I'm so sad. I know he's up to no good.

[TheOnlyOneThat]

As above, basically.

We're not married but im 25 weeks pregnant with our first baby. We literally moved into our dream house (which we both jointly own) 3 days ago.

We've been together 6 years and around a year in, I caught him on a hook up website.

Anyway, since we stopped TTC (as we fell pregnant obviously) sex has dropped completely. I know he's masturbatinf constantly because of his disgusting stains. I asked him last month and he denied, denied, denied and then I said I knew he was lying. He admitted it and said it's porn.

It's not porn, for someone who has always had a low sex drive to suddenly start constantly wanking it's more than that. I know it's something else. My gut instinct is telling me it's something else and his phone never leaves his pocket.

We've just bought a house, we have a baby on the way and all my savings have gone into the house. I need proof but won't find it, he's very secretive and clever and everything is Face ID protected.

What the actual fuck do I do.

We had sex once when I was pregnant, very early on long before I was showing. We then had a scare in the first trimester where we were scared I may miscarry so even though we were subsequently told it would be fine if we had sex psychologically we just could not relax enough into it with the fear of what may happen. We still fancied each other and still wanted each other it was just a mental block I suppose?

I'm sure DP took care of himself during those times and there's a good chance porn was involved.

The point is that while our sex life stalled, it was normal and it was temporary and when it did get back on track again it was better than ever.

So it may not be that he isn't attracted to you . It may simply be that he thinks you are far more fragile in a pregnant state than you actually are and just can't bring himself to risk it but still fancies you like mad.

However, at the very least, he should be laundering his own damn pants if he leaves a mess.

Masturbation isn't disgusting but leaving me to pick up, sort through and wash his cum-filled black boxer shorts, then yes, it's vile

Why is he leaving them for you to pick up?
& why, in the name of all that's holy, are you actually doing so?

It’s possibly to have a ‘low sex drive’ with one partner and a high sex drive with another. Something has changed for him, weather he is having an affair or using online providers. If it was just porn he wouldn’t be so secretive with his phone.
But hang on- stained underwear?! Are you sure he doesn’t have an std?

@SecondClassmyass

It’s possibly to have a ‘low sex drive’ with one partner and a high sex drive with another. Something has changed for him, weather he is having an affair or using online providers. If it was just porn he wouldn’t be so secretive with his phone. But hang on- stained underwear?! Are you sure he doesn’t have an std?

He might be hiding porn as it sounds like he was denying it in response to OPs accusations of him wanking to porn over sex with her.

If they're arguing about his porn use, why wouldn't he hide it?

You challenged him re the boxers, etc., but did you confront him about his return to secretiveness and breaking his agreement to provide open access to his phone and passwords?

He has withdrawn transparency because he is cheating again. You gave him a second chance and he is throwing it back in your face.

He’s a shit Partner and a shit Father. Here you are pregnant and he doesn’t care if you feel unsettled. He doesn’t care about his previous promises. You stayed with him before and he is confident that you are not going anywhere now.

Forget the wanking & the previous hook up site for a minute. Forget the house, baby, money.

The red flag here is that his phone never leaves his side & is mission impossible to access.

Utter nonsense. In a healthy relationship the phone access isn't an issue.

It's all the other things that make it an issue.

@Badromancer

But this doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.

And it is not healthy or normal for his phone to be glued to him 24/7. It’s suspicious especially given his previous behaviour

But you said the red flag is the phone behaviour. It's not. The red flag is him. All of the history is major red flags.

‘Why would he do it again ?!’
….well, he showed you who he was 1 year in, so…. Good luck with that, it all sounds awful. Hope you find a way to protect yourself financially.

Not to play down what you’re going through but why might he just not be wanking?

Wanking us absolutely fine. If you're bothered about the residue , tell him to wash his own underwear but shaming him about it is fucking wrong.

He's not obliged to have sex with you, nor you him. If he's not feeling it right now so be it.

You should have ditched him a year in but you didn't so now you're here. If you think he's a cheat or you want to have sex and he no longer does, leave the relationship. You have zero proof of him cheating on you now and you chose to stay with him. If that was a wrong decision for you, put it right. Leave him.

In short I would say if you don’t trust him it is basically over you need to get things sorted one way or the other
I think possibly a way to find out what he has been up to is don’t say anything for a week or so then pick up his phone and demand he unlock it there and then and give it to you
Obviously demand he unlocks any apps on the phone
I did similar years back but made the mistake of asking my wife to hand me the phone before she did she pulled out the sim and broke it in half this was in the days before smart phones - we are no longer married
He may of course have cleared historical chats pics etc hard to know
The changing of passwords and level of secrecy would bother me
The wanking and not wanting sex with you is a horrible thing to be doing along with letting you clear up the mess !!!

He’s always going to do this. Even when he’s 60 he’ll be looking out for other opportunities. It means nothing to this sort of man that they have a woman who loves them at home.

He thinks your too far in now with a baby on the way and a house and an engagement so he can do what he likes and you won’t leave.