Can a marriage between an asexual man and hereosexual woman work

[roundroundroundinmyhead]

When the woman is quite a sexual person but tolerated the partner' a sexuality , in your experience?

Only if there was an agreement between them on how that would look. Would it be an open arrangement where the woman is free to seek sexual partners elsewhere? What about children etc.

why bother?

No to open relationship. Sex probably three or four times per year.

Because they love each other

Nope

A relationship without sex is more of a friendship. I don't think someone with a high or even average sex drive would want to live a lifetime without sex and intimacy

No not without great pain.
The asexual man is expecting near celibacy from his partner?
Maybe youd be better as good friends

I think it could work, yes. The question of how likely it is to work is harder to judge and would be based on the individuals involved.

Yes, as long as the heterosexual person doesn't have a huge sex drive.

In my experience as long as your sex drives are compatible, it doesn't matter how often you're actually having it - as long as both parties are happy with what's going on.

But don't settle if it's not what you really want.

The asexual person is never going to be happy as the few times a year they have sex they'll be doing it out of obligation.

The other person will experience frustration which may make them unhappy too.

No, I don't think it can work (if you mean as a 'couple').

The asexual person shouldn't have to force themselves to have sex they don't want. And the other person surely wouldn't want to have sex with someone who is doing it out of obligation. That's just wrong.

And the hetero person would be kidding themselves if they thought they'd be happy going through life celibate and - importantly - not physically wanted.

I know things happin in relationships that mean sex becomes less often or not at all (due to an illness or disability) but the relationship started from a position of being sexually attracted to the other and circumstances mean that isn't possible. I think it would be very different to go through life knowing the other person doesn't fancy you or want you (at least most of the time).

If the hetero person was happy with that arrangement then it could work, but I think the chances of it being a longtime happy relationship are slim.

The hetero person would be giving up a huge amount for the other and I don't think an asexual person would ask that of someone they loved.

Really, no. Both my marriages failed because I'm an asexual woman.

@Shehasadiamondinthesky

Really, no. Both my marriages failed because I'm an asexual woman.

I’m just curious - did you know you were asexual when you married both people and did they know? Or was it a realisation you came to later?

@roundroundroundinmyhead

No to open relationship. Sex probably three or four times per year.

It seeks oretty unfair to be sexually possessive and expect monogamy when someone has no interest in a healthy sex love. Essentially they are asking you to give up your sexual needs for them or lose them altogether. I don’t see that as loving I see it as selfish.

Can’t see how it would.

It seeks oretty unfair to be sexually possessive and expect monogamy when someone has no interest in a healthy sex love.

Maybe they both want monogamy? Surely it's only possessive if the asexual person is forcing their partner to be with them against their will?

Essentially they are asking you to give up your sexual needs for them or lose them altogether. I don’t see that as loving I see it as selfish.

That's a bit simplistic. Nobody has to stay in a relationship they're not happy in - it's not remotely controlling to say "these are my sexual boundaries - take them or leave them", surely?

If both are happy with the arrangement, yes. If one is going to feel deprived, or having sex out of obligation, then that will build resentment I'd imagine.

I just don’t know how you could be ‘quite a sexual person’ and simultaneously ‘tolerate’ a partners asexuality.

If you want and desire sex as part of a healthy, committed relationship then you can’t be with someone who doesn’t want sex as part of the relationship. Sex ‘3 or 4 times a year’ - once a quarter! - is a really clinical arrangement.

You can love someone very deeply but that doesn’t mean it would be a good idea to marry if you’re fundamentally incompatible on this aspect.

If you’re not that bothered about sex either then sure, of course. But it rarely turns out that way.

I’m not going to read responses, because I don’t want to get my feelings hurt.

But if it doesn’t workout and you actually do know an asexual person, could you send him my way?
Please?

Why do allo’s (non-ace’s) find ace’s in the wild?
So unfair.

I don't understand why the sexual partner would want to be in a 'romantic relationship' with an asexual partner. Why not have them as a best friend so the partner who is interested in a sexual relationship can have their needs met.

@SarahBellam

I don't understand why the sexual partner would want to be in a 'romantic relationship' with an asexual partner. Why not have them as a best friend so the partner who is interested in a sexual relationship can have their needs met.

Maybe they don't have a high sex drive? Maybe they'd rather go without sex in order to keep the romantic relationship going with the person they love?

Not everyone cares about having regular sex, even if they're not technically asexual. Some people would be more than happy with sex a few times a year if the rest of the relationship was excellent and they could "please themselves" the rest of the time.

Yes, I think it can provided there is good communication, honesty and genuine acceptance.

Don't ever marry someone who has completely different sexual desires to you. That's a recipie for pain and suffering.

Also, if he is aesexual but sleeping with you 4 times per year... Is he asexual but sex-neutral then? (Meaning he isn't repulsed by sex but nor does he enjoy the act. But he likes seeing your pleasure, so he does it). Or is he sex positive? (He enjoys the act even though he doesn't feel sexual desire).

At least if he enjoys the act then you know he isn't just doing it to keep you happy. So it's less likely to stop entirely. But still op...its not a good idea.

Its not ideal. But many many people live like this. Many others have regular sex but would trade it in a heatbeat for a partner who they loved and was decent. Everyone is different and i suppose it depends on your alternatives. Do you have another option of a loving relationship with sex? Or would you be trading your current situation on a gamble you would find one? Realistically, how easy would that be for you? How enthusiastic would you be about starting over? Would you regret leaving this relationship if you ended up long term single (when regular sex presents a whole other range of challenges)? I don't think anyone can tell you if this will work for you OP, as only you can decide.

@roundroundroundinmyhead

No to open relationship. Sex probably three or four times per year.

No to open relationship? Absolutely not going to work. Why even get married? This is a close friendship.