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Original poster

how to deal with oh

37 replies

preperri · 15/01/2022 13:40

OH and I each get a monthly allowance for personal spends. I used mine to buy myself winter clothes and shoes. I looked for good deals and didn't spend unreasonable amounts on each item. Obviously it's not something that I should have to justify when my clothes are thin and I have shoes the wrong size. But he's gone off shopping because 'I like spending my money' and he wants to enjoy his as well. I know he'll come back with hundreds of pounds worth of tat. Spending hundreds on tat isn't on par with buying necessary clothes. But before he left he said he's tired of hearing it.

OP posts:
AdamRyan · 15/01/2022 13:43

If its his spending money its his business what he spends it on.
Its only a problem if he buys tat then uses joint money to buy other stuff for himself imo

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2022 13:43

I'm not sure I understand. Is it that you went over your personal allowance?

EmmasMum12 · 15/01/2022 13:45

So he's gone shopping because he thinks you spend too much on clothes and he wants parity???

Scottishskifun · 15/01/2022 13:46

Surely if it's equal amounts then it's up to him what he spends it on?
As long as he doesn't then want more because he has no winter clothes then I don't see the problem......

I mean personally I save but that's my choice just as your choice to spend on clothes!

Orgasmagorical · 15/01/2022 13:50

But before he left he said he's tired of hearing it.

Tired of hearing that you don't approve of what he's spending his allowance on? Tired of hearing that you choose to spend yours on things you need rather than want?

What would you like to happen?

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 15/01/2022 13:56

Op, your post is a bit confusing. You say your clothes are thin and your shoes too tight, but that both you and your dh have hundreds of pounds to spend. (every month?) Is the division of funds unequal? Are you working?

Original poster
preperri · 15/01/2022 13:56

@orgasmogorical No. He's tired of hearing me going on about the fact that what I bought was necessary because he wants me to put up with the cheap clothes he bought me off amazon that don't feel or look good and make me feel like rubbish.

I know it's his money to spend and that it doesn't effect me if he spends his allowance and has nothing left, only him. But he has only gone shopping out of spite because I did, to somehow get even and that has hurt my feelings

OP posts:
Original poster
preperri · 15/01/2022 13:58

I don't work, OH does but the division of funds between us are equal

OP posts:
Orgasmagorical · 15/01/2022 14:00

[quote preperri]@orgasmogorical No. He's tired of hearing me going on about the fact that what I bought was necessary because he wants me to put up with the cheap clothes he bought me off amazon that don't feel or look good and make me feel like rubbish.

I know it's his money to spend and that it doesn't effect me if he spends his allowance and has nothing left, only him. But he has only gone shopping out of spite because I did, to somehow get even and that has hurt my feelings[/quote]
This puts a whole new spin on it.

What's he like with other areas of your life?

AnneLovesGilbert · 15/01/2022 14:02

Why’s it hurt your feelings? He’s being petty but you don’t have to take it personally.

You should each spend your money as you choose. Point scoring is unhelpful and unproductive.

Tell him to stop buying you stuff you don’t want or like, us he using his own spending money to do that?

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2022 14:04

I'm still not getting it.

If these are personal spends, why are either of you getting involved?

Is the money supposed to be for frivolous things, rather than things you need, so you thought it should come out of another budget, Is that it?

Original poster
preperri · 15/01/2022 14:09

@Orgasmagorical That's a really broad question so I'm unable to answer it

@WorraLiberty I ran it by him excitedly, not because I wanted his opinion, but because it's a nice thing I'd got for myself. The money is for personal spends on things we need, so new clothes/shoes, an equal contribution to the pet insurance etc. It doesn't come out of the money for food and bills or kids.

OP posts:
BoatisBoatShirley · 15/01/2022 14:10

Be works, you don’t, and you have equal spending money… fine, great.

But you’re not happy with things that he has bought for you, so have been “going on” about having to spend the money (that presumably he gives you) on things you want; and now you don’t want him to spend his money on things that he may want because you think it might be tat?

Yes you’re being very unreasonable. Stop “going on” about having bought clothes if you don’t want it to be an issue. Don’t police what he spends his budget on if you don’t want him to have any say over your spending.

layladomino · 15/01/2022 14:10

If you give yourselves 'spending money' of an equal amount each month, then it's none of the others' business how you spend it. That's the whole point - it's yours to spend how you wish.

So why was he offended that you bought yourself clothes?
And why are you angry that he's buying clothes? Surely he can spend his money on what he wants?

Original poster
preperri · 15/01/2022 14:13

I don't police what he buys, I'm just saying he's being hypocritical and spiteful

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/01/2022 14:20

@preperri

I don't police what he buys, I'm just saying he's being hypocritical and spiteful
He's spending his own money on what he wants, just as you spent yours on what you wanted Confused
Azandme · 15/01/2022 14:28

So he bought you clothes NOT out of your personal spends even though you say that is what your personal spends (so they were an additional gift), and you didn't like them, so you used your personal spends to buy more, and then showed them off in front of him?

Seems like you were being petty to me - these are better than the thin stuff you bought me!

I can see why he'd get the hump and go off spending his personal spends. You basically just told him the things he bought you weren't good enough!

And no, you don't get to comment on what he buys with his personal spends - they're called PERSONAL for a reason, what he buys is up to him.

HollowTalk · 15/01/2022 14:32

Why is he getting you cheap clothes? Is he buying you them for Christmas and birthdays? If so could you make a wish list at the shops you prefer?

mugglenutmeg · 15/01/2022 14:40

Let me understand?

You don't bring in an income but DH does, his income is shared equally between you as family money.

Your DH has bought you clothes, you feel they are poor quality and have therefore bought your own clothes out if your allocated spending money.

DH has not gone out to do the same with his own allocated spending money.

You are convinced he will return with unnecessary clothing and tat and this is annoying you.

Do I have that all right?

frozendaisy · 15/01/2022 14:40

If he is being spiteful just don't rise to the bait.

Honestly if petty folk don't get a reaction from going out, going shopping, spending money, dragging it home, annoying spouse, if all they get is a "oh lovely, where did you get this?". "that will be good for summer" etc

The petty behaviour will stop because it's no fun being a petty arsehole for no reaction.

Even if you want to scream at him inside.

Rise above it.
Go for a bath just after he gets home and gas shown you all his wonderful purchases.

WorraLiberty · 15/01/2022 14:43

What did he buy you the clothes for OP? Christmas? Birthday? Just because?

Did he buy them out of his own spends?

This thread is making me feel thick because there's so much I just don't get Blush

Diggersaursarethebest · 15/01/2022 14:43

Just tell him you are fussy about clothes and you prefer to choose your own. And stop justifying spending your money on clothes. It’s your money you can spend it on whatever you like. Ignore whatever tat he comes home with. Not your spending money, not your problem.

NoSquirrels · 15/01/2022 14:47

Either you’re trying to control his personal spending, or he’s trying to control what you buy. It’s a bit unclear!

Personal spending usually means just that. Personal.
If you want good boots and a coat, and he wants cheap boots and a truckload of Amazon tat, that’s fine.

Why are your feelings hurt by him buying ‘unnecessary tat’?

girlmom21 · 15/01/2022 14:50

@preperri

I don't police what he buys, I'm just saying he's being hypocritical and spiteful
Why don't you both stop caring what the other spends their money on then?

I don't see how he can spend his own money out of spite. Why does it have any impact on you?

MeSanniesareBrannies · 15/01/2022 14:53

This post makes zero sense.