How does this work? ( On line dating related!)

[ratsratsratsagain]

Hi everyone,
I've been on line dating for a few months now and met quite a few guys and had lots of coffees and twice I've met one who I might like to see again.
With the first one ( Mr Handsome) he didn't get back to me after the date and eventually I sent him a message to say I'd enjoyed meeting him and didn't hear anything further. So from that I decided he didn't want to meet up again.
I met another one yesterday. ( Mr Chatty) Our coffee date lasted 3 hours and we seemed to get on well. He gave me a hug as we left, said he'd like to see me again and we discussed when we'd be available and all seemed good.

I've not heard from him since. So do I leave it and assume he's not interested, wait a few more days, or message him? I haven't dated for quite a few years so I'm completely out of touch with how these things work nowadays!
Any advice would be useful. 🙏

Just send a friendly text saying you enjoyed the date and it would be great to meet up again. If you get no reply then leave it there. Ghosting is rude but it happens. I can't get excited about it when it is very early days.

In my experience the ones that's are super interested, message soon as you get home to say they had a nice time. Maybe you could do this also.
Men are quite forward when they want to see someone again, I think you probably would of heard something by now.

First dates are a bit superficial, you don't really know what they think of you despite a kiss or saying they want to meet again, most won't say to your face there're not interested but go quiet afterwards.

Contact him if you really like him, just say you had a really nice time and that's it, his response will tell you more.

Thanks for the replies. Just thinking about sending a friendly message but I haven't plucked up the courage yet.
It's tough this dating thing!

And yes my past experience is the keen ones message you fairly quickly. 🙄

My make friend thinks men operate on a different timetable and I should give it time!

*male friend I meant!

Generally if you dont hear back quickly it means they're not that keen. By all means send a message but I would move on.

I’d send a quick message saying you enjoyed the date. Would be fancy another? And leave the ball in his court. If he’s not interested, he doesn’t have to reply but at least you’ve put yourself out there. Nothing to lose.

It might help to think that the first date isn't really a "date", it's just a meet. I think what happens is they have a number of women on the app and if not massively keen when they meet, they just move on to next person. Ghosting is common.

Personally I’d leave it.

You'll know when someone is into you: you aren't left feeling confused (as you are at the moment).

Most men (on a first meet/date) also want to ascertain how quickly you're willing to have sex. Maybe they were looking for a different thing to you?

I suppose what's really confusing me is that he seemed so keen at the time. Maybe this happens all the time and afterwards the person has time to reflect and think perhaps they're not for me after all.
We're both older, me 45 and him 52 so I guess I'd hoped there would be more honesty. A quick message to say it was nice to meet you but I didn't feel a connection is fine. I've done it to others many times if they've messaged to suggest meeting again and I don't want to.
Thanks for the replies.

I found OLD a thankless task but I have many friends who were successful and are now in long term relationships.

In my experience if they are interested they usually message to make sure you got home safely and let you know that they are keen to meet again.

I had many men who planned our second date during our first meeting, only to message the next day saying that there was no spark. I just found it strange and have no idea why you would sit and plan date no 2 when you have no intention of seeing that person again?! Thankfully I didn’t like them either so it was no loss.

I met my DP through a shared hobby after throwing in the towel with OLD.

Good luck OP

The ones that are keen will usually message you very quickly so I would assume he is not interested.

Also as a rule don't let a 1st meeting drag on for too long, even if you are enjoying the conversation. Always tell them in advance that you have somewhere to go after and only have about an hour free.. This is because some men will waste your time as they just fancy someone to talk to/are bored on that day. It does not mean that they have any real interest in you or seeing you again....so be ruthless with your time.

I’d leave it. I had the exact same experience as your first one. After that, I thought I decided to let the guy message back.

People don’t say anything during the date for two reasons.

1. most people will want to take time to have a think. We all meet plenty of ‘nice’ people, I think most of us want more than nice. As we get older I think some of us think on that a little more (I know I do).
2. people feel uncomfortable saying to someone’s face, yeah nice to meet you, no spark for me, I won’t be seeing you again, all the best. So they don’t.

Personally I invest next to nothing in a first date. I also wouldn’t give someone 3 hours over a coffee so early on. Have a hard stop (even if it’s a lie). Meeting a friend/ got an appt/ gym class. And leave after an hour (or whatever time you gave them). Then if they ghost you after that first date, it was just an hour of your life.

Personally I wait to hear from the person to ask me again. Men really are not shy in organising date two if they like you.

Just text him.
All this will he text, won't he text nonsense,
"Don't want to appear too keen, might scare him away .."
Screw all that shit, it's game playing nonsense.

Have coffee for an hour, get home, decide how you feel, tell them.
If they don't reply in a reasonable time frame, move on, if they do reply then go from there.

Everyone's different but I generally message soon if I like them, like "Was great meeting you earlier, I got home safe and watched X. Do let me know/give me a shout if you want to meet again for coffee."

I'd say be clear but also don't "try too hard", either they like you enough for a second meet or they don't?

It was only yesterday so I wouldn't jump to conclusions just yet!! I would send a quick friendly message asking when he's free to meet again and if he doesn't reply, you have your answer and can move on.

Thanks for the replies. I sent a message this morning just saying how are you? Do you fancy a walk sometime? He hasn't read it yet and I don't think I'm going to hear anything back.
I think it feels to me like bad manners when you get no response at all. Maybe I'm old fashioned and this is completely normal dating behaviour nowadays!

I don't message after the date I wait to hear , in the past the ones who messaged after seemed to work out even for a little while

Although I have tried to keep coffee dates short and sometimes like you they've ran over because you're getting on so well.
I'm rubbish at it though , I seem to meet the ones who say they're looking for a relationship but go down the quotes clearly wanting a hook up instead so I don't really get much past a couple of dates and I'm finding online dating so boring it's the same questions on repeat and the amount of men who message and say I've never been married and have no kids like a badge of honour ! I'm 47 so starting to think I'm prob going to be going it alone forever now 🤣

@foxlover47 it’s so boring isn’t it! The same questions and answers on repeat, I lose track of what I’ve said to people and can tell they have lost track too I’m going to have a rest from it for a bit I think, it’s driving me mad

@ratsratsratsagain

Thanks for the replies. I sent a message this morning just saying how are you? Do you fancy a walk sometime? He hasn't read it yet and I don't think I'm going to hear anything back. I think it feels to me like bad manners when you get no response at all. Maybe I'm old fashioned and this is completely normal dating behaviour nowadays!

Don’t take it personally OP, this has happened to me before as well and I think it is just how things are now. I miss traditional dating!

@Gettingonwithit12 yea this a million times lol
It's the what you up to ones aswell ? At 11 pm .... jog on mate
I miss them days too , being in a pub and getting chatting to someone

Yes it's awful the old line dating thing. It's so boring and frustrating. I've been doing it for 5 months so far and only met one I liked who agreed to meet again and we then met a few times before he said he wasn't feeling a spark, another one I liked who ghosted me and then this one.
All the others I've met I haven't wanted to see again.
Feeling disillusioned by it too gettingonwithit12 and Foxlover47 but I never meet men in real life so it's this or remain single forever!