AIBU? Partners ex contacting him

[ladygaga14]

Hi everyone

My partner and I have been together for 15 years. He had spilt up with his ex a year or 2 prior to us meeting. Recently she has contacted him, completely out of the blue a couple of times late at night, privately via social media to ask him to come to her house. I suspect she is lonely & possibly drunk. She said she was up late as her child does not sleep. I don’t know if she is in a relationship with their father. My partner replied to her and said no, using the excuse that I wouldn’t be very happy if he did that. I’ve told him just to ignore her messages so she gets the message. I don’t want to create a big deal as I’m not remotely threatened but I find it very disrespectful of her to contact her & a bit annoyed that he wasn’t more blunt with her. They do not have any children together and so there is no reason she would need to contact him. How would u all react?

He's gaslighted you into believing he's not a twat.

He's horrible with a cruel nasty streak.

You are right to question his nature.

He's enjoying keeping options open and painting you as the bad cop ... Just no ... Rubbish, shine the light. Have boundaries .. this is bad..

Wow, he’s a shit. What is he hiding as he behaviour is bizarre! Can you gin in the holiday yourself still to have a break and make plans to leave him? He’s nasty, a liar and not trustworthy. He’s putting her before you.

@Oopsiedaisy80

Yh he thinks you might conveniently go away on the hol so he can explore this exciting new path that has opened up.. sorry OP she is getting her claws in

Yep

He is now refusing to go on holiday and forcing you to go without him. He will see all that as your fault, that you went without him and left him. That will be his reason for spending time with her whilst you are away, because you left him. All percectly reasonable to him. In fact everything both of you do will now be all your fault. I am sorry OP I don't have any advice for you, except to say I wouldn't go on the holiday without him. I wouldn't give him the excuse he wants.

"He said he didnt want to appear rude"

But he's happy to make you fearful enough that you hide from him for fear he will throw somehing at you.

And I also wouldn't go without him. It would be hard to have a nice time anyhow.

See how cruel the manipulativeness is of throwing your precious gift back in your face because you've 'dared' to trust him with your genuine feelings of upset over the ex texts. So mean.

It's very sad, OP, to share one's minutes with someone so mean.

He for sure has been communicating since the funeral, if not before.

Quite apart from these texts, yes too mean to stay with, imo. It sounds like you don't have kids. So ... much simpler choice.

Any normal person would just hit the block button and wouldn’t respond. DH’s ex tried pulling a stunt like this shortly after we got together. She knew he was now in a relationship so I think was testing the waters to see whether he was still secretly into her. He just blocked her everywhere and told me about it too, hasn’t heard a peep since to my knowledge. Problem solved.

The fact he wouldn’t block his ex from 17 years ago who was trying it on when he’s married is just a bit weird. I don’t know why he even replied. His blow out at you is bonkers behaviour too, maybe he does want to get back into her pants after all… I’d be reconsidering the marriage personally.

He sounds a nasty dangerous cunt
The more I read the worse he gets
Whatever you say or do he will make everything your fault whilst doing as he pleases
He has no though for you happiness and no respect, happy to scare you with violence in your own home is disgusting
He is violent and manipulative
You can do so much better
If it’s not too late go away with a friend
Really sounds like you need to leave him
Escape asap

Is it the first time he's got physical op? You hiding behind the door suggests not.