Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Inheritance

41 replies

MumWithYOPD · 30/01/2022 20:41

2nd marriage, I have 2 adult DC, DH has 3 adult DC
His DC make questionable life choices sometimes.
I need to do a will or else everything I have goes to DH which effectively means his DC leaving my DC with nothing. I can’t decide whether to split 1/3 each - DH DC DC or 1/2 to DH and 1/4 each for DC. What have others done?

OP posts:
Horsemad · 30/01/2022 20:42

I'd just give it all to my DC.

Soontobe60 · 30/01/2022 20:43

Have you recently got married? What about your home, do you own it jointly or not,nor is it rented?

Onthefloor2 · 30/01/2022 20:44

Hmmm, depends if it would leave him homeless, as I doubt you would like him to do that to you.

Pallisers · 30/01/2022 20:45

For me it would depend on what stage you got married. Married after my children were grown, then, frankly, I'd leave everything to my children if possible. But then I wouldn't get married again for that reason.

Presumbly your estate is assets you built up before your dh arrived on the scene and presumably he has built his own assets during his time before marriage. I would expect to inherit nothing and would not want him to inherit anything either. But like I said, I would never marry again - might live with someone but not marriage.

Original poster
MumWithYOPD · 30/01/2022 20:53

Small mortgage, we contributed the same amount when we bought. Everything is 50/50 regarding the home. Life insurance held to cover mortgage.

OP posts:
GiantSpider · 30/01/2022 20:55

As long as my DH wasn't left homeless I'd leave everything to my DC.

GiantSpider · 30/01/2022 20:55

And I'd expect him to do the same.

DerAlteMann · 30/01/2022 21:02

DC get the lot.

whenwilliwillibefamous · 30/01/2022 21:11

If the home is held as joint tenants I believe it goes to him when you die anyway.
A house held as tenants in common, on the other hand, you can leave your half to anyone you like in your will. However, that would create upheaval for your newly widowed DH.
You can change from one to the other if needed.
What is commonly done is to leave the second spouse a life interest in, or right to reside in, the property, and then when they die / remarry / cohabit / go into a care home, that ends and your DC inherit it.

Really you need to see a solicitor asap and talk it all through - it's all quite doable but the devil is in the details. To leave your affairs in good order is the last thoughtful thing you can do for your loved ones. My Mum was very organized in this regard and I admired her for it.

Jk24 · 30/01/2022 21:44

I would leave your half of the house to your DC but have a disclaimer that they can't kick dh out if you pass before him

Totalwasteofpaper · 30/01/2022 21:51

I’d leave it all to my kids….

Otherwise you are (slowly) giving his feckless kids either 1/2 or 1/3 of your estate Confused

You can give him right to remain in the home for X years i.e. defer the assets being given to your kids so he isn’t made homeless immediately

HomeHomeInTheRange · 30/01/2022 21:51

Leave all your estate to your Own Dc.

If this would leave your DH homeless leave him a ‘life interest’ in your share of the house: he can live in it til he dies, remarries or sells, at which point your Dc take possession of your half.

Wherearemymarbles · 30/01/2022 21:58

As said, become tenants in common. You leave your 50% to your kids, he leaves his 50% to his.
Then each of you have lifetime interest in the house so you neither can be made homeless.
You can do the same with other assets .

Mirror wills will guarantee someone gets disinherited

MintJulia · 30/01/2022 22:08

@Wherearemymarbles

As said, become tenants in common. You leave your 50% to your kids, he leaves his 50% to his. Then each of you have lifetime interest in the house so you neither can be made homeless. You can do the same with other assets .

Mirror wills will guarantee someone gets disinherited

This !
jimmyjammy001 · 30/01/2022 22:09

The way it should be is Your DC will inherit from you and their Dad, your partners DC will inherit from their Dad and their Mum.
How is your DH soliciting his?

toobusytothink · 30/01/2022 22:10

Agree with others. Tenants in common and leave the lot to your kids with the right for him to continue to live there until he moves in with someone/dies

Socialcarenope · 30/01/2022 22:44

You can have it where DH can remain living in the house until he dies or goes in to care then half the sale goes to your kids, his half to his care fees or his kids.

Original poster
MumWithYOPD · 31/01/2022 07:29

@jimmyjammy001

The way it should be is Your DC will inherit from you and their Dad, your partners DC will inherit from their Dad and their Mum. How is your DH soliciting his?
@jimmyjammy001 he’s in denial when it comes to mortality, changing the subject whenever I mention funeral arrangements, organ donation or wills. So I’m getting my affairs in order. I can’t make him do something he really doesn’t want to do, I’ve tried so many times explaining the consequences of doing nothing but a wall comes up.
OP posts:
HomeHomeInTheRange · 31/01/2022 08:50

Well, never mind what he does, you make your Will leaving your stuff to your children.

He doesn’t even need to know you have made a Will or what is in it. But get it lodged with Will Safe and tell your Dc that.

Talk to the solicitor about the status of your house ownership so that you can leave your half to your kids.

sassbott · 31/01/2022 09:05

Leave 100% to your DC, do not under any circumstances trust that anyone will do the right thing when it comes to money/ inheritances.
(See other thread running atm on 60+ man hooking up with a woman in her 20’s)

sassbott · 31/01/2022 09:07

@jimmyjammy001 he’s in denial when it comes to mortality, changing the subject whenever I mention funeral arrangements, organ donation or wills. So I’m getting my affairs in order. I can’t make him do something he really doesn’t want to do, I’ve tried so many times explaining the consequences of doing nothing but a wall comes up.

@MumWithYOPD this isn’t ok. You’re married to him and financially linked with children pre dating the marriage. You have to force this conversation, him changing the subject is not good enough.

Original poster
MumWithYOPD · 31/01/2022 11:32

@sassbott I have tried again and again and he will not have the conversation. I have explained the potential consequences of doing nothing and again he will not engage other than to say that he doesn’t want to talk about it. The onus is on me to get my affairs in order should anything happen to me which I am doing prompted by the deaths of two friends within 5 months of each other. By DH doing nothing I would be left with any fallout and sorting everything (another point I have raised) but the responsibility isn’t mine to arrange it. A lot of us as wives, partners, children and mothers feel the need to sort everything for everyone how many posts do we see regarding MIL where the DIL is trying to find a solution and their DP is just keeping quiet whilst his other half is trying to juggle it all. He knows what needs to be done, he doesn’t want to do it and I don’t want to spend my time arguing about this one thing as he has made his view clear as have I.

OP posts:
sassbott · 31/01/2022 13:12

@MumWithYOPD that would make me really unsettled. Add toy sure he doesn’t have a will in place essentially awarding his estate fully to his DC? In which case where would that leave you if he was to die before you?

sassbott · 31/01/2022 13:13

*are you sure

mindutopia · 31/01/2022 13:29

I think you just need to sort your own affairs out. In this instance, if the house is owned jointly (and is a house you both purchased together, not your family home he has moved into), then I would leave everything to your dc with the condition that he could stay in the home until he dies or decides to sell, then your half of the house would be left to your dc. Or they could also have the option to buy him out. If he dies, surely everything comes to you anyway and then you can make decisions about what you do with it at the time. I would just make him aware of what you are doing so that he knows his dc will not be inheriting anything directly from you.

Swipe left for the next trending thread