Please help me make sense of this

[Sea9]

Hi, not sure if I'm seeing things clearly at the moment, please give me your thoughts on this. Been seeing this man for 7 months. We dated for around 2 months before things got physical. He never contacts me but tells me to contact him and he will always make himself available to see me - and he does, he's always makes the time to see me when I contact him. But to the life of me I have no idea why he does not contact me!

We don't date anymore since things have become physical which I don't really mind as we are both enjoying the sex and talking more, getting to know eachother more. However my problem is I feel something is missing, I feel if I don't contact him then he may never contact me which is really strange as I feel he is into me a lot and I am him.

I'm starting to get feeling for him which I don't think I want due to how things are with us. I think he is getting feelings too.

Should I stop seeing him? All I would have to do is not contact him again I guess.

Should I tell him how I feel?

I also don't like the idea of me always contacting him to see him. Although I know he misses me and wants to see me so why not be the one who contacts first sometimes?

He tells me he's not like regular guys and I think he likes this idea of him being "different".

What a weird one, OP!

Have you asked him why he prefers this approach?

It's anyone's guess really, but is it possible he likes the ego stroke of being sought out?

The one-way nature of it isn't really fair on you, because you also want (and deserve) to feel sought out. x

Yes. Cut all contact. Stinks of you being the bit on the side to be honest.

Dump him. It’s blatantly a power play - no equal loving relationship can ever develop.

Is it possible that he's afraid of appearing needy, maybe he has been so in the past, and so doesn't want to risk calling you too frequently or something?

Thank you for the replies.

@Alcemeg yes, I think that could be it or at least part of it the ego stroke/being sought out. The one-way nature of it isn't really fair on you, because you also want (and deserve) to feel sought out thank you, you are right and it's getting me down later but I'm trying not to let it.

@ZedMammy I'm definitely not the bit on the side. I know his life inside out and we have many long time mutual friends.

@AtrociousCircumstance yes I have thought about it being a power play, it certainly feels like it at time.

He's lazy and not that interested, sorry, you're handing it on a plate to him, likes you enough to have sex but he's not emotionally connected to you.
I'm sure you are a lovely person but don't waste your time on him. Leave it, I expect he probably reach out eventually but do you feel you deserve more than this?

@ladygindiva I don't think it could be that. He's an intelligent man and knows reaching out just sometimes would not come across as needy.

I don't know what his game is

@dopple yes I do think I deserve more and I do want more from him. I was fine with how things are until I recently started getting feeling now I feel I should just end it but he is now getting more emotionally involved so I'm thinking if I stick it out a bit longer he might then want more and open up more as he is starting to.

This is a strange one. Is he afraid of rejection perhaps? Or does he just like the fact that you have to do all the running? What is the longest time you have left it between contacting him?

@dopple he is stating to be more emotionally avaliable with me. I don't know if I should give it a bit longer or end it now.

@PinkSyCo he is definitely afraid of rejection I believe this and he has given me reason to believe this. He also has a huge ego. The longest has been a few weeks and he has reached out maybe a handful of times.

I just can bring myself to be the one to message him again to see him. It just feels wrong if you see what I mean.

I've never known anyone like this before.

You can't expect much from a one sided connection, it takes two to make it work, how incredibly dull it must be to always be the one to contact first. I would get the hint quickly if I realised someone I was seeing wasn't interested enough ever to contact me without a prompt.

I guess you like him too much to just give up, go no contact and distract yourself with some other options, get out of the pattern of this.

If he really wants you then he wouldn't be able to stop himself from contacting you, the fact the dates have stopped and it's just now seeing him for sex is just that, see it for what it is not what you're hoping for.
Leave it and see what effort he can bring in...

Is it possible that he feels he can take you or leave you (could he be in love with someone else?) but when you contact him he takes advantage of the opportunity?

@dopple but I know he definitely is interested as crazy as that sounds. This is what makes it all the more strange/frustrating.

@Tailsyflugbun he's been single for a long time so I don't think there is someone else.

@Tailsyflugbun yes I think he may feel he can take me or leave me.

He also has a huge ego. The longest has been a few weeks...

Blimey, OP, a few WEEKS?!

If he has a huge ego, it sounds as though you are expected to shore it up for him, at the expense of your own, which is not a nice pattern to be stuck in.

@Alcemeg yes . Maybe I should stop seeing him but I like seeing him this is where is gets confusing. I don't know what I should do.

I would tell him how it's getting you down, and if he doesn't start making an effort I would move on. It's not good enough to expect you to make all the effort.

It sounds like you're just friends with benefits. If that's what you want?

He sounds a bit of an avoidant/commitment phobe. By not contacting you and telling you to contact him is basically passing off all responsibility for the relationship to you. He doesn't have to do anything except to respond. Maybe it is some sort of power play/control thing, or more likely he just doesn't want a 'full time' relationship. You say you don't date anymore, so the whole thing sounds like a no effort, no commitment friends with benefits type thing.

Whatever it is, it's not normal boyfriend behaviour. It can't be fear of rejection because you're already in a supposed relationship, he can't get rejected at this stage, only dumped. And you say he's not short on female attention, can get whoever he wanted. That doesn't sound like the sort of bloke who's going to have rejection fears, neither does him having a huge ego.

He sounds more like the sort of person who's so confident that he can get someone else that he doesn't need to put any effort in.

@Forrandomposts yes we heve kinda fallen into that but is that the norm for the one person to always contact first in these situation?

@altmember thank you. Yes maybe. I might wait it out for a while. I can't bring myself to message him again to see him. I cringe inside each time I have to message him but I want to see him at the same time.

@altmember
Maybe it is some sort of power play/control thing

I think this is what is it as he always want to be in control. What do you think could be the reason for this, the power play/control thing? What would he get from this? And why would he do this?