What would you think if your DP said this?

[whatth]

This morning my DP said "you'll be laughing on the other side of your fave in a minute if you keep laughing at me".

Context is argument where he brought up something that he knew would upset me and I sort of laughed about it because I was angry. I shouldn't have laughed.

It didn't feel great.

OP. You know that's bullshit right?

How long have you been together?

He's horrible from you, that's clear from this and other threads.

Living with a man who you feel could be violent is ample reason to immediately break up with them. You shouldn't feel you have to wait until that potential becomes a reality.

I promise you, whether you live alone in a safe environment or in future live with someone else in a safe environment, you will look back on this relationship and recognise how unbelievably unhealthy it is for you to live with someone you believe has the potential for violence towards you.

It's not normal, acceptable or to be expected.

And if your 18 year old has grown up for a few years witnessing this man treating his / her mum with at best little regard for her feelings and happiness then when you leave your partner it's worth having a chat with your child about relationship boundaries and acknowledging this dynamic as unhealthy and unacceptable. As the cycle of abuse dictates that children who grow up witnessing toxic dynamics are more likely to replicate them as adults themselves.

You deserve more than this.

Nice, decent, normal blokes don't say stuff like this.

They really, really don't.

@Ionlydomassiveones

“Men are worried women will laugh at them, women are afraid men will kill them.”

Germaine Greer said this. Sums up your situation op. You don’t have to live in fear or be inhibited about how you express yourself. Life is too short to waste on small men who threaten women when their fragile ego is threatened. Fuck that.

Margaret Atwood said it. The rest is of course true.

@whatth

He said he meant I would be laughing on the other side of my face if he left. Not convinced.

Ask him to try you and see

He wanted to hurt and upset you and when you laughed instead of being upset as he had expected and wanted, he threatened you.

That's really disturbing.

Do you want to stay with him?

[quote Ionlydomassiveones]@grapewine - thanks for the correction. I was sure I’d heard GG say it. It’s so true.[/quote]
No problem. It is very true.

He is threatening to hit you

@whatth

Thanks everyone. We love together but have no mutual DC. He used to get angry but hasn't in years. Never hit me. I just feel it's never far away if I was to really upset him if that makes sense.

It’s a threat of violence. If you’re living feeling like a physical assault is never far away then it’s time to walk away.

He will know full well that he’s controlling you with a threat of violence and intimidating you.

If my husband said that to me I'd laugh and ask him if he knew what it meant and chances are he wouldn't. I wouldn't think he was using it in a threatening way because that's not like him at all

Same shit pulled by both my parents when I was young.

Usually soon followed by a thump around the head.

yep, it's threat no matter how he tries to excuse it.

Thanks all. I know it's crap. I've got other stuff going on too. My dad has lymphoma and work is horrendously stressful. Also menopause stuff. I just keep crying and struggling to handle it all. My beloved dc is off to Uni this year and I can't even bear to think about it. DP is very offish. I don't know why we can't have an argument about something stupid like the heating without it getting nasty. We don't actually argue much. I can't be doing with arguments at all. It's just not worth it. Feel so rubbish tonight and keep having dizzy spells. I think it's stress.

@billyt that sounds horrible. It's an expression that only means one thing.

OP, see if you can find The Freedom Programme local to you. I think if you go you will understand your partner's behaviour better

@whatth It isn't a threat. It's a saying that means 'to warn someone that although they are happy or successful at the moment, things are likely to go wrong for them in the future'. I've always understood it to mean that you might think something is funny or positive, but you'll soon realise you're wrong - ie you've misread the situation.

I haven't heard it used as a threat.

All that said, if he's otherwise aggressive or threatening, then what that particular saying means is irrelevant. Also the way he said it, only you know if he was threatening you.

[quote layladomino]@whatth It isn't a threat. It's a saying that means 'to warn someone that although they are happy or successful at the moment, things are likely to go wrong for them in the future'. I've always understood it to mean that you might think something is funny or positive, but you'll soon realise you're wrong - ie you've misread the situation.

I haven't heard it used as a threat.

All that said, if he's otherwise aggressive or threatening, then what that particular saying means is irrelevant. Also the way he said it, only you know if he was threatening you.[/quote]
It is a threat. 3 pages of people have confirmed that it is a threat. Its a threat to hit somebody around the face.

There is no way to justify, excuse or minimize it, as much as you are trying to.

It isn't a threat. It's a saying that means 'to warn someone that although they are happy or successful at the moment, things are likely to go wrong for them in the future'.

@layladomino I.e. a threat. That's literally what a threat is. He wasn't implying that life will inflict something on the OP, but that he would.

@me4real

It sounds like he's threatening and abusive more widely than this. This clearly isn't about that one statement but a much bigger and serious issue.

And if you read my post I didn't attempt to justify it. I just answered the question that was in the first post. And I said if he's otherwise aggressive or threatening, then what that particular saying means is irrelevant

I was answering the immediate question asked - on its own, this statement isn't necessarily a threat. l know it can be used in a threatening way, but where I come from it means you've misread a situation and it isn't as good as you think it is. So if he hadn't done or said anything else that was absuive or unkind then on its own it isn't necessarily a threat. But I'm not going to derail with semantics.

Context is argument where he brought up something that he knew would upset me and I sort of laughed about it because I was angry. I shouldn't have laughed

Can you see how you’re already blaming yourself for his actions? I shouldn’t have laughed very quickly turns into I shouldn’t have provoked him