Should we split before Christmas?

[johnnydeppsmistress]

Sorry to keep ranting about me & dh splitting up but I have not yet had the courage to tell him that we are splitting up! With Xmas round the corner and work pressures on dh, I have not had the heart to tell him. Of course, there's never a good time... but I wanted someone else's opinion, am I doing the right thing by waiting 'til after Xmas. Also, how should I behave - as if all is well or the opposite? I am so confused. I don't want to hurt him and especially not the kids at this time of the year.

Can you bear it and be happy till after Christmas??? Or do you think you'll break with the tension???
If you can be happy then try and stick it out maybe. If you can't be happy then for the sake of the kids and you and dh yo0u may well be better off splitting up before

thats a really tricky one! I think i would wait until after xmas - thats if you can bear to stick it til then. Does he have any clue as to how you feel? Has he had chances to resolve it? (sorry i must have missed your other threads!) If he hasnt done anything to resolve things then i would just be blatantly honest and make it as quick and painless as poss - if there is such a thing?! You saying you havent heart to tell him makes me wonder if you really want him to go?

What's eating your relationship - and how come he doesn't know how you feel? Get this out in the open now.

You are right, xmas won't be much fun, but it sounds like it's not going to be the hit of the year anyway.

I have no idea how old your children are, but as a product of a "broken home" it is not going to be easy whenever you decide to tackle this.

Sorry - I realise I sound incredibly callous. I just don't think that the dishonesty is worth it.

I think you should stay if you can bear to and you are not rowing constantly. Think of the children. To split now would be a horrible thing to do to them, especially if they are of an age when they know what Christmas is about and will remember this one in the future. TBH I think if you can bear to stay, there might still be a chance of the relationship continuing, but I haven't seen your other threads so maybe I am completely wrong there. My instinct would also be to say, hang on in there if you conceivably can.

hi JDP, i was the same as you when i split up with exp. it was his 21st birthday coming up and i didnt want to ruin it for him. but i couldnt bare it and things happened that pushed me over the edge so i ended up splitting up with him 2 weeks before it. if you can, try to stay til xmas as it'll be better for the children, but have you tried talking to dh since? i cant remember from your last thread if you had or not. xxx

Thanks all! We have not discussed our problems recently - we are barely speaking at all. I'm afraid that if we do discuss them (again!) I will blurt out that I want us to split and as most of you have said now is not the right time. Although leaving is all I think about day in, day out, I can stick it until after Xmas for both his and the kids' sake. But I have made my mind up - I don't want to be with him anymore.

Sorry to hear about your problems JDM and I think it's going to be a long 5.5 weeks for you. It's tough to bide your time when you've made a decision. But I guess that's best for your kids. Will he move out without a fuss do you think?

No, I don't think he will - amongst other problems, we run our business from home plus he has nowhere to go. I think it will end up being me and the kids who move out to start with. I plan to go to my parents first of all then find somewhere to rent.

I'm not a solicitor or anything but I think you would be best getting him to go and rent somewhere because you lose your rights to stay in the house. Normally you can stay in the house while you have the kids under 18 or something. Sure some of the excellent lawyers on here can help you more.

So would you have to continue working together?

if you go here go into browse and you can find different subjects that can help you such as housing xxx

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Sorry to hear of your problems, and it must be hard. I think if you have decided to go, and will go and can wait till after xmas that would be the best for the children, but if then its, i'll just wait till new year, and then after ??? birthday etc etc, then I think you should perhaps think about leaving now.

Wish you well.

Hi w&r, yes of course - fire away! Although if it's very personal stuff you want to know maybe I'd be better off emailing you direct?

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Hi jdp , 2 years ago me and dh had rather a large hiccup and resulted in him leaving me for a few months . He left the first week in January -which for him was easier than going in December. But xmas was crap and very false. In fact last year although we were back together and he wanted to make it special I hated it. I don't know how old your kids are though. You have got time to sort it if you act now. Like breeze said will there always be an occasion that will be an obstacle to you saying something.If you not talking doesn't sound like xmas will be much fun and you don't want to blurt it all out on xmas day.

Wig & Robe - fire away, I'm ready! I have made my mind up to tell him after Xmas. I agree that no time is a good time, but now would really be a very bad time and I can grin & bear it until January.

when my mum and dad split up many moons ago,they waited till after xmas for the sake of me and my sisters.it was nice to have one last happy occasion with them both,but they were very good actors as i did not suspect a thing.if you are finding it unbearable being under the same roof or there is alot of tension it's best if you don't wait,because it will ruin everyones xmas especially the kids and they will remember it for a long time.

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Hi W&R. The business premises are part of our home but separate from our living area (bedrooms, reception rooms etc). The house is jointly registered with Land Registry. Ideally I would pay rent etc on a new home but currently our finances are from one big pot, so to speak. So until finances are formally "divided" it would be technically be both of us paying for a new home (I guess ?)

Haven't read the whole thread JDM so sorry if I'm repeating what others have said. I would say wait until you have made plans/sought advice about what you will do once you have separated re: money, where to live etc. I know it sounds callous, but you have to be practical. Of course if the situation is unbearable, get out (or get him out) as soon as possible. Sorry you're going through this and good luck x

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Thanks W&R. I can't see him agreeing to leave as the main problem is that I've fallen out of love with him. Of course there are other problems & it takes 2 to tango & all that but how do I say "Sorry, I don't love you anymore so go". I thought it would be so much easier if me & the kids moved out. Neither of us could afford to keep the house if we split up so it would have to be sold and new business premises would have to be found etc.... gosh, this is sounding so complicated - and scary

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I don't understand why the property wouldn't have to be sold.Surely if neither of us can afford to maintain it alone, then we'd have to sell? The house would be way too big for just the kids and me and far too expensive to live in. Also, I would not want to live here whilst dh is still working here.

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