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Original poster

Odd comment, confused

59 replies

Mummytomygirls · 18/01/2022 12:06

I recently moved in with my boyfriend, been together 2 years. We are both in our 40s. We bought a new bed so yesterday I bought us some new bed covers. He put them on today and put the old ones in the wash, then went in and laid on the bed. I was in the bathroom getting ready for work. He called out and said to me these bedcovers remind me of my ex girlfriend. I said why did you say that!? And he said only joking no need to be in a mood. Now I’m in a mood and he said I’m over reacting. Any thoughts? I feel upset but don’t know if I am over reacting? Why even say that, he was separated 3 years before he met me and has had several girlfriends since his divorce 9 years ago. I feel a bit upset.

OP posts:
KatyAnna · 18/01/2022 20:06

@Mummytomygirls

He does thoughtlessly bring up exes, maybe that’s why it bothered me. Like I will be doing my makeup and he will say oh my ex used to use primer she said it protects the skin. Or your trousers are too long because you are short, you need to look at the petite section, your not the only one though one of my exes found it hard to get the right length. I feel like not a day goes past without a little comment.
You know how you said in your marriage you were not allowed to have feelings? In this relationship it seems like you are not allowed to be an individual. You are always being compared and actually, your autonomy is being undermined. Exhausting.
MostTacticalNameChange · 18/01/2022 20:12

I get exactly how you feel OP - a small comment that just completely takes the wind out of your sails. Some similar examples...served up a full roast (inc carrots), XP praised it then said I must get mum to tell you her secret with cooking carrots...spent ages getting ready for a date; doesn't say anything about my looks just that my hair smells like a fry up (had cooked for the kids)...went to a hotel and he says this isn't as nice as the room i had with ex when we came here. If I had responded to anything like that, it was then ME causing issues and ruining things. No, how about taking a split second to consider how that comment might land before saying it Angry

A PP was right in that it doesn't matter if he or 99% of other people see no problem with the comment, it still bothers you and you shouldn't have to put up with it. If it's a pattern that repeats enough that you both feel resentment - you that he is insensitive and him that he can't banter and talk about his exes as much as he seems to want to, then it won't work Sad

specialsauce · 18/01/2022 20:15

I feel like not a day goes past without a little comment.

I think here lies the problem. He has digs at you. So slight that they seem innocuous, but they all appear to be aimed at undermining your choices, chipping at your confidence. No-one needs to be reminded about their other halfs exes all the sodding time.

You got pee'd off because it isn't a one off - it's constant. You shouldn't be putting up with it. He needs to shape up or ship out. Fast.

Hopefullywaiting01234 · 18/01/2022 20:17

Bit off talking about your ex in just general day to day chat, I don’t know anyone who does this or thinks it’s okay! I am 34 and would find this extremely immature even at 24. Different if there was some real reason to be discussing a past partner!

youvegottenminuteslynn · 18/01/2022 20:18

I feel like not a day goes past without a little comment.

I don't understand why you're living with a bloke like this, let alone when you have daughters also living in the same home. Not exactly a healthy, happy dynamic for them to learn from is it?

Rangoon · 18/01/2022 20:20

A lot of unpleasantness and just being plain mean is justified as banter. My husband makes me laugh sometimes but it's not stuff that is aimed at me or makes me feel bad. I would be having a very long hard look at your dp to make sure he is a good man. I'd tell him that you'd prefer not to hear about his exes on a daily basis. One of the things that made my DH and I get married was that we both felt like we were a team and I hadn't felt like that with other people and nor had he. From your posts I'm not sure you have that.

PurpleThursdays · 18/01/2022 20:46

I don't think k I could put up with him OP. Constant "jokes", talking about exes all the time, being an insensitive prick.... it's a no from me. Sounds like he wants to dent your confidence

Kuachui · 18/01/2022 20:51

wouldnt bother me hearing about exs. thats his past, his history he shouldnt have to block it all out and never mention it. its an odd comment because how does bedding remind you of someone but it would make me eyeroll more than anything

billy1966 · 18/01/2022 20:54

Why on earth have you moved in with him?

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