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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Dumped him, now he's making up his own version of events

27 replies

iloverock · 27/01/2022 12:49

Have been having doubts about a 3 year relationship. I posted on here about it and it helped.
It all came to a head last week, it's ended.
He is now trying to rewrite history and saying I mentally abused him - because I was withdrawn and quiet for the period before I ended things.

He is telling me my best friend is having an affair and everyone knows. She's not but it's none of his business anyway.

He is now implying to me that I've been cheating on him. I wasn't. He's posting stupid things on fb to cause drama and suggestions and he has told me he won't stop until he has the truth.

It's incredibly frustrating and heartbreaking.

I've blocked him on fb and deleted his no from my phone.

Why do they do this. Why can't he just have some dignity.

I want to tell him and make him see sense and tell him to stop embarrassing himself like this.
Many friends have told me to block and ignore. Don't engage.

OP posts:
GreyCarpet · 27/01/2022 12:54

Why haven't you listened to your friends?

Your friends and people who know you will know the truth. Everyone else? Let them think what they like.

And ignore him yourself.

BlingLoving · 27/01/2022 12:54

I didn't see your previous thread (or don't remember) but assuming you were concerned because of his behaviour, and ended it accordingly, it's not entirely surprising.

A friend's ex has spent months trying to get her friends to help him stage some kind of intervention because she's apparently so crazy, accuses her of having an affair with her female colleague (she's not even bi-sexual so that one is just bizarre) and loves to put passive aggressive comments and pictures on social media.

These men often genuinely believe their BS. Or they're just wankers who want to destroy other people. Keep blocking and hopefully you can move on.

Crimeismymiddlename · 27/01/2022 14:05

Listen to your friends ignore. Everyone will see it is the mad ramblings of a man who can not believe you had the audacity to dump him and is trying to convince himself/others that REASONS are to blame.
Also, the amount of people who do this is insane, why can’t people keep the dignity, I mean I get teenagers and possibly people in their twenty’s but actual grown adults with mortgages and kids and grown up lives, baffling.

toppkatz · 27/01/2022 14:24

Just block him on everything and ignore.

He's a git, don't give him any headspace.

SavageBeauty73 · 27/01/2022 14:33

Block him.

TheYearOfSmallThings · 27/01/2022 14:37

Block, delete, ignore. You dumped him for a reason and he is proving by every action that you did the right thing. He will move on quickly and you will be fully rid of him. Well done!

mewkins · 27/01/2022 14:48

He will soon get bored when he doesn't get the response he wants. Block him on social media and trust that all right thinking people will know he is being a dick.

IlIlI · 27/01/2022 14:58

Yes, just block and ignore. He's proving you were right in breaking up so that's one thing at least. He will only be making himself look like an idiot, not you, so let him carry on.

TheFoundation · 27/01/2022 15:07

Why do you mind if he embarrasses himself? What bothers you about it so much? If he was dignified, you'd still be with him, wouldn't you?

He's trying to manipulate with you, and you're engaging with it. You are in control of the latter, and you are not in control of the former. It doesn't matter what he does or says. How you respond is the part you're responsible for.

If you think that having dignity is important, have some yourself. Don't engage.

Original poster
iloverock · 27/01/2022 15:23

I know that you are all right. I've given friends exactly the same advice I. The past.

I know if I engage he's gonna throw more accusations at me.

But my god it's frustrating.

OP posts:
Sn0tnose · 27/01/2022 15:32

If you message him and tell him to stop, it’s showing him that if he wants to have contact with you then he just needs to behave badly enough that it pushes you to a point where you’ll contact him.

Ignore completely. You know the truth. What he is claiming simply doesn’t matter.

Original poster
iloverock · 27/01/2022 15:39

I presume his fb crap is to get a response and his threat to continue until he gets the truth is for me to beg him to stop.

OP posts:
TheFoundation · 27/01/2022 15:44

Keep the phrase 'Silence is dignity' in your head.

WeaverofWords · 27/01/2022 15:45

Block him, delete, ignore. Enjoy the peace. And repeat.

sugarapplelane · 27/01/2022 15:45

Men don't like rejection for some reason. They can't take it so try to make out you're the problem.
Block and ignore.

TheFoundation · 27/01/2022 15:56

Common tactic amongst women, too, @sugarapplelane

twoshedsjackson · 27/01/2022 18:50

"Those that matter, don't mind, those that mind, don't matter." Think of it as a way of refining your friendship group, as real friends will see right through him.

Hoppinggreen · 27/01/2022 18:51

@TheFoundation

Common tactic amongst women, too, *@sugarapplelane*
Well that’s helpful
Pinkbonbon · 27/01/2022 19:09

You could potentially report him for harassment. And slander if he is naming you and accusing you of unbecoming things on fb.

Tell him that if he continues to contact you, you will report him for harassment. Then block him on everything.

Pinkbonbon · 27/01/2022 19:16

Oh and screenshot all his nasty messages and the message of you telling him you want no further contact. So that you have evidence should he continue to harass you.

TheFoundation · 27/01/2022 19:36

Well that’s helpful

It is helpful to pick up on casual sexism, either way, @Hoppinggreen, but thanks for your helpful opinion.

Hoppinggreen · 27/01/2022 19:44

I don’t think it’s at all helpful to chip in with “but women do that too” when someone complains about their Male partner doing something.
Maybe if the poster had said that ONLY men do that but they didn’t
No sexism involved

TheFoundation · 27/01/2022 19:47

@Hoppinggreen

I don’t think it’s at all helpful to chip in with “but women do that too” when someone complains about their Male partner doing something. Maybe if the poster had said that ONLY men do that but they didn’t No sexism involved
Interesting to know that you don't find it helpful. Thank you. I'll keep your opinion in mind when posting in the future.
twowheelsgood · 27/01/2022 21:19

How nice of him to rubber stamp your reasons for ending the relationship. Whatever he says in response is irrelevant. Remember: "those that mind don't matter, and those that matter don't mind". Onwards and upwards!

Original poster
iloverock · 30/01/2022 18:35

I know I shouldn't be letting this bother me but he's still posting crap.

About how he's been taken for a fool. He's been used. Red flags etc. none of this is true. Thanking people for all their support ( funny thing is his posts are only getting 2 or 3 likes)

I never thought he would behave like this ffs. He's a 55 year old man.

Why would you want to hurt someone you claim to love.

OP posts:
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