Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Has anyone pulled child out of nursery? Not settling well

60 replies

getback2normal · 21/01/2022 09:34

Hi,

Just wanted to know if any parents of Highly Sensitive Children (my boy aged 3.5 years) is not settling or doing too well at nursery. His character and temperament fits that of Highly Sensitive.

I'm really struggling with what to do.

I'm currently looking into homeschooling him? Something I know nothing about.

I want to avoid making negative associations for him with nursery school and allow him to blossom and bloom in his own time.

The current UK school system doesn't provide much for children that are sensitive. The nurseries/ schools I've seen are loud/noisy, aggressive in terms of competing etc.,

Really struggling and need to make a few decisions here.

He has started a new nursery after coming out sad and soiled each time at his old one.

His new one have already commented how sensitive and empathetic he is.

Any parents help with this? Advice greatly appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
getback2normal · 21/01/2022 17:05

I'm not sure about sending him to 2 different nurseries..? But this helps us out massively and I need to return to work in a few months.

Has anyone had experience sending their little one to 2 different nurseries?

OP posts:
Wolf1970 · 21/01/2022 17:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

theqentity · 21/01/2022 17:21

@Wolf1970

Post withdrawn
Respectfully, if our admit yourself that you got it wrong with your DD why would you then counsel somebody not to 'put a label' on their child from a young age. All the available data on this suggests otherwise. Early intervention is key. If your DD had had that 'label' (diagnosis) from a young age she would perhaps have been better supported in her settings.
Original poster
getback2normal · 21/01/2022 17:22

@Wolf1970 why do you regret sending her to a private school?

I'm glad all is well now

OP posts:
Original poster
getback2normal · 21/01/2022 17:23

I also agree early intervention is key with these things.

I feel my son needs more support and I need to know how best to do this!

OP posts:
theqentity · 21/01/2022 17:27

Highly Sensitive children are never 'just' highly sensitive. There's an underlying reason for your child being as they are. Might be neurodiversity, might be medical, might be genetic, who knows? If you've noticed they are unable to cope in two pretty big average settings, and staff have too, I would be asking questions.

I'd ask nursery what he seems to be struggling with.

I'd be looking at how he plays, moves and communicates at home.

PatchworkElmer · 21/01/2022 17:33

I would persevere and look at ways to gently encourage resilience. If you are really concerned, speak to the staff about what he has said- they are so egocentric at this age that they’ll often not give a balanced account of what actually happened. DS came out of school yesterday and said the teacher had told him he didn’t bring a hat to school, even though he said he did, and now it was lost foreverrrrrrrr. I mentioned to her in the morning that he’d got a new one as he’d lost one yesterday- she said she’d shown him the ONLY had left in the cloakroom and asked if it was his, and he’d said no- so she then said he can’t have brought one in that day… the hat abandoned in the cloakroom was his sodding hat 🤦🏻‍♀️

Anyway, based purely on what he said, his teacher was quite abrupt with him yesterday. What actually happened was somewhat different…

Original poster
getback2normal · 21/01/2022 17:36

The older nursery he had been going to he seemed fine and relatively settled until the key nursery manager left.. it seems to have gone down hill and another boy has left too.

I do want to build resilience but wonder why he is having constant accidents at his old nursery all of a sudden and crying saying he wants mummy.

His key worker seems bit useless and disengaged.

They are normal human beings at the end of the day and might not always warm to every kid.

OP posts:
Wolf1970 · 21/01/2022 17:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wolf1970 · 21/01/2022 17:51

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PonyPatter44 · 21/01/2022 17:55

Would you consider a nanny, if your DS is struggling with nursery?

Abracadabra12345 · 21/01/2022 17:57

What happened when he told you the teacher told him to stop crying after his fall? Did you act shocked or worried? Or give him a hug and say never mind, all better now and be quite breezy and upbeat about it? Maybe he was crying to the extent that the teacher decided “tough love” was the better strategy so told him it was now time to stop crying? If he’s highly sensitive, maybe he gets upset very easily so this is a gentle way of not encouraging that.

Just a thought...As another pp said, children of that age are very ego centric so you’ll only get a small part of the story

funder · 21/01/2022 18:05

@getback2normal you know you can send him to school the term after he turns 5 and request a reception start at that time. If he is due to start this September you might want to hold off until next year. You still get your funded childcare hours until they turn 5.

Sunnydays78 · 21/01/2022 18:12

Hello nursery teacher here. How long has your child been at this nursery? And how many hours is he there for on each day?

FinallyMrsE · 21/01/2022 18:17

My daughter started pre-school when she was 2.5y and on the first day they called me to say she was unsettled and crying, I went to collect her, I attempted to take her back around 4 times and stayed with her but she still refused to stay, I pulled her out and she started school nursery at 3.5y and settled wonderfully, the first time she was clearly not ready and when she was it went so much better.

If you don’t need him there then I don’t think I’d leave him, he’ll be much happier and develop his confidence if he knows you are supporting him at his own pace.

NerrSnerr · 21/01/2022 18:25

My 7 year old has always been 'highly sensitive'. She started nursery from age 1 due to both parents needing to work. She had some challenges, especially as she had recurrent UTIs leading to difficulties staying dry. Some nursery staff were better than others but on the whole it was a positive experience.

On paper her school should be an awful fit for her. It's a large school, ofsted requires improvement etc but it's the best thing that has happened to her. The staff are amazing, sensitive, empowering and my sensitive child is now confident and happy. Any struggles we have are dealt with together. I certainly could not have done this alone.

Cuddlemuffin · 21/01/2022 18:31

I would consider a good childminder with only a few children. My eldest is very sensitive and we built her up to 2 mornings a week at nursery in the year before she started at school. She's been fine at school because the teacher is really on it with transitions. You know your child, it's about balance and what works for them without taking away the opportunity to build resilience. No need to keep him in nursery if you genuinely don't feel it's right for him, he may be totally ready for school when it comes to it x

Original poster
getback2normal · 21/01/2022 19:15

He currently goes 3 mornings in one nursery 9-12 and 2 mornings at another 8:15-1

Too much for him I think!

OP posts:
Cuddlemuffin · 21/01/2022 19:40

I think two different nurseries could probably be quite overwhelming. Maybe one nursery and one one childminder would be better if you need the childcare whilst working?

Steelesauce · 21/01/2022 19:41

2 nurseries? No wonder hes not settling.

Emmelina · 21/01/2022 19:46

Two different nurseries, I assume they are both new since Christmas. I can definitely see why he might be struggling, honestly!

Russell19 · 21/01/2022 19:46

@theqentity

'Highly sensitive' children are nearly always children with undiagnosed SEN.
Not true at all. I'm a teacher and sensitive and SEN can be very different.
Russell19 · 21/01/2022 19:47

Why is he going to 2 different nurseries?

Original poster
getback2normal · 21/01/2022 19:50

He's going to 2 because one couldn't offer us many hours - we needed more as hubby works full time and I'm taking on part time work.. it was all a juggle

Also for his social development I was hoping it would be the right thing for him, but I've since seen that's probably not the best idea

I don't think he has SEN.. but I am not a professional and am not sure

OP posts:
Original poster
getback2normal · 21/01/2022 19:51

One nursery he started in October last year and the new one from Jan '22

OP posts: