything came out. I refer to myself as 'your wife' as that's what he used to say when he was wanting me to come home. Constant messages of 'I just want my wife back' referring to me as an object rather than as a person.
It may not make sense but at least I've sent it to someone. He sent my mum a message to say he will always do right by me. It made me angry, this is what I wrote in the note on my phone:
Your wife feels very mentally unwell and she comes to you for support. She’s put up with a lot of your crap over the past few months. She’s been accused by you of having someone else when she was just fed up of being taken advantage of, shown no love, being snapped at, walking on egg shells. You shout at her and show her absolutely no support or love whatsoever. Not even a cuddle. She leaves.
In the days, weeks, months after she leaves you, you then make it all about yourself, how you feel, how you can’t cope…never once asking your wife what you can do to help her. She asks for space, you don’t let her have it. You suffocate her. It’s just all about you. You accuse your wife of seeing other people, make her scared to do anything, scared to say the wrong thing in front of you, it stops her talking to her friends (who she needed by the way, she didn’t have any support from her husband) it makes her own mental health even worse however she still continues to support you, puts you in therapy, allows you to come for xmas, speaks to you whenever you ask her too for hours on end, always replies to texts, FaceTimes you to prove there is no other man here and she has no one else. She asks you to not speak in front of the kids, it gets ignored .She should of been working on herself during this time but she still continued to put you first. She had no choice, you wouldn’t leave her alone and she was scared of you. And she still cared. This is coercive control. You play mind games, telling her you’re going back on tinder all to try make her beg you not too. You ask her if she fancies you still, making her feel awkward. You tell her to tell you she loves you. This is coercive control.
Then she finds out you messaged an ex. Then she finds out that you have a new ‘friend’. You are adamant this is just a friendship, however it isn’t. It’s more than that. You try continue to try to save your marriage while starting a new relationship. Your wife starts to feel confused at this point, wondering if we could make a go of things, your promises of change she wants to believe but then absolutely not believing a word you say about the ‘friend’ However your wife is clever, does a bit of digging only to find out that you are in fact lying. She blocks you as she can’t take anymore. She then receives more messages off you saying ‘your a nasty piece of work’ and your going to ‘get me back’. You will make her see how happy you are in a new relationship. You are disgusting. You call your daughter to slag me off. Your daughter who your wife loves very much, who she has supported and comforted over the last 5.5 years. Your wife loves your daughter as if she were her own. Your daughter has her GCSEs coming up. However you feel it is absolutely fine for you to put the weight of the world on her shoulders. Absolutely yet again terrible parenting on your part.
Her mum is sat with her while all these messages are coming through, her mum is now feeling scared, wondering what you are going to do next. So she calls the police. The police take it seriously and are absolutely brilliant. They wanted to arrest you for harassment and coercive control. They saw and read through all the messages. All the messages of asking if your wife had someone else. Making her swear on her Childrens lives that there wasn’t. The FaceTimes. All of it. She explained about your dad and this apparent breakdown you were having yourself. However there is absolutely no excuse for your behaviour according to them.
You then decide to take your friend on a weekend away, rubbing it in her face from the joint bank transactions. She gets messages from people who tell her what you have put on Facebook. However these people are all supportive of her and have lost all respect for you. They tell me you have absolutely no regard to your wife or her feelings and your profile picture is actually laughable. They tell her she is worth so much more.
She is me. I am your wife. A normal person with feelings. Who you have destroyed. I fail to see how you have done right by me so far.