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Original poster

Friend zone or patiently waiting?

52 replies

DadtoTwo87 · 27/01/2022 23:20

Hi guys and gals. I have a question for everyone.
I know this girl. She is amazing in every way. We get along great. I watch her kids on the weekends. And she is always willing to go out of her way for us whenever i ask her. The problem is. Shes in a relationship.
Now we have known each other for three years. Her relationship has only been a year. She let me stay with her when my ex and i fought. And shes been there for me in a lot of ways since. My question is. Is this girl stringing me along so ill keep watching the babies, or does she potentially want something more bit is too respectful of her relationship to do anything about it?

OP posts:
bongobingo43 · 27/01/2022 23:22

Maybe she actually wants to be friends?

Why does it need to be either she's stringing you along or she wants to be with you? If it was one sided then I'd say she was taking advantage but it sounds like your efforts are reciprocated

BIWI · 27/01/2022 23:24

Men and women can be friends without sex being involved.

She is in a relationship so why on earth would you think she's stringing you along?

She did you a favour by letting you stay with her, so presumably you're reciprocating by babysitting.

Put your ego away.

She's a friend and that's it. If you don't want to be her friend, then you need to walk away.

DatingDinosaur · 27/01/2022 23:34

I wouldn’t say she’s stringing you along. She sees you as a friend, nothing more.

And you’re patiently hoping waiting for her to see you as something more.

Sorry.

CandyLeBonBon · 27/01/2022 23:37

If you don't want to babysit, then don't. If you do, do it because you've chosen to do it out of kindness and friendship and not because you're trying to worm your way into her knickers.

If she wanted to be with you she would be.

You don't sound like the kind of 'friend' tjat she needs.

dopple · 27/01/2022 23:41

I don't see how she's stringing you along when she's in a relationship and you are out in the open as her friend around them.

Nopetryagain · 27/01/2022 23:47

She isn’t stringing you along at all. She is your friend of 3 years, has been in a relationship with someone else for a year and you sometimes watch her kids.

You sound very creepy.

Daenerys77 · 28/01/2022 00:01

Neither. She thinks of you as a friend. If you don't want to be her friend, it's best that you distance yourself rather than waiting for her relationship to break up.

HollowTalk · 28/01/2022 00:02

Keep watching the babies? What do you mean?

ProudThrilledHappy · 28/01/2022 00:16

She sees you as a friend while you are pretending to be a friend and “patiently waiting” your turn at her. She’s not a playground see-saw.

The fact that you describe her as stringing you along is worrying

Aquamarine1029 · 28/01/2022 00:16

It's genuinely not occurred to you that a woman might just want to be friends. Wow.

You're not her friend at all.

Wreath21 · 28/01/2022 00:20

She doesn't owe you sex in exchange for babysitting. She doesn't actually owe you anything for babysitting apart from reciprocal babysitting, which she appears to be willing to do.
There's no such thing as the 'friendzone' anyway, and thirsty men tripping over their own dicks need to understand that unrequited desire is their problem and not the responsibility of the woman.

MeridasMum · 28/01/2022 00:31

She thinks you are friends. Unfortunately you seem to see her either as a 'prospect' or nothing.

Keep babysitting though just incase you get a shag out of it
(Oh, and by the way, I'm pretty sure this person is a woman. If she's actually a girl you have way bigger problems)

BringOnTheOtherWorlders · 28/01/2022 00:33

Why are you watching her children on the weekends? How did that come to pass?

PissedOffNeighbour22 · 28/01/2022 00:46

Clearly she thinks you're a friend. She isn't 'stringing you along', you've just assumed like all creepy men do that you'll get a shag out of it at some point.
The friend zone doesn't exist - that's just her right not to be sexually attracted to you.
If she wanted more she'd have let you know this at some point before meeting someone she actually wants a relationship with.

Probably best if you tell her how you feel so that she can choose to distance herself from you. It's really irritating to find out men have been waiting it out to see if you'll shag them when you genuinely thought of them as friends.

Sn0tnose · 28/01/2022 01:09

On the off chance that you’re not on a massive wind up, then you need to be aware that you are what Reddit users would refer to as a Nice Guy. Have a look at their forum. It’s full of examples of men just like you, who think that a woman somehow owes them something because they’ve been nice to her.

You’ve misled and deceived this woman into a friendship. She obviously thinks you’re a genuine and decent person and that you can both rely on the other to help out when needed. But you’ve been lying to her about your motives. You’re only being her friend because you want sex. And you believe that if she doesn’t give you sex, then she’s somehow tricked you into being nice to her. It doesn’t even occur to you that she thinks you’re her friend. No, it’s far easier for you to believe that she’s either lying to you or lying to her partner.

You don’t need a relationship with this poor woman and she certainly doesn’t deserve your particular type of ‘friendship’. What you need is a kick up the arse and a long hard look at yourself.

Alayalaya · 28/01/2022 01:12

It sounds like you’re her friend. You’ve known her for 3 years and she’s only been in a relationship for a year - why didn’t you ask her out when she was single?

Original poster
DadtoTwo87 · 28/01/2022 01:12

This is the problem with the world today. Everyone assumes all a man is interested in is sex. First and foremost, i do consider her a good friend and would rather be friends than not know her. Secondly, when i say "stringing me along" i dont mean i feel shes using me. Shes nicer to me than literally anyone she talks to. And she does anything i ask because she clearly cares. This just reinforces the feeling that something might be there. Third, i have no problem watching these kids. Theyre sweet hearts and ive been watching them for two years. Its not a matter of wanting anything to change. Or expecting her to lose her man over me. Im not that kind of guy. Now i admit i may have phrased it poorly. But the comments you guys posted are both assumptive and unfair.

OP posts:
Original poster
DadtoTwo87 · 28/01/2022 01:17

Because i wasnt. I got out of a relationship of 10 years about 6 months ago. The woman was toxic and flat out crazy. Couldnt take it anymore. Lol.

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 28/01/2022 01:22

But the comments you guys posted are both assumptive and unfair

They aren’t assumptive or unfair though, are they? You said a bunch of things that made you sound like a massive creep. You got called out on it and now you’re claiming that you didn’t mean it like that?

Doona · 28/01/2022 01:26

@DadtoTwo87

Because i wasnt. I got out of a relationship of 10 years about 6 months ago. The woman was toxic and flat out crazy. Couldnt take it anymore. Lol.
Is this the mother of your children?
UrsulaBursula · 28/01/2022 01:29

Men…you guys make me SICK!!

A woman being friendly and strictly platonic is now seen as ‘stringing you along’ because you can’t get into her knickers!?!

Don’t try and back peddle with the ‘that’s not what I meant and you guys are being unfair’ narrative as we heard you LOUD and CLEAR!

I hope she see’s your true intentions really soon.

MissConductUS · 28/01/2022 01:30

Thanks for mansplaining what you said previously.

She has a boyfriend. It's not you. HTH.

minou123 · 28/01/2022 01:31

I'm now at a bit of a loss of what you want advice for?
You now say you don't want anything to necessarily change, or expect her to lose her man for you, so what are you asking?

If she cares for you and you do each other favours, that's, we'll, nice.

I suspect, you may be reading more into this than what it is.
If she wants to be romantically involved with you, then she would. She's not married.

Just to add, Mumsnet a predominantly women. Calling your ex toxic and flat-out crazy, isn't going to win you any empathy.

Women are very used to hearing "my ex is crazy" from exes, especially on the relationship board. We don't tend to buy it.

minou123 · 28/01/2022 01:32

*Mumsnet is predominantly used by women

Benvolio · 28/01/2022 01:39

Sheesh. Even when some men think they srubbing up their actual thoughts for public airing... what a world to be bringing up daughters in.