How would your OH react?

[WineGetsMeThroughIt]

If you got home late by accident and caused your child to miss half their sports practice?

So a bit of background: my son has a regular sports practice 6pm every Monday evening. Normally I work from home on Mondays and my husband and son leave the house at 5 to go first and collect mg daughter from nursery and then drop my son off at football by 6, then husband drops her off here for dinner before doing an at home workout and then going back to get him for 7pm. Today I worked in the office, and when I do I that I usually leave at 5 to get her And then make my way home so they can get to football.

Well today I forgot. It had been since before Christmas since I had to collect my daughter and be back home so they could leave. I was out of routine and got side tracked and thought I just had to collect my daughter at 6. Husband messaged while I was on my way to collect her asking where we were. I realised I'd made a massive mistake and was on the verge of a panic attack racing to get my daughter and then get home. I knew he would flip out.

I called and offered to just pull up to the house so my son could jump in and then I would take him, but my husband wanted to take him. When we got home I came in and didn't say a word because I was too scared. Normally if I do something stupid my husband flips out and puts me down And yells at me and tells me my apology means nothing because if I cared it wouldn't have happened. So when he didn't say anything I didn't even want to bring it up because I felt guilty enough for making my son late.

Anyways husband got home and went upstairs to do his workout. Then came
Storming down at 6:50 when it was time to leave to get our son. He started yelling at me because he only had 12 minutes to work out and how he's dealing with everything while I'm at work and how I don't do anything and how I'm selfish and I don't care and basically have a negative effect on the entire family. I feel like He always yells and puts me down purposely making me feel shit. I have a lump in my throat and a put in my stomach because I feel like the most useless human being. This is a normal pattern.

I also have un-diagnosed ADHD which he refuses to acknowledge exists and insists says I just need to change and start caring about people other than myself.

So I'm wondering am I overreacting by taking it so personally? Obviously I feel terrible. But he makes me feel even worse.

How would your OH react?

I think you should see a solicitor OP. Pull all your financial information and go and find out who would get what in the event you decided to separate. You wouldn’t have to support both kids yourself, you husband would also have to do so. You don’t have to do anything, just find out,

It’s not normal to be afraid of your spouse. And it cannot be good for your kids to be growing up in this environment.

You need to get out. There's 2 possible situations. Both have ended with him being abusive. That's the main point.
Its not good for you and its certainly not good for the kids.

We all make mistakes. He is being an abusive bully regardless of your actions and he’s the one in the wrong here. From what I read from your post is that you’re scared of your own husband. That’s a clear sign you’re being abused.

When we got home I came in and didn't say a word because I was too scared. Normally if I do something stupid my husband flips out and puts me down And yells at me and tells me my apology means nothing because if I cared it wouldn't have happened.
It shouldn't matter what mistakes you make - you shouldn't be treated like this. Please don't accept this as your normal.

Ring Women’s Aid for support and advice.
There is financial help available if you’ll only look at your options.
Remember, you doing nothing means that your kids grow up in this, and will probably replicate your relationship in their future relationships.

Everyone makes mistakes at some point and whilst I appreciate that your husband was probably really fed up that you'd forgotten, his behaviour was not ok and you sound as if you're really scared of him! That is no way to live.

His beahviour is not normal. It's isn't reasonable or acceptable. It's bullying, abusive. Please don't disregard separating from him. Noone should be shouted at or feel scared in their own home.

Yes you made a mistake. But we all make them sometimes, and it isn't like you were out partying and forgot - you were working. His insults are not only cruel and abusive, they aren't based on any fact. They are just cruel words he throws out to hurt you.

Your OH is meant to be your biggesr ally. Your supporter. Your friend. A loving partner is respectful, caring, forgiving, reassuring, interested in your opinions, wants you to be happy. Does that describe your OH?
I doubt it. He isn't a good partner.

And this is an awful environment for children to be brought up in. Children should see healthy adult relationships, so they will go on to develop their own. If your daughter was in your position, what would you want her to do?