DH thinks it’s over - I don’t

[Susue999]

I know there are lots of threads on similar but I need a hand hold. DH of 11 years has told he he thinks it’s over. Things have been rocky for years I have had a lot of major health difficulties most recently involving cancer but was given the all clear. And I think this has taken its toll hugely on my DH. Of course it has on me too but after recent good news I just had a renewed optimism for life and a don’t sweat the small stuff attitude. I was ready to enjoy life again. It was just after this that DH first said he was y sure about things. I was shocked. Things have spiralled with him distancing more and more from family life resulting in our 3 DS saying very unkind things to him about him being detached etc which then makes him detach even more. He has fern sleeping in a separate part of the house despite by persuasions to return to our bed. Anyway he said yesterday that he things it’s over. I completely lost it and am ashamed to say I told him he couldn’t do this especially with forthcoming major op. He said he would support me regardless blah blah. He has agreed to counselling but am I really just flogging a dead horse. I cannot believe that he can just give up like that and say we are better off without him. I absolutely terrified but also still love him and don’t want a future without him.

All sounds very familiar - I'm also leaning towards there being another woman.

VINTAGE THREAD

@CloudyYellow what made you resurrect this?

Sorry it was suggested by mumsnet under similar threads x

Rubbish. He’s a parent and his kids and their emotions come first. He’s making his kids feel rejected and unloved, which is a horrible thing to do to children especially when they’ve probably been very worried about their mum. He doesn’t get to opt out of being a father.

OP, I’m so sorry you’ve been going through so much, it sounds like you’ve had a really hard time of it, and this is the last thing you need. I really feel for you 💐

FFS, I must start checking dates on threads

Would be interesting to see if an OW did appear out of the woodwork. I suspect so...

No other women did appear……….

What happened? Are you ok?

Shhhh
dont say that. Many people are convinced there must be

What happened
@Susue999 Vintage thread I know but still curious

Men are like this sadly, they get cold feet when it comes to looking after someone who is ill, they don't want to be arsed with it unlike women who are more caring.
My husband abandoned me when I was deathly ill in hospital taking the car with him, I didn't even have anyone to take me home or have the money for a taxi. We'd been married 20 years and I'd always done everything.
One of the oncology nurses I work with says this is very common, a lot of men will just up and leave sick wives.
I've since rebuilt my life and have a good life and standard of living but I'd never trust a man again and as far as I'm concerned they can all take their needs and fuck off.
Trust me if he leaves he will not help you it's all guff.
If he's playing this game I would just get rid and concentrate on your own life.
How old are the DC?

Not present in family life? Sleeping in another room? Detached from you and kids? He’s shagging elsewhere take my word for it. Whatever you do don’t let this dick put it down in your illness. He’s a selfish prick shagging elsewhere and thinks this is an easy way to let you go without the drama. Well I’m sorry he’s got 3 kids he wanted and a wife he wanted to marry. Those were his choices. He thinks it’s an easier desk not having to cope with it all. Get him to put his man pants on and own up.

I think you will find life is so much better without this stress, you will be surprised.

How is your health now, OP? That, along with your children's welfare, is the main thing. I hope you’re ok.

Health is improved. Hate to say marriage wise we are still muddling through. Things generally alot better with the children - although he will never respond to them how I would like him to which is very hard. I do wonder if they will ask me why I didn’t leave him when they are older. Which is awful really.

@Bestcatmum sorry to hear about what you have had to go through.