Does your DP/DH do his share?

[Shitemum]

Do you feel your partner does his share around the house and with the kids?

Mine does stuff i almost never do like take the rubbish out and cook, but is crap at other stuff like tidying up. He changed half of DD1s nappies and took it upon himself to wash them too. He's changed DD2 about 30 times in 15 months and I put the nappies in the wash at least half the time if not more..anyway...I feel he could be doing more.

yes

Yes. In fact he does more than me on childcare - he does all dropping off in the mornings and collecting at night and bedtime etc as I don't get in til 7.30 most nights.

He is as capable as I am re the house/children etc

ha! no he doesnt But he does work full time

So does mine.

Nope, but he's working and I have to let him off. I do all the cleaning and washing, he cooks, sometimes.

I work full-time, and no he doesn't. He is chronically ill and doesn't work but is energetic enough to cause a huge amount of mess, just not tidy it

Great with the kids. Bloody Marvellous, in fact

Does loads of cooking (thank God, I am crap)

Takes the bins out.

Shite at keeping the place tidy. Doesn't really multi-task... so will get the dds bathed, ready for bed, put to bed etc, but will leave water in bath, towels around the lounge, clothes where they were taken off, toys everywhere etc.

NEVER empties the dishwasher!!!

Wow I am just impressed yours takes the rubbish out and cooks, as mine cooks once in a blue moon and always forgets the rubbish. Hence me constantly carrying heavy bin liners full through the house when I was pregnant. He'll change nappies if asked, but will try to ignore bad smells as long as possible. He would never wash the nappies, he jujst leaves them in the sink for me. If I let him he'd sit on his arse and read the paper all day, when not at work. I just have to nag constantly ! So no, he does not do his fair share.

yes he helps alot but i dont think its ever 50% is it (all the wee extra fiddley bits ie birthdays, dinner money, buying socks eutc etc etc etc us women have to do)

Yes -mine works full time and I do 3 days - we have a 13 month old ds.

He drops off at childminder - I collect.

We equally share the cooking, and sorting out ds, ie bathtimes, playing with him, nappies, mealtimes etc.

I do most day to day housework and food shopping.

He does some housework, almost all DIY ( and there's always something..) services the cars, and gardening.

I feel it's a fair balance

He does absolutely nothing. No cooking, cleaning or bin taking out. In the new year, I will be hiring a cleaner and he will be paying for it! He works full time, I work part time, have a 4 yr old DD and a full time business

Dp is great at making a mess. When he gets in in the mornings (works nights) he makes himself some dinner, managing to use every pot and plate in the house and leaves them on the side.
He takes the rubbish out if I place the binbag in front of the door so he can't get out without moving it (although I have sometimes seen him move it to the side so he can get past, lol )
He ignores the cat box (am pregnant and shouldn't be emptying it really) even when it stinks to high heaven and i'm almost positive he's going to do it with the baby's nappy when it arrives.
He makes dinner if he's up in time... hmm I'm starting to think that maybe he could be doing more!!

Yes, he is ace

Maybe i'm just being lazy and selfish. He does take DD1 to nursery every morning on his bike to and picks her up most days. We used to take it in turns before DD2 was born.
He does the obvious tasks as mentioned in my OP but I feel like all the stupid little niggling boring things get left to me...the things that have to be done constantly, all day, on an on-going basis so it feels like i never stop...

I think I have a general question, which is that I see many threads on MN where a guy is regarded as a "great dad" and, when pressed, it turns out he is good at playing a few games with his children occasionally.

I assume on this thread we are not regarding a partner as having done his bit merely because he could be arsed playing games with the kids once?

When he worked noooooooo

But he has been off for the last year and a bit with PTSD and now he is fab fab fab. He probably does more than me around the house, all the clothes washing and cooks 5 nights out of 7. He also takes DD out for the day when I am knackered with the baby. But I really don't think he would've been like this if he hadn't been off work, it was a real sticky point between us then.

By great with the kids I mean more than just the usual 'Dad' malarkey...

Yes, he takes them out, plays with them etc...

But he also has them when I'm working (do shifts). He knows their routines as much as I do. Has no qualms about bathing, nappies, feeding, taking to Dr, anything else that comes up.

Does he do 50%? No, but he works full-time, and I'm a SAHM. I do most of the cooking, cleaning, shopping and laundry, but he does the majority of childcare when he gets home, which I appreciate more than doing the other things, because I can get what I need to do done in peace. He will happily take over the other duties if I'm feeling unwell, or just every now and then for no reason to give me a break. He is very aware of the fact having 2 younger than school age children means not really getting a "break" during the day, and does an amazing job providing one for me.

tribpot - no, i mean yes, what you say. I think it comes down to whether you feel any resentment about how much he does (i am not going to use the word 'helps' as that suggests it is all our job and we should be grateful if he 'assists' us!)

Dh can look after dd as well as I can and childcare is split. We each know whose turn it is to get up or change a nappy and just do it. He takes out the rubbish and does the hoovering, and I do the laundry. The rest, shopping, cooking and cleaning is split between us.

I do all the heavy parental rule/decision making and dd's shopping and he does the accounts and technical gizmo stuff. He more than pulls his weight - he's not someone who enjoys sitting around doing FA (unlike his wife..... ).

Mine doesn't. He works full time but I work 2.5 days a week too.

Mind you i was very ill this Xmas so he had to get on with looking after me and DS which I think has given him a kick up the backside a bit (DP "Oh im so bloody tired after looking after him all day"). Still not great but I think he's realised how much I actually do.

We are struggling with getting to and from nursery 3 days/week though - it's almost always me and that needs to change.

No. He cleans the toilets, does a bit of washing up (dishwasher does most of it), and does occasional stuff like change light bulbs, but I do pretty much everything else.

Mine would say yes but he is talking bollocks - basically he soes what he wants to do when he wants to do it unless I cry and then he makes a special effort for a day or so!

Well, dp works f/t and does have a longish commute, and perhaps once a month needs to spend a few days in London or abroad.

BUT BUT BUT

When he is here, he does easily his share of EVERYTHING.

On working days-

Atm he gets up with both kids (2 and 4) in the night if need be (am 8m pg).

He gets us toast and stuff in the mornings while we are all waking up, and he supervises the brushing of kids teeth while he shaves.

He will, entirely without being asked, pop into the shops on the way home and get milk or whatever he has noticed (yes) we are low on.

In the evenings, he reads, plays etc with the kids and gives me an actual break if I need one.

We do the kitchen together after supper, unless I am too shattered (see excuse above) in which case, he does it with the kids.

He basically is now doing the one hour, gruelling, bedtime routine with the kids while I "rest". He actually brings me tea before putting them to bed.

On non working days he does more because he is here more.

I actually feel quite lazy at times ;-)

But the key I think is that I do not have to nag him to do any of this. He sees it needs doing, he does it. He doesn't have any idea that by 5 o clock, he has done a days work and I, somehow, with 2 kids not in school, have been kicking my heels and watching oprah . Its the attitude as much as anything else that I appreciate. When baby #3 is born, he will have primary care of the older two for his 6 weeks paternity leave (yes) and I have no worries that the house will be a terrifying mess or the kids won't get fed or anything.

oh and he can mend computers and looks quite a lot like the current dr who. So I am quite pleased with him generally ;-) .

Having spoken to others with similarly good husbands though, I have to admit one thing emerges-I reckon women who have worked following the birth of their kids tend to have husbands who pull their weight more. (am SAHM now but this is relatively recent)