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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Partners obsession with conspiracy theroies ruining our relationship

50 replies

00k198300 · 19/01/2022 20:20

Hi
Im looking for a little advice iv been with partner 18 years the last couple of years hes been really deep in all this conspiracy theroies about coronavirus,vaccines just everything. He spends all his time on his phone on youtube looking up watching videos he never communicates with me or our children. Me and him can be in the same room for hours and he dosent say a word to me and when he does its always about conspiracy rubbish that i believe nothing in its so hard to live with someone like this i think its become an obsession the relationship feels dead he spends all his time on his phone researching rubbish i feel alone and upset that all this conspiracy has taken over and i mean nothing. Iv told him how i feel about all of it but he just shouts and says im shutting him down. He calls me a sheep and that i need waking up.
What can i do? What should i do?
Hes driving me mad with this i have heart problems and its not doing me any favours.
I have no adult conversation at all only talk to my children.

OP posts:

Cakecakecheese · 19/01/2022 20:25

Have a search on here, there's been a couple of similar threads recently so it might help you to hear from people who have been in a similar position. I think there's support groups online for families of conspiracy theorists so do look into those too.

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/01/2022 20:56

Poor you and your poor kids, too, seeing this dynamic and thinking it must be normal.

You can't IMO reason with a conspiracy theorist once they get to the point where they are unwilling to agree to disagree or to drop the subject. Once they're calling others sheeple etc. I've never known it to turn around and get better and I know that's shit to hear but I think it's important you consider all your options.

Your mental health is just as important as his. Conspiracy theories may make him feel better / more in control of his life etc but his refusal to talk about anything else and his insistence you listen and don't have your own opinion is frankly abusive really, isn't it?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 19/01/2022 20:57

How old are your poor kids that he ignores? Bless them it must feel so shit 😞

deste · 20/01/2022 22:59

My sister is the same. Apparently someone showed a really blurred photo of the Tonga earthquake that had a blurred white mark moving across the screen. According to her it was a bomb. The clear videos on tv mean nothing, just this very blurred image to her is the truth. She speaks a lot of sensible stuff but because she believes all these conspiracy theories I just dismiss everything she says because I can't tell the difference between truth and not the truth.
According to her the booster vaccine is to give us all Covid and reduce the population because there are too many of us in the world. She is highly educated by the way,

PurpleTrilby · 20/01/2022 23:41

Sorry you have this going on. You may benefit from reading the page reddit/qanoncasualties as it has a lot of information on dealing with cult thinking. But you may be best off just getting out of there. I've known conspiracy theorists and I have zero tolerance for them now. I feel especially sorry for their kids. It's not healthy for them to be around. The reddit page gives a lot of insight even if he is not qanon. I fucking hate conspiracy shit.

ESGdance · 20/01/2022 23:51

Does he smoke weed?
Does he work?

Original poster

00k198300 · 21/01/2022 07:13

Yes i feel crap and alone our children are 15,13, and 9

OP posts:

MsMeNz · 21/01/2022 07:18

I'd probably leave tbh. At least you kids are old enough to understand rational thinking and what's going on with him etc. I have a step uncle like this and my aunt is being pulled into that world as well. I aviod them now. They can't even have a normal conversation at a party it's as soon as he introduces himself off he goes. It actually comes across as a mental illness. I just couldn't deal with it. I'm too logically minded.

AD3000 · 21/01/2022 07:22

Is there anything that would prevent you ending the relationship? I realise you've been together a long time but I think it's unlikely he'll change.

Original poster

00k198300 · 21/01/2022 07:24

Thank you all. I will deffently search those pages. Yes he does smoke weed has done before we met 18 yrs ago.hes not working at the moment. Its very very frustrating and hard to live with he follows round the house waving the phone in my face telling me to watch this i havent been able to watch any news for a year as he always got something to say about virus vaccine ect.. its really doing my nut in i always shut him down and he gets angry as he hates it when i do. I feel he needs help as its an obsession and the only thing on his mind. Yes i feel for our children but they have me and i have all the time for them they are my absolute world. The older 2 walk away from him and shut him down too im at the point where i feel like telling him to leave as its really too much does this sound a bit too much? Im just thinking about mine and childrens mental health
Thanks for reading

OP posts:

Original poster

00k198300 · 21/01/2022 07:31

Msmenz
Hes exactly the same everyone he sees he pounces straight on them going on and on its very embarrassing my mum and dad have fell out with over this allso his own parents have im thinking about just walking away but it will be hard

OP posts:

ESGdance · 21/01/2022 07:33

I have seen this up close. I am not surprised he has smoked weed for decades and isn’t working.

You are all in a dysfunctional and abusive relationship with him. He doesn’t communicate, is preoccupied and distracted and is then angry, aggressive and abusive - this will only get worse.

Your DC have seen, heard and felt enough neglect and abuse. They don’t need to absorb and shoulder this as it will likely create chronic MH issues for them - anxiety and depression.

They need you fit and well and engaged as they only have one functional parent - they don’t need you ill, exhausted or distracted.

Focus on the DC. Know that you need to get him out of the house.

What logistical options do you have regarding housing and finances.

I am sorry that you are enduring this but you have taken a positive step to know it is wrong.

PonyPatter44 · 21/01/2022 07:36

He needs to stop smoking weed and get a job. I knew he would be an unemployed stoner before you said anything, all these types are.

The only way I've ever found to deal with them in a way that doesn't give me a mini-stroke is to say, "yeah, and?" Birds aren't real, covid is man-made, Tonga was a bomb.... and? Whats your point? Oh, its all evidence of the global lizard people conspiracy? And?

I've used this against conspiracy nutters before. It drives them up the wall and they do at least shut up.

layladomino · 21/01/2022 07:38

This must be so very hard Op.

I think you should start considering separating. This environment isn't healthy for your children, and it's clearly not good for you. He isn't interested in anything except his conspiracies, which makes him a poor partner and father, and potentially dangerous to have around (if the children listen to anything of what he says).

boobot1 · 21/01/2022 07:39

I would tell him if he doesn't stop you'll leave. Follow through on it.

Bananalanacake · 21/01/2022 07:43

Is he looking for a job. Does he own the house you live in. Can you kick him out.

SwanShaped · 21/01/2022 07:44

Sounds so hard for you that he only talks about that. YouTube has a lot to answer for.

Original poster

00k198300 · 21/01/2022 08:11

Thank you so much for reading and for all your comments means alot and its lovely to actually speak to someone. Were in a housing association and hes on the tenancy so not sure but if i ended the relationship surely i could take him off? Yes youtube is destroying him hes now set up his own page and has loadsof subscribers which is obviously egging him on to keep it going.he is a welder by trade but his last job went into liquidisation. I know this isnt healthy for me or him or my children thats why iv came on here for advoce and iv been given some good so thank you. I know he isnt going to stop and that ists only going to get a whole lot worse our relationship is dead because of all this conspiracy bull.just to let you all know iv told him to give up all this crap for the sake of me and our kids and he said no he cant he knows too much so i knew then when he didnt choose me or kids. Pretty much i
Know how little we mean and that his conspiracy means more i will talk to my mum about finding a way to get him to leave our home thank you all

OP posts:

SwanShaped · 21/01/2022 09:35

I know someone who if deep into this. Thinks the pandemic is to do with Bill Gates and some kind of global elite. I think the complexities of why people get drawn to this is hard to comprehend. Something is going on in our society for so many people to get drawn into this. I don’t know what the answer is or why YouTube seems to be such a driver of it. Feels like a lost generation of people.

Hen2018 · 21/01/2022 10:50

He doesn’t work, smokes weed and talks shite all day.

Why are you still with him?

ESGdance · 21/01/2022 11:03

@Hen2018

He doesn’t work, smokes weed and talks shite all day.

Why are you still with him?

And he is verbally abusive (shouting) and physically threatening - following her around the house waving the phone at her.

Original poster

00k198300 · 21/01/2022 11:17

HEN2018 AND ESGDANCE
iv come on here for some advice not to be criticised. weve been together 18 yrs and its very difficult to just leave but with all these comments and talks with my family iv decided its best to end the relationship and im asking ask him to move out today thank you all for taking time to read and comment

OP posts:

Hen2018 · 21/01/2022 11:36

It wasn’t a criticism. There may have been other/practical reasons why you felt unable to leave.

ESGdance · 21/01/2022 11:53

I am really sorry that you took it as a criticism of you - that was not my intention at all. I understand the stress you are under and how hard it is to deal with. I am glad that you have family to support you and I wish you and your DCs all the very best - you all deserve it.

heldinadream · 21/01/2022 12:04

OP I understand how very, very hard it is to leave but people also, from the outside, get frustrated seeing a mum and children stay with someone who's contributing nothing good to their lives. It certainly looks as though your relationship is dead. Very hard to face.

You need to do something otherwise your children, either now in the case of the older ones or later, any of them, can turn round and blame you for staying with him. They will start to realise how awful he is.

What are your options, have you managed to think about that? Are you asking him to leave today? He's prob gonna kick off so keep the thread going and we can give you support. My guess is everyone here wants the best for you.
Good luck.

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