Is this just casual or does he want something more serious with me? Advice?

[freeinsight95]

Matched with a guy on bumble and we seem very much into each other. On his profile, it said 'don't know yet' about what he wants, mine said casual. Anyway, we message a lot, he takes a lot of interest in my family/friends, and just things about me/what I'm up to. He often says that we seem quite similar too; almost uncanny how similar we are. We had our first date last week and we both seemed nervous. He said I was the most attractive person there. Used the term 'first date' instead of just hanging out. Ended up sleeping together. Very affectionate and not remotely distant intimate wise, lots of kissing etc. Offered to make me breakfast the next day. Dropped me home. Said he wants to see me again and we could possibly see a movie/picnic. Immediately messaged me after he dropped me home. We then went on our second date last night and did mini golf and I slept back at his and we were our usual, very affectionate and complimentary to each other. This was the second time I briefly said hello to his parents. We've messaged almost every day since and he immediately messages me after our 'dates'. He often sends goodnight messages to me as well. Drops hints about us dating like 'I wouldn't want a guy to do that to a girl I'm dating'. He said he's free this Sunday again and possibly we can go to the beach. Hold each others hands while we drive. Speaks a tiny bit about his ex which ended 6 months ago and claims she's not near my league. Gives me forehead kisses in bed and head rubs. Last night something came up about casual sex and he almost indicated that I was surprised I slept with him on the first date and tiny bit asked if that is something I do often - in a diplomatic way. Something came up about my ex and he said he's glad I'm not with the guy anymore otherwise we wouldn't have met.

However, I noticed and I shouldn’t probably be looking that he followed his ex on Instagram, I think today? He sent me a message a week or so again claiming that he was angry as he found out she may have cheated and called her boring and bad in bed. They owned a house together. When I saw him the other day, he said he caught up with her and everything turned out ok in regards to the house I assume. No change in communication, still lots of texting and photos of what he's up to.

Advice? Is this just strictly casual?

‘ He often says that we seem quite similar too; almost uncanny how similar we are’: red flag.

Badmouthing his ex: red flag.

Talk to him. Find out if you are both on the same page as to what you are wanting from each other. If you just want a fuck buddy make it plain to him.

@lancashirelady do you think it should come from him though if he's interested in something serious? Or should I just simply ask what he's looking for?

So you e only met him 3 times?
Please take it slow! I'm getting some red flags from what you say.

Just slow down. Enjoy it without labelling straight away and see how it goes. You don't know him yet. As much as you think you so, you don't fully know him yet

@sparklefarts can I ask what red flags exactly?

Anyone who says "I don't know what I want" should be avoided like a heavy dose of gonorrhoea. No good will come of this.

@AndItDoesntSeemToMatter that was just on his profile though.

In my opinion you should not be discussing each other’s “ex” and making comparisons it is all about you as a couple.

The red flags?
Well I was wrong and you've only met twice and already

• looks like he could love bomb you.

You're talking about being your usual affectionate selves. You've met twice, you don't have a usual Also, talking about how similar you are etc. you don't know each other properly. Seems like after meeting twice you're leaning towards thinking you've met 'you're perfect match'

• he tried to ask if you usually sleep with people on the first date? That's not his business

• you're already checking up on his Instagram

• he's bad mouthing his ex

If I re read I could probably go on

It's still early days. Do you want it to be more? Your ad said you were looking for casual has that changed since meeting him? Are you worried your enjoying his time too much and protecting yourself? Or are you concerned he's too into you?

He judged you for sleeping with him on the first date and asked you if you do that often, definitely a red flag.

Bad nothing his ex is often a red flag, saying she's not in your league yet he owned a house with her?

You met his parents twice? Does he live with them but bringing you back to theirs?

Go slowly, men can spout lots of rubbish when they're looking to get their leg over.

• bad mouthing

@mrsbitaly definitely agree that it's still early days. I would say that I'm starting to like him. Just unsure how he feels.

@Mermaidwaves he's currently living with them until his house is built I believe as he is going to own it, I think. The way he said the sleeping comment I think was to assess how I feel about casual dating but it did seem slightly judgemental, maybe just the way he said it.

I would have asked him if he slept with women on the first date. I don't really like the sound of this one though.

@freeinsight95
I've come across men who judge you for sleeping with them on the first date, even though they've slept with you too! I hear male colleagues talking about it as well. I think any man who judges you for it is generally bad news.

I think if you're that unsure you need to ask here, then almost certainly your instincts are telling you the answer.

But, FWIW.
What others have already pointed out applies. In spades.

@PollyGray good point. However, I do find I start to do this when I'm starting to like someone. I probably have a few deeper issues that I need to work on. Guess an overall feeling of not feeling good enough for some.

I’d just slow the emotions down
It’s early days for both
And when you start a new relationship it can stir up memories and feelings for exes as you compare
Enjoy the dating , enjoy the sex and don’t jump in too deep
It’s ok to not know what you want

But be strong and wary and if you don’t like anything you don’t need to question it , you don’t like it !

It's early days. I'm not sure I understand your position though. You said on your profile that you want a casual relationship so why are you mythering about whether he wants a serious relationship? It sounds like you're not being very honest about your motivations. It sounds like he has been more honest than you.

From what you've written I don't think there's enough to go on but maybe he's a bit over keen and could potentially be a bit possessive. But ultimately you need to take it slow and use your instincts about his behaviour and motivation. I don't have a problem with mentioning exes briefly but I don't understand why you're monitoring his Instagram. I'd not like a boyfriend to be doing that to me. Not the behaviour of someone who wants a casual relationship.

Based on everything you’ve said, you’ve both gone into this casually. It says as much on both your profiles. So what is it you want? Would he have swiped on someone who said they wanted a relationship.

I also think his comments are weird. Look up love bombing. And why on earth is he comparing you to his ex? Not ok. She was good enough for him to buy a house with and now she’s boring and bad in bed? Has he taken any responsibility or done any self reflection on his role in the relationship ending? It’s never just one parties fault.

Honestly, OP, what about what you want??? If you want, as you said you did, something casual, then keep it that way, surely?

And if this is the amount of minute analysis of his every gesture you do after two casual dates, I’d hate to see you when you’re in a serious relationship!

You’re asking the wrong question — concentrate on what you want.

Just take it slow and keep your emotions in check. Having had a fair amount of experience of OLD and to protect myself I don’t give much away at all emotionally or personal info for some time. I’d be horrified to meet a dates parents after sleeping with him the second time - it seems very odd!

It sounds a bit like it could be live bombing the talking about holding hands In the car and stuff ? Just take it slow and be careful it's too soon to know

You keep saying you like him, but I'm not sure what's to like. Telling you, someone he's met three times, that a woman he bought bricks and mortar with, is shit at sex? Charming. Asking about your sexual behaviour and implying you gave away the goodies too soon? Lovely.

I think he sounds like a dickhead, actually.