Wwyd?

[Bridgetsndme]

So I saw a guy as friends a few weeks ago - we’d previously been on a few dates a few years ago but I ended it - but we stayed in touch on and off. Went out for a few drinks and I mentioned I had a wardrobe that needed assembling - I wasn’t actually asking for his help. At the end of the evening he offered to help and I accepted. I actually did a lot of it but with his help - I’m not sure I could have done it completely by myself.
I offered to take him out somewhere to say thanks but having spoken to him in the mean time I can see why I only went on a few dates with him. He’s not that pleasant company, talks about himself all the time and shows no interest in me and is very dismissive. So I really don’t want to go out anywhere with him!
However I still feel grateful for his help with the wardrobe - should I make an excuse about going out and offer him some money instead?

Bump

No. Just leave it at that.

@Crumbs22 thanks for your reply. I kind of feel a bit guilty if I don’t offer anything but..

If he is someone you may see from time to time I would be polite and say you are really busy at the moment so not free to go out. But take him a bottle of wine as a thank you.

although I'm terribly polite in these situations as I have no diy skills what so ever.

Impossible for us to know the whole picture but it sounds like you might be giving out slightly mixed signals?
You’re not obliged to go to dinner (or wherever) with him. No “payment” is necessary for helping a friend put up a wardrobe, but understand that he might be getting the wrong idea.

As Pp says a bottle of wine is perfect.

Thanks for your replies. I don’t see him often at all - this was the first time In 3 years! A year before we went out about 5 times. In the last 3 years it’s just been the occasional texts. I actually have no intention of seeing him again so offering a gift would be difficult. Hence my idea of paying him…?

I was going to say give him a bottle of wine too. Can you drop it round to his on your way somewhere?

I should have added I don’t know his address so can’t drop a gift round!

You can ask him?

If he’s not important to you, and a bore, do yourself and him a favour and make your excuses.
It was possibly a slight misstep on your part to ask him/accept his offer of help, but I f he gets upset at not being payed for doing this favour, he’s not only a bore but a twat.

Yes, I could ask him but might sounds a bit strange?

@Palmfrond I know I really wish I’d said no now! But am obviously grateful.

How does this sound?
“I’ve got lots going on so not going to be able to meet soon. Am obviously grateful for your help with the furniture so if you let me know your email I could send you some money as a thank you by PayPal”

I think you are over thinking this; just accept the favour, and say thanks so much. I wouldn’t offer a friend payment for helping put up a wardrobe!
I’m a big strapping man btw, I do this kind of favour for people often enough. I usually get thanked, sometimes I get a bottle of wine, sometimes I get absolutely nothing. This is part of the deal of being helpful.

@Palmfrond thanks . I just feel bad for accepting help and giving nothing in return

There’s literally zero harm done. He might be a bit annoyed. Who cares?

No don’t offer payment. He might be insulted. If he’s a friend he’s probably expecting nothing in return.
After all shouldn’t friends be up for doing a favour for each other ?

If he does mention the taking him out, go for something neutral like coffee and cake ?

Just wait until he next suggests meeting up and then go with the being too busy to meet for a while and you’d like to send him a bottle of wine to say thank-you for the wardrobe help. He’ll either decline and say there’s no need or give you his address so you can drop it off.

But stop texting him. He isn’t your friend, he never was, you don’t want to see him again, you don’t like him. If you know that then there’s no need to send mixed messages by pretending to be friendly.

What about this ?
“I’ve got lots going on at the moment so won’t be able to meet for a while ,sorry. I would drop off some beers a thank you for your help with the wardrobe but I don’t know your address”

No need to excuse yourself- you could say;
“Thanks so much for the help, I must drop a bottle off at yours next time I’m in the area”
Yes, this a largely empty offer on your part, but people do this all the time, it’s just a sort of pro forma social lubrication.
Or just say “thanks again!” and done. Seriously.

Just say thanks again, how you really appreciated it.
That should be enough.
If he gets back to you suggest dropping off some beers( and ask for address)
Don’t apologise or come up with a reason for not taking him out.

Many people feel good for helping out and don’t need material reward.
Keep it simple.

Wow, you're massively overthinking this. Did you thank him at the time because that's really enough, he doesn't need money, wine or beer for a simple favour. Don't send any of those cringy texts, they're just weird.

I put up a bookcase for a male friend while he watched telly. Should I ask for payment?

@WhoppingBigBackside???
Assume you’re implying I watched and did nothing. I actually did a lot of it - he helped and explained some of the instructions.