Page 2 | Friend zone or patiently waiting?

Goang54 · 28/01/2022 01:41

How about you stop reading into something that isnt there.

If you was as true of a friend as you claim to be you will just respect the fact she is in a relationship.

At the end of the day this is obviously one sided. You say you arent trying to get with her but you are deluding yourself to see signs that arent there. She is IN A RELATIONSHIP. And guesd what, thats not with you. Should that not tell you everything you need to know?

What are expecting? For her to cheat with you? Leave him for you. Maybe its time you start seeing her as an actual friend. And not a potentional love interest.

Benvolio · 28/01/2022 01:45

Also the answer to your question is NEITHER. How could you possibly think these are the two alternatives, you egotistical, unimaginative idiot?

JustKittenAround · 28/01/2022 01:58

@Sn0tnose

But the comments you guys posted are both assumptive and unfair

They aren’t assumptive or unfair though, are they? You said a bunch of things that made you sound like a massive creep. You got called out on it and now you’re claiming that you didn’t mean it like that?

Damn…. @Sn0tnose has you dead to rights. Seriousness….. this is seriously the truth.

You can’t be strung along when you’re friends. You feel used because your seemingly kind actions as a friend are at the root transactional for more. What a crappy salesman.

Get right. You couldn’t get her as a wolf, and you are trying to put on sheep’s clothing.

It’s her fault if she believes your act?

Be outright about what you’d like, and don’t fault anyone for buying into your act. It’s not her fault she thought you a real friend, otherwise she wouldn’t have accepted your supposed kindness.

If you want more make it known. Be prepared for the challenge.

Or go back lying to yourself about how good you are. What a joke.

Benvolio · 28/01/2022 02:18

Men's feeling that someone they are attracted to owes them sexual satisfaction is one of the basic wrongs of 'civilisation'.
And don't give me any Whaterboutery. Of course there are lovely, respectful men.

Abigail12345654321 · 28/01/2022 02:39

The comments aren’t unfair mate.

Women here are judging you by what you say and what you do.

If you don’t like how you are being judged, think before you speak and act, and ask yourself if what you are saying and doing are things a total dick would say and do.

You sound like a dick to me too.

Original poster

DadtoTwo87 · 28/01/2022 02:39

Buy it or not shes crazy. Shes living in a one room motel with a pedophile. She is diagnosed bipolar, manic depressive. And borderline schizophrenic. So really i dont need your opinion of her. The doctors already gave theirs.

OP posts:

Abigail12345654321 · 28/01/2022 02:42

@DadtoTwo87

Buy it or not shes crazy. Shes living in a one room motel with a pedophile. She is diagnosed bipolar, manic depressive. And borderline schizophrenic. So really i dont need your opinion of her. The doctors already gave theirs.

So you mean she is medically unwell. That must be awful for her.

Dick.

stuntbubbles · 28/01/2022 02:45

@DadtoTwo87

Buy it or not shes crazy. Shes living in a one room motel with a pedophile. She is diagnosed bipolar, manic depressive. And borderline schizophrenic. So really i dont need your opinion of her. The doctors already gave theirs.

What would your friend say if she knew you were calling your medically unwell ex “crazy”? Does she know that you’re not a nice person, or do you keep your personality to yourself?

Pesimistic · 28/01/2022 06:42

@CandyLeBonBon

If you don't want to babysit, then don't. If you do, do it because you've chosen to do it out of kindness and friendship and not because you're trying to worm your way into her knickers.

If she wanted to be with you she would be.

You don't sound like the kind of 'friend' tjat she needs.

Absoultly! Op, take a step back, don't watch her children anymore.

CandyLeBonBon · 28/01/2022 07:57

@DadtoTwo87

Buy it or not shes crazy. Shes living in a one room motel with a pedophile. She is diagnosed bipolar, manic depressive. And borderline schizophrenic. So really i dont need your opinion of her. The doctors already gave theirs.

...And THERE'S the massive drip feed. 🙄

TheFoundation · 28/01/2022 08:40

@DadtoTwo87

This is the problem with the world today. Everyone assumes all a man is interested in is sex. First and foremost, i do consider her a good friend and would rather be friends than not know her. Secondly, when i say "stringing me along" i dont mean i feel shes using me. Shes nicer to me than literally anyone she talks to. And she does anything i ask because she clearly cares. This just reinforces the feeling that something might be there. Third, i have no problem watching these kids. Theyre sweet hearts and ive been watching them for two years. Its not a matter of wanting anything to change. Or expecting her to lose her man over me. Im not that kind of guy. Now i admit i may have phrased it poorly. But the comments you guys posted are both assumptive and unfair.

You have said things that indicate that you are viewing a clearly platonic relationship through bedroom eyes. Don't blame this on The Problem With The World Today.

It's not The World that has a problem here. The World is fine. It's your ego that's got the problem. You're wondering if a friend fancies you, which is a sexual viewpoint on a platonic situation. If you took sex away, you'd have had nothing to post, would you? So, people are assuming that all you are interested in is sex.

You didn't post to say you're worried she fancies you, which would screw things up for you because you want to look after the children, did you? That's not the focus at all.

She's committed to someone already, and it isn't you. If she knew what you'd posted, what do you think her response would be? I can guess. She'd say ''Ugh, no, he's just a friend!'

BertramLacey · 28/01/2022 09:23

Women are very used to hearing "my ex is crazy" from exes, especially on the relationship board. We don't tend to buy it.

Yes, this. And medics haven't said your ex is crazy, they have given her specific diagnoses. Most women will hear the 'my ex is crazy' line at some point. Often it's a string of crazy exes, at which point you have to ask, what is the one thing they have in common, and why did you go out with them?

DropYourSword · 28/01/2022 09:38

Is this girl stringing me along so ill keep watching the babies, or does she potentially want something more bit is too respectful of her relationship to do anything about it?

Why does it have to be either. Maybe, just maybe, she actually just sees you as a friends.
However:
This is the problem with the world today. Everyone assumes all a man is interested in is sex. First and foremost, i do consider her a good friend
Everyone assumes you're interested in sex with her because that's basically what you say you want with her. You want to be with her. You are not her friend if you're "patiently waiting in the wings".

She might see you as a friend. You actually don't see her as a friend. There's a massive imbalance here and it's probably not fair to continue this friendship

TheFoundation · 28/01/2022 09:51

@DadtoTwo87

Buy it or not shes crazy. Shes living in a one room motel with a pedophile. She is diagnosed bipolar, manic depressive. And borderline schizophrenic. So really i dont need your opinion of her. The doctors already gave theirs.

The doctors didn't say 'she's crazy', so you can't really use what they've said to back up your assertion that she's crazy. You could say she's unwell, or has problems with her mental health, but you don't choose that. Whether you care about people's opinions or not, you're choosing to use a judgemental word to define her, when a mature attitude would have moved on from this, and refer to her as 'having a few difficulties', or something similar.

It's actually your opinion of her that's irrelevant, which is why you're trying to bolster it with what the doctors said.

Loveisthere · 28/01/2022 09:54

Op you are waiting for her to have sex with you in return for your baby watching. You are deluded to think she wants you you sound really creepy. Nobody needs friends like you ready to pounce on her

Wreath21 · 28/01/2022 10:07

@DadtoTwo87

Buy it or not shes crazy. Shes living in a one room motel with a pedophile. She is diagnosed bipolar, manic depressive. And borderline schizophrenic. So really i dont need your opinion of her. The doctors already gave theirs.

TBH if you were in a relationship with someone who had mental health problems, that must have been horrible for you. I think it's likely you would benefit from some sort of counselling before you try to date anyone else, as bad relationships can have a knock-on effect which mean you make bad choices in the future. So it might be that you are deluding yourself that your friend (who does not feel any sexual attraction to you, though she likes you) is your Perfect Parter just because she is not the same sort of person as your ex. Or you might move on to dating another woman who creates a lot of drama because it feels both exciting and familiar.

None of these things are your babysitting-share female friend's problem or responsibility, though.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 28/01/2022 10:13

How often are you babysitting for her?

CousinKrispy · 28/01/2022 10:17

Nice ableism there against someone with a diagnosed medical condition.

If you're only 6 months out of a relationship you describe as toxic, you shouldn't be considering a new relationship yet. You need more time on your own to centre yourself and heal.

If any of this is true.

ValerieCupcake · 28/01/2022 10:29

I think this is Jackanory.

sassbott · 28/01/2022 10:39

Shes nicer to me than literally anyone she talks to. And she does anything i ask because she clearly cares.

This is beyond creepy.
How do you know how she talks to people? I assume she works/ has a life outside of you? This is a very assumptive/ entitled point of view.

She does anything you ask as she cares? This is how friendships tend to work. Friends do care about one another and will help one another so that it’s a two way give and take. Reading anything more into it is plain wrong. And I also hope that from your perspective this isn’t some fucked up way you attempt to gain validation of your ‘special’ status.

She’s in a relationship that she is not hiding from you. She has no agenda aside from a friendship where you clearly help her and vice versa. How that is viewed as stringing you along? 🤷🏽‍♀️.

I have a friend like you btw. He claimed to be a friend, with no agenda. Started to make sweeping comments about me (like the one you made) despite knowing very little about me in a wider context. Creeped me out and got my back up.

He’s no longer a close friend.

Nb calling your ex who has been diagnosed with mental health issues ‘crazy’ tells me all I need to tell about you. Deeply self involved and entitled.

Ducksareruiningmypatio · 28/01/2022 11:25

I'm a nice guy!
Why doesn't she want me?!
Pathetic.
She is not "Stringing you along"
Just be her friend if that's all she wants.
Stop reading into it, she's in a relationship fgs

LindaEllen · 28/01/2022 11:50

@DadtoTwo87

This is the problem with the world today. Everyone assumes all a man is interested in is sex. First and foremost, i do consider her a good friend and would rather be friends than not know her. Secondly, when i say "stringing me along" i dont mean i feel shes using me. Shes nicer to me than literally anyone she talks to. And she does anything i ask because she clearly cares. This just reinforces the feeling that something might be there. Third, i have no problem watching these kids. Theyre sweet hearts and ive been watching them for two years. Its not a matter of wanting anything to change. Or expecting her to lose her man over me. Im not that kind of guy. Now i admit i may have phrased it poorly. But the comments you guys posted are both assumptive and unfair.

You've said yourself that you want a relationship with her, so you've indicated yourself that you're interested in her in a sexual way - so that's nothing to do with 'the world today', that's just what you've written.

Maybe she's nice to you because she sees you as one of her best friends?

You've not said anything that gives any indication that she sees you as more than a friend, unfortunately. And even if you did, she's in a relationship.

What you need to do is decide whether you're happy to continue how you are, under the assumption that nothing more will EVER happen between you.

ALittleBitConfused1 · 28/01/2022 12:33

I'm usually the first to stick up for men on here as I do think they get a bad deal sometimes. Bit, in all honesty the responses you got were completely based on the information you provided in YOUR post.
You describe a two way friendship but then ask if we think ages stringing you along....why? Then she people explain the failings in your logic you flip it round to we are all picking on you because your a man.

Doesn't sound to me like you have a problem. You have a friendship with a woman who is in a relationship. You both help each other out and she shows you the respect and consideration that is always a basis for a healthy friendship.

BIWI · 28/01/2022 12:55

He does have a problem though @ALittleBitConfused1 because he seems to have absolutely no insight into how creepy his posts are!

RantyAunty · 28/01/2022 13:56

All the posts from men lately. Did they abandon their men's group?