Can a marriage between an asexual man and hereosexual woman work

[roundroundroundinmyhead]

When the woman is quite a sexual person but tolerated the partner' a sexuality , in your experience?

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

"Maybe they don't have a high sex drive?
Maybe they'd rather go without sex in order to keep the romantic relationship going with the person they love?

Not everyone cares about having regular sex, even if they're not technically asexual. Some people would be more than happy with sex a few times a year if the rest of the relationship was excellent and they could "please themselves" the rest of the time."

The OP says that the woman is quite a sexual person. I'm not sure why someone with no desire to have sex would seek an exclusive romantic relationship with someone who does. It's just selfish.

Nope, will not work.

The OP says that the woman is quite a sexual person. I'm not sure why someone with no desire to have sex would seek an exclusive romantic relationship with someone who does. It's just selfish.

Surely it's equally selfish for the sexual person to marry someone who they know can never fulfil them?

@fairylightsandwaxmelts It didn't seem that way to me because the compromises seem to be all on the person who has sexual desire and is effectively expected to live a life of celibacy. If an open relationship has been ruled out, I doubt that the woman (who is quite sexual) would have requested that - because she already knows that's guaranteed from her partner's side since he has no sexual impulse. I think the main point is that it's unlikely to be a happy or fullfilling relationship.

I can't imagine actually choosing this setup, no. Why say you love someone and then tie each other into an incompatible situation from the beginning? Plenty of good marriages collapse when this sort of situation arises later on.

@PermanentTemporary

I can't imagine actually choosing this setup, no. Why say you love someone and then tie each other into an incompatible situation from the beginning? Plenty of good marriages collapse when this sort of situation arises later on.

Because being asexual doesn’t mean you don’t want children or romantic love or companionship. Most people want a special person there for them even if they don’t want sex.

Wouldn't work for me

[quote dontsaythj]@fairylightsandwaxmelts It didn't seem that way to me because the compromises seem to be all on the person who has sexual desire and is effectively expected to live a life of celibacy. If an open relationship has been ruled out, I doubt that the woman (who is quite sexual) would have requested that - because she already knows that's guaranteed from her partner's side since he has no sexual impulse. I think the main point is that it's unlikely to be a happy or fullfilling relationship.[/quote]
But they're choosing that life (of minimal sex) just as the asexual person is choosing a relationship with someone they know has sexual desires.

TBH I suspect there are many people out there that prioritise other aspects of their relationships over regular sex. You can be sexual but not all that bothered about regular activity/intercourse as long as you can fulfil yourself in other ways.

Sounds like the slow death of the soul to me. It wouldn't work for me, at all. I can only speak for myself, but I can't really see it working for anyone who is quite a sexual person. Not to be wanted by the person you love and want kills you inside, drop by drip.

The woman involved would be making a massive mistake in marrying this man. Loving someone isn't enough to keep a marriage strong and happy.

@fairylightsandwaxmelts

There's a big difference between it not being a priority, and it being basically non-existent.

The asexual is choosing a life with a person who desires sex, she won't get it from him, and he selfishly doesn't want her to get it elsewhere either.

I'm sorry but I still wouldn't deliberately choose a setup that I think would not include something absolutely central to my wellbeing.

Do asexual people generally still like kisses and cuddles? What about romance? Do they still find people attractive? If not sexually then what sort if feelings of attraction do they have? I realise there won't be a single answer due all asexual people but I'm wanting a generalisation if possible. I'm genuinely interested as j don't know much about asexuality

[quote dontsaythj]@fairylightsandwaxmelts

There's a big difference between it not being a priority, and it being basically non-existent.

The asexual is choosing a life with a person who desires sex, she won't get it from him, and he selfishly doesn't want her to get it elsewhere either.[/quote]
Where does it say that monogamy was solely his decision? it could easily have been something both partners agree on.

Anyway as I said, many "sexual" people aren't all that fussed by sex and are quite happy to take it or leave it as long as the rest of the relationship is fulfilling.

@headunderthewater

I’m not going to read responses, because I don’t want to get my feelings hurt.

But if it doesn’t workout and you actually do know an asexual person, could you send him my way?
Please?

Why do allo’s (non-ace’s) find ace’s in the wild?
So unfair.

@headunderthewater are there not specific dating sites for this?

I'd suggest it HAS been working surely, given they're married?

How long were they together before marrying? Was thr asexuality an issue then?

It definitely wouldn't work for me

No. It's a sad, painful horrible truth to discover, but love isn't always enough.

I would say this is entirely up to the individuals involved. They need to think it works for them.
In my experience, people telling you that your marriage is not a proper marriage or won’t work sets in the doubts.