Relationship with an ex drinker. Met him a few months after he quit. We've been together over a year now and it's been up and down. Highs and lows. I know that you are supposed to leave when things are not right but I guess it's been abit confusing for me and alot of stuff I'd need to explain than I feel I could possibly. I know I need to be completely honest on this post and I would appreciate people being kind as I'm currently sat in tears feeling pretty upset.
He has leant on me alot. This has been gradual. He was working when we met. Brilliant money. He was confident and painting himself as someone perfect for me. Within days he started mentioning his ex and planting seeds into My head. He would keep in touch with her and insist they were mates. He originally made out the split was mutual. Everything was great.
Overtime he told me about his depression and struggle with drink. But he was working and sorted. His stories didn't always add up looking back. He had this woman that he'd had a brief fling with after his ex that still harassed him. But I later found out he was still messaging her.
Throughout our relationship he would say things like. You'd look nice with shorter hair. Why don't you curl your hair. You suit a ponytail. Telling me what colours I suit etc.
Around 6 months into our relationship his back got so bad he had to quit working. I ofcourse wanted to support him and lent him money for the first month. Which he paid back. He isn't faking this. I've seen his scans. It's severe. It's chronic. He is going to need more operations. For 6 months he borrowed my money and paid me back on his universal credit days. Fair enough. He has tried Hard to get the GPS to help. He's had pip reject him so he's now appealing. I've chosen to buy his shopping and in return he's cooked for me alot. We've agreed he will give me some money when he returns to work for this. I buy his dog food.
Whilst he's been off work his depression has kicked in. He's been suicidal in the past. I've dealt with all his forms and phone calls with councils, charities, insurance companies etc. He's always shown appreciation and said he just freezes up with these things.
In 6 months as extras I've often picked him up toiletries. I got him a bracelet for Christmas even though he couldn't afford to get me anything. I've bought toys for his dog. I've bought little bits and bobs for him like candles and household stuff. I've lent him my tablet when his tele broke.
Over the last few months I've noticed a pattern in him screwing up my head. He plants little things in my mind. He's very clever at little stories of women he could have or women that have been inappropriate online. He points out attractive people and plays dumb when you bring up women he's mentioned in the past.
This last week I've found my fire I guess. I lost my patience about his ex. I told him I was absolutely sick to death of xyz and hearing about her. He told me this week she actually dumped him. Another lie. Another woman he claims was inappropriate with him saw us Sunday and absolutely went bright red and could barely talk. I asked him if something had happened in the past. He absolutely blew off.
Then today he asked me why I always dress in the same style. I have 8 pairs of jeggings in various shades of blue, black and grey. Some are ripped or have certain patterns. I wear them with a variety of jumpers or tops. I buy new tops most months. I asked him what he meant. He said don't you ever wear skirts or jeans. Why are you not confident. I told him I always try and look nice and we never go anywhere for me to even consider dressing up. I said perhaps your Ex had loads of different clothes but I have children and this is my style and budget. He walked out his house screaming at me that he wanted me gone when I got back.
I got my things and came back to my flat. He's blocked me on Facebook and sent Me a few blunt messages trying to tell me I'm wrong and I twist his head and I argue with myself like a little girl.
I know the obvious. But I need some help to understand and do the right thing. He is likely to talk to me again tomorrow as he relies on me. My heads struggling to find the strength to get out this situation. I'm genuinely frightened of him not being around as he gives me alot of love and care aswel. I'm stuck in a cycle of emotional abuse and don't know how to find the strength to stop.