Relationship

[Han2436]

Hello, I have been in a relationship for 10 years since 15 and all of it was very hard. I am addicted to the relationship and every time I try to leave I go back. He can be very sweet but when he gets mad it is terrifying. I have gone to the hospital 3 separate occasions due to his anger. He has not hurt me since 2018 but now he is just always angry and today we went to eat at a restaurant he accidentally spilled a full cup of hot coffee on my legs. He asked if I wanted to take it to go so I said yes as soon as I got in the car he yelled at me and told me I screwed up his whole day that he hates me and am lucky he didn't smash my face in. From there he went 90 on a back road to scare me I think and when we got home he broke my chairs threw my meal and said lots of horrible things. I love him so much but I don't feel safe and I can't find a way out that will work where I don't come running back.

So sorry that you are treated this way. Have you ever done the freedom programme? You really need support so that you can finally find the strength to leave before it escalates more and he kills you. Do you have any children?

Ypu need to go to your gp and tell them all of this. You need counselling and help to get away from this abusive and dangerous man before he tries to kill you.

Have you got any family/friends that can help/support you to leave him? Call a women's shelter? Womens aid? No one should put up with behaviour like this. Every time you think he's being sweet, think of every time he's done something to hurt you, emotionally or physically and keep that at the front of your mind. I know it must take a lot for someone to walk away but you absolutely know this is wrong otherwise you wouldn't be writing this

It's so hard to leave your first love and it can feel like an addiction but I promise you it's not as hard as you think and the only regret you will have is that you left it so long. You are still so young please leave this horrible man now. Go and stay with a friend or parent and end it.

Run.

YABU not to leave him. Why do you love him? He's dangerous. Get out before it's too late.

You don’t love him. You’re addicted to him. See him like heroin - he’s damaging you but you keep going back for more even though you know it’s wrong because the withdrawal part is more difficult than putting up with the pain. Until it isn’t.

You can’t do this on your own. You need help - preferably professional help - to escape from him, to detox from this relationship and to reset your boundaries so that you don’t go back and you don’t accept the same shitty treatment from anyone else in future.

What were the models of relationships you grew up with/around? How were your parents toward each other and to you? You need to examine why you’ve ended up settling for such an awful relationship - and it is AWFUL - before you’ll be able to leave for good. But please do this work on yourself asap before he kills you. Because this is a nasty piece of work make no mistake.

I have never heard of the freedom program thank you for the suggestion. I have tried therapy a few times but I always end up coming back. I am trying to come up with a final action plan where I do not come running back.

Get the hell out before he kills you

The Freedom programme link in case you don’t have it.
www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

You know what you need to do for your own safety and to have a future.

That is exactly how I feel, I do not know why I love him so much when he does not care for me. But whenever I try to leave I never can do it successfully. I know it is important that I leave but I lived with him for so long that whenever I try it doesn't work. That is why I am trying to find programs or ideas of how others left who were also addicted to a toxic relationship.

Evening.

We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our [[https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence Domestic
Violence]] page.

We have also moved your thread to our Relationships topic where we're sure you'll get lots of invaluable support and advice. There is no substitute for seeking help in real life though and we hope you can do that too.

With very best wishes from all at MNHQ

That is okay, I'm sorry, I honestly am using this website for the first time and navigating is not my best trait.
thank you for the link.

You might think you love him, but he hates you.

He hurts you on purpose. He abuses you physically and mentally.

He doesn't love you. He is a cruel bully who takes pleasure in seeing you being scared and frightened. Just take a minute to think about that.

You need to seek the strength to leave this relationship before any fatal damage is done.

Please leave as soon as possible.