Are you in love?

[sweetpeaaa]

Would you say you're in love with your partner? If so, how do you know? What do you love about them?

Yes, but I don't think "I love you because (whatever)" - that doesn't seem right; I fell in love before knowing lots of those things, and it's not a rational totting up of benefits and drawbacks. I prefer to think "I love you AND (whatever)".

That said - sees the best in people, determined to make the world a better place, driven by internal passions and beliefs rather than what others think, irrepressibly cheerful, intellectually curious.

Yes, I love my DH. We have been together for 15 years. Met at work!
I knew when I felt comfortable and content with doing nothing just being around each other.

U?

I'm in love with a couple of people and in "relationshippy butterflies" with a couple more and intrigued by yet more. I love love.

That's a bit like asking 'How do you know you're sad?' It can be partially explained by a few physical things (ie, 'heavy heart' for sad, or 'heart racing when I see them' for in love), but it doesn't really define it, because it's an emotion, and they defy definition. You just know. I think that if you ask the 'How do I know if I'm in love?' question, you're not in love, because people who are in love simply don't question it.

I look at my partner and my heart swells. I recently learned that this is actually a biological phenomenon, and extra blood flows into the heart when we release the hormones caused by 'in love' (so it's like our heart gets an erection!), which blew my mind a bit. But yes, looking at them and thinking 'Oh my god, you're absolutely amazing!!', and having that heart feeling is a good way of defining it for me. It'll be different for everyone, of course.

@TheFoundation

That's a bit like asking 'How do you know you're sad?' It can be partially explained by a few physical things (ie, 'heavy heart' for sad, or 'heart racing when I see them' for in love), but it doesn't really define it, because it's an emotion, and they defy definition. You just know. I think that if you ask the 'How do I know if I'm in love?' question, you're not in love, because people who are in love simply don't question it.

I look at my partner and my heart swells. I recently learned that this is actually a biological phenomenon, and extra blood flows into the heart when we release the hormones caused by 'in love' (so it's like our heart gets an erection!), which blew my mind a bit. But yes, looking at them and thinking 'Oh my god, you're absolutely amazing!!', and having that heart feeling is a good way of defining it for me. It'll be different for everyone, of course.

Oooh I'd love to know more about this! Do you have a link to any reading? Fascinating stuff ❤️

@TheFoundation

That's a bit like asking 'How do you know you're sad?' It can be partially explained by a few physical things (ie, 'heavy heart' for sad, or 'heart racing when I see them' for in love), but it doesn't really define it, because it's an emotion, and they defy definition. You just know. I think that if you ask the 'How do I know if I'm in love?' question, you're not in love, because people who are in love simply don't question it.

I look at my partner and my heart swells. I recently learned that this is actually a biological phenomenon, and extra blood flows into the heart when we release the hormones caused by 'in love' (so it's like our heart gets an erection!), which blew my mind a bit. But yes, looking at them and thinking 'Oh my god, you're absolutely amazing!!', and having that heart feeling is a good way of defining it for me. It'll be different for everyone, of course.

I've just googled it 😂

After 30 years, I'm in a perpetual state of simmering anger and resentment.

Yes I am in love with my partner. I have been since the moment I met him. It's hard to explain all of the reasons why or how he makes me feel. He isn't perfect, but I think he is incredibly perfect. I want to make him happy, I want him to feel safe, loved, appreciated and the crazy/wonderful thing is he feels exactly the same about me.

Feel free to vomit now! I think that is the soppiest most sickly thing I've ever written 😂

It's true though.

😂😂 I've been with mine for 10 years, maybe I'll join you in that feeling at 30 😂😂

Well I'm trying to be. DW and I are trying to (re)connect in ways we perhaps never did when we met through an em affair that became leaving spouses and cohabiting really quickly. Then marriage and bumbling along with loads of stuff under the carpet and hurting each other in big and little ways.

So we have Relate assessment tomorrow and some dates lined up (we are in the same house but separate rooms) we'll see from there.

I realised just how much I loved DH when he had a short lived EA with an ex from way before we met. I couldn’t imagine life without him. I’m fortunate to be in a position that I have never needed him financially so letting go physically would have been easy. But emotionally I would have struggled.
Repairing our relationship has been a healing process and the jump start to spending quality time together. We are both approaching retirement age and maybe we needed to explore the changes going on. Lockdowns and a health problem have put us in a stronger place. The EA just forced us to talk, I wouldn’t recommend it but I would recommend a relationship review if things have become a bit stale.

@BoodleBug51

After 30 years, I'm in a perpetual state of simmering anger and resentment.

After 10 years this is me. I can't see it making it to year 11 tbh.

Absolutely. He makes my heart feel full of love. Don’t get me wrong, he’s not perfect, neither am I. We can fall out and be twats to each other.

But I will love him, flaws and all, for every day of the rest of our lives.

Absolutely.

We're 6 years in, friends for 10. Two small babies, testing times but I do love him and I'd never want to be with anyone else

Yes. I’m an introvert and he’s the only person I don’t need ‘time-out’ from.

@totallyoutnumbered

I don't know. I will have heard it on Radio 4 but I can't remember the programme. It was a scientific study though, rather than some fluffy Valentine's crap. I'd like to listen to it again but I can't remember what it was!

Yes, Im still in love with my husband - even though he died over 3 years ago. He was the one for me, I never had and never will love anyone else.

Head over heels.
How do I know? I just feel it, deep in my chest. He makes me smile just to be around him, we laugh together all the time, he supports me in everything I do, he feels safe… he feels like home.
Been married 2.5 years, together 6 years. 1 baby son.

No. I wish he’d go away.

@BoodleBug51

After 30 years, I'm in a perpetual state of simmering anger and resentment.

Me too. Roll on no fault divorce in April.

Smitten. He’s been vomiting for days and I wish I could take it from him. He’s the best person ever.

I can't imagine him not being around or being with anyone else & wouldn''t want to, he makes me happy

@Untrained

Yes, Im still in love with my husband - even though he died over 3 years ago. He was the one for me, I never had and never will love anyone else.

So sorry xx

@Untrained I’m genuinely so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine, however please let yourself be loved again, you absolutely deserve it and I almost guarantee your husband will think the same

How do I know? I justfeelit, deep in my chest. He makes me smile just to be around him, we laugh together all the time, he supports me in everything I do, he feels safe… he feels like home

This is what I had with the man i just broke up with. It was wonderful.