Ending relationship because he’s useless?

[HitBreakingPoint]

I’m considering ending my long term relationship because my partner is fucking useless (and lazy). We have young children, one of whom is only a baby.
An example of his uselessness is he works early some days so home before school/nursery pick up. Kids will come home from school and he’ll get them changed out of uniforms but doesn’t put a single thing away properly, so the next morning is an absolute frantic (resulting in being late) search for someone’s shoes etc. I could think of a million examples but they’re all along the same kind of lines. The long and short of it is day to day life would be so much easier if he wasn’t here!
The relationship is good otherwise, am I overreacting or is this a valid reason to end a long term relationship with kids involved?

I think you're over reacting from what I've read if your relationship is good otherwise, no ones perfectly organised all the time, losing shoes in the morning happens, I can't remember how many times this has happened to me. I think you're blessed to have him helping out with the school runs, not everyone has this.

What's the alternative, do everything yourself and break the family up?

@dopple

I think you're over reacting from what I've read if your relationship is good otherwise, no ones perfectly organised all the time, losing shoes in the morning happens, I can't remember how many times this has happened to me. I think you're blessed to have him helping out with the school runs, not everyone has this.

What's the alternative, do everything yourself and break the family up?

"Blessed to have him helping out with school runs" ...... did you miss the part where OP said THEY had children?? The children belong to both of them he's not helping out, it's a basic responsibility.

OP you have my sympathy! No suggestions I'm afraid, I just know how you feel x

Well he works, which is better than some of the really useless and lazy DPs I've read about on here.

Vast majority of dads are at work all day and childcare left to the mother, what would happen if she was a single mum, even more so on her own.
I think she should be great full

Nobody helps their partner out with the school run! If it's their kids then it's 50% their responsibility and any suggestion otherwise is simply helping the patriarchy... Fuck that.

However, it does feel a little extreme. I feel this isn't the only thing that's been pissing you off recently OP?

Did @dopple just arrive in a timeship from the 1950s?

Been doing the school run 15 years and it's mostly mums that do it!

@dopple

I think you're over reacting from what I've read if your relationship is good otherwise, no ones perfectly organised all the time, losing shoes in the morning happens, I can't remember how many times this has happened to me. I think you're blessed to have him helping out with the school runs, not everyone has this.

What's the alternative, do everything yourself and break the family up?

What the hell are you talking about? Blessed to have his minimal "help" with his own children? Bore off.

OP you don't have to have a good enough reason to end a relationship that's doing nothing for you. You can't be attracted to someone you regard as useless and you shouldn't feel you have to stay with someone you don't want to be with, ever. Lose the dead weight.

@Treacletoots sadly is is a fact that it's still in this age mothers are still doing the school run more than the fathers.

No he doesn’t help with the school runs I just said he’s home before school run.

I think she should be great full

I accept I may be over reacting but I refute I should be grateful. They’re his children and it’s his house as much as it is mine!

And no I won't bore off
End the relationship then, let another woman have him and do it all yourself

@dopple

And no I won't bore off End the relationship then, let another woman have him and do it all yourself

"let another woman have him"

One born every minute.

Your relationship really isn't "good", though, is it? You made this post because you are being taken advantage of and the resentment has grown to unmanageable levels. That is not a good relationship. Your partner is like having another child.

Well, if you are earning well enough to keep a roof over your kids’s heads, I highly recommend it, nagging someone to help is more tiring than raising the kids alone.

Just remember that divorce is not a marriage with two houses. If he helps so little now, he will help far less and be far less focused on the children after he moves on and starts a new family.

@dopple I'm not sure I agree. At our DCs school most of the parents do it on equal terms.

And let's be honest. If nothing changes, nothing changes. If women still accept their career has to suffer, because their husband couldn't possibly be responsible for taking their kids to school 50,% of the time, who is making that decision?

I didn't have to even discuss with DH that my career wouldn't be taking a step back to facilitate dropping off our child and that he was expected to pull his equal weight, because he wanted to be an equal parent.

However, it does feel a little extreme. I feel this isn't the only thing that's been pissing you off recently OP?

No I suppose not. He has little to no drive regarding his family I feel, does nothing in the way of bettering our life. Never take initiative to plan holidays/days out etc. He’s almost like an extra child who does some chores. Gets up, goes to work, comes home, does the dishes, bed and repeat type thing. Feels like he adds very little to our family life but definitely makes things so much tougher than they ought to be. The one example I used, it can be like 10+?things like that in a day where I’m just left thinking everything would be so much easier without him here.

@dopple

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I don't believe I shall.

OP asked for advice, not a load of weird Stepford-wife drivel and guilt-tripping from someone who thinks a woman is a domestic appliance.

I get it OP. You both had children and now you do most of it, which costs a lot of energy, and on top of that his actions just give you more work to do.

I can't tell you to leave or not. Only you can decide, but your feelings are very understandable.

Oh dear. Well I used to have one of those and I can confirm life is definitely easier when you don't have an additional child..

@dopple

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This is hilarious use of a forum :)

OP, if you're referring to your partner in this way:

my partner is fucking useless (and lazy

then you're clearly at the end of your rope with the relationship. Sit him down and calmly tell him that this has got to deal breaker level. Explain what's bothering you, and how you feel. It should be clear fairly quickly afterwards whether he values the relationship enough to change something.

If he doesn't, the relationship isn't a good example to your kids of how an adult relationship should be/feel, so the fact that there are kids involved is a further reason to leave, rather than a factor that might make you decide to stay. Demonstrate to them that if you're not happy in a relationship, you simply leave. It'll stand them in better stead than spending the rest of their childhood with a dad sitting lazily on his arse, and a mum constantly trying not to blow her top because she's too busy to have time to actually express her emotions.

@Casper001
How so?

dopple i disagree with you. As someone with a large age gap between kids things are very different now to when I had my first . I see a lot of dads at school pick up, couples turn up at parents evenings and other co curricular events. The woman in the main all work too. In fact one dad retired young as he did a job which earned him a lot so he could. No woman should be grateful that a bloke looks after his own kids.

@TheFoundation
That’s what sent me to breaking point, I have spoke to him about it so many times. Full of promises then nothing changes