I need some advice on this (recurrent situation) that typically goes like this- my DM will continually push my boundaries (e.g. I’ve never been comfortable with forced personal contact like cuddles) until I snap then she cries and I feel like a terrible person. To put this into context I am mid 30s and I don’t remember it happening in early childhood but seems to be getting worse as I and she get older.
Today in a family zoom call my DB had a new haircut and he asked what people thought of it. Everyone else said it looked nice, her response was “I don’t like it, I prefer your hair longer”. I brushed this off for DB and said “isn’t it good then that our parents don’t get a say in how we have our hair when we are adults?” as I would’ve felt crap about this and have done when she’s made similar comments to me before about how she prefers my hair.
Then later on we were talking about SILs sister who is 40 weeks pregnant. She has had a really tough time and has had lots of investigations for very large baby and bump, all thankfully normal. I am 33 weeks pregnant and feeling pretty uncomfortable and rubbish about myself. Have cried to DH a fair few times about how uncomfortable and out of control I feel!
DB was saying that the sister is “pretty huge” now she is 40 weeks and my DM chipped in with “like your sister then!”.
My jaw dropped and I said that was really offensive and said that she should think about how her comments make people feel.
Her and my DDad tried to say that it was because I am pregnant and of course I am big, no apology given.
She then disappeared “to the loo” and came back very quiet and had obviously been crying.
Obviously, I feel awful. But this is a very recurrent theme where I bite my tongue until I can no longer, try to explain how I feel and then she cries.
She is very critical of people. I remember as a teenager multiple times trying to hide a huge spot (you know when you feel like you’ve grown a 2nd head) with makeup etc hoping it wasn’t noticeable and always the first thing she would say when I walked into a room was “Is that a SPOT?” And get up in my face to have a good look, when all I wanted was her to act normally and fake that she couldn’t see anything.