Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Opinions on dating app profile appreciated

45 replies

Tr1ggsy · 12/01/2022 12:23

Hi!

I often look on here but have never posted mainly because you fantastic lot usually have the answer and searching sorts out what I'm looking for!

I don't know if this is ok or not, basically I'm newly single (well 8months single at the time of writing) and as I was with my ex for nearly 15 years dating apps blow my mind but it seems to be the only way to meet people now a days.

To be clear... I'm NOT looking for a quick jump, just to chat etc. I'm looking for a genuine relationship. As such I'm putting a lot of effort into my photos, the bio, prompt questions etc as possible. One thing that is bothering me is mentioning kids... I have them obviously (7&3) or I wouldn't be on this site, but does it bother people they are on there? To me they are the biggest and most important part of my life, and if I view profiles I don't care about kids in photos, mentions of kids etc, in fact I will sway towards mum's because they know what's involved.

So my questions are:

Do I have photos of me with my kids?
I have a mix of clear face photos, photos with kids blurred out and photos of me doing hobbies.

Do I heavily mention my kids in the bio? Currently is says I have 2 boys, and a line about what we like to do. Should I just say I have 2 boys (7&3) or a bit about what we do?

Is there an app people prefer?
I'm on Tinder and Bumble, tried POF but I got hounded by weirdos so left!

My gut says include them, it's what I've done already and I like my profile, but I've seen a few profiles with mentions they hate seeing kids in pics or being mentioned (obviously they probably aren't for me) and some women I know have also said this IRL so I thought I'd reach out to a broad spectrum and see what the world thinks on this subject.

Don't know if it matters but I'm 36 and in the UK so happy to listen to anyone from around the world as I guess dating is universal? 🤷‍♂️

Thanks in advance

OP posts:
Myturnatlast · 12/01/2022 12:42

Include the fact that you have kids, and their ages, but I wouldn't include photos at this stage. Your prospective partners don't need to know what they look like and as you say, there's some real weirdos out there... Sad

bongobingo43 · 12/01/2022 12:49

@Myturnatlast

Include the fact that you have kids, and their ages, but I wouldn't include photos at this stage. Your prospective partners don't need to know what they look like and as you say, there's some real weirdos out there... Sad
Agree, mention you have kids but no photos (or photos with faces blurred out)

Fwiw - as a single mum, I prefer to date men with their own children so it can sometimes be seen as a positive

Original poster
Tr1ggsy · 12/01/2022 13:14

Thanks for your replies, the main reason for having the kids on there is I'm bad for taking/being in photos as I just enjoy what I'm doing at the time! The photos I have on there are basically the only ones I have that aren't poor quality or really old. My plan is to start thinking about photos and try to get some good ones but for now ones with my boys are all I have. I have blurred faces because I'm really not comfortable with showing them.

OP posts:
Milomonster · 12/01/2022 13:20

I really dislike seeing pics of other people’s kids. Im not interested in them (at the stage of matching) and it’s awful posting them without their consent. I am happy for people to disclose their kids upfront; I don’t mind if they haven’t mentioned them in their bio but most men mention it whilst messaging.

SunsetsAndLollypops · 12/01/2022 13:25

I’d mention you have kids in your bio, maybe that you have 2 but personally nothing more. I’m 35 with 2 kids and in my experience on these apps ive found without mentioning my children I’ve often wasted a bit of time with the subsequent matches, then informing I have children then the man saying this isn’t something he’s looking for, which is absolutely fair enough. Now my profiles simply say I have 2 kids and anyone who matches with me will know this (or at least the ones who bother to read it)! Personally wouldn’t have pictures of your children as there are far too many weirdos out there. Good luck

Fatherliamdeliverance · 12/01/2022 13:38

Definitely mention you have 2 kids, no other detail really needed and I wouldn't put photos of the kids on. Not needed and for me, it shows quite poor boundaries when people identify their children on a dating app.

You could maybe give a rough age, as some people might be open to children but not want to do the baby years etc. Good luck with it!

Eustonhalf · 12/01/2022 13:42

I wouldn't be put off.

Sidge · 12/01/2022 13:53

I used OLD for a while. I was put off by men who had pictures of their children, whether their faces were disguised/blurred/covered or not.

I was happy enough to read they had kids - especially if they included their ages as I didn't want to date anyone with young children - but I didn't want to see them in their profile.

My male friend is still on Tinder and Bumble and he says he dislikes pics of kids on there too so I don't think I'm the only one!

Sexnotgender · 12/01/2022 13:55

Please don’t put photos of your children on a dating app.

Livandme · 12/01/2022 14:04

Not appropriate to put pics of your children on. Just blur their faces of even better pics without children.
Mention them in bio, but no further details. If people are that bothered they either won't swipe or will ask early on

Notwithittoday · 12/01/2022 14:13

Basically you keep it fairly short, happy and busy sounding. You can mention kids in passing. Try to also give them something that might lead to date conversation.
So something like..
Hi I’m a northern girl living in London. I love sushi and live music. My work in X, my friends and my two children keep me nice and busy. If you have a good sense of humour and like my profile, drop me a message!
Your photos should be one clear face shot, and a couple of full length looking your best. Avoid pictures with lots of friends, bikini shots, lying on bed shots, anything pouty or too much cleavage. No photos of kids

Danceswithwhippets · 12/01/2022 14:16

@Sidge

I used OLD for a while. I was put off by men who had pictures of their children, whether their faces were disguised/blurred/covered or not.

I was happy enough to read they had kids - especially if they included their ages as I didn't want to date anyone with young children - but I didn't want to see them in their profile.

My male friend is still on Tinder and Bumble and he says he dislikes pics of kids on there too so I don't think I'm the only one!

As a man with children of my own who has OLD a lot in the past I'd agree with this. I don't think it's fair to include your children in photos, even with faces blurred, they haven't/can't agree. And there is always the (slight) risk of pervy men. Both having children though is something in common, it's a shared experience. I saw mentions of children as a plus, in fact if I was in touch with a woman who hadn't mentioned it I would suspect there was a reason eg a bad relationship. You should definitely mention them in your profile. Good luck with dating. Just be aware you will have to persevere, and kiss a lot of frogs (or not).
Original poster
Tr1ggsy · 12/01/2022 14:21

Maybe I should have mentioned it but I'm a guy 😂. All photos are blurred out with them, there are 5 photos of me on there, 2 decent head and upper torso shots, but I don't have any other photos of me without my boys. So I thought I would use them just for now. The general consensus seems to be remove the photos of the boys 🤔

OP posts:
Milomonster · 12/01/2022 14:47

Yes remove. I prefer men with kids but posting them on a dating site full of weirdos just doesn’t seem right or fair. Unfortunately, I came across a psycho and am so glad my child’s pic was not online.

I only have two pics of myself, and so don’t worry about quantity.

I recently came across a most creepy/odd profile where the bloke had written the bio on “behalf” of him and his kids, e.g. we and my dad come as a package, we enjoy this, that the other. It was most bizarre.

Be very prudent with your info online (speaking from bitter experience).

Best of luck!

furbabymama87 · 12/01/2022 15:00

Mention the kids but don't write anything about them in your bio and definitely do not include photos of them. I wasn't interested in looking at pictures of other peoples' kids on their profile and if we would start chatting on Whatsapp immediately being sent pictures of them. You're not advertising the kids for a new stepdad. Yes, eventually it could come to that but that would be a gradual thing.

PicaK · 12/01/2022 16:02

Lose the kid photos. Mention they exist, without sounding like you're looking for a step mum to save you the hassle of parenting. Also mention how often you have them 50/50 or 4/14 etc.

I say

Have 2 cute cats and 2 kids (quite like them too).

Sidge · 12/01/2022 16:29

@Tr1ggsy yhes I would remove the pics of you with your boys - even just having two decent head and shoulder pics is better.

Avoid any pics of you in a group (which one is you?!), you holding a fish, you in skiing gear/cycling gear/motorbike gear wearing a visor or sunglasses so we can't see your face, you lying in bed pouting suggestively, you all gussied up looking just fine but in a public toilet with a urinal behind you... Wink

All of those were Swipe Lefts for me Grin

bongobingo43 · 12/01/2022 16:30

[quote Sidge]@Tr1ggsy yhes I would remove the pics of you with your boys - even just having two decent head and shoulder pics is better.

Avoid any pics of you in a group (which one is you?!), you holding a fish, you in skiing gear/cycling gear/motorbike gear wearing a visor or sunglasses so we can't see your face, you lying in bed pouting suggestively, you all gussied up looking just fine but in a public toilet with a urinal behind you... Wink

All of those were Swipe Lefts for me Grin[/quote]
😂😂😂 a list of my personal pet hates right there 😂

youvegottenminuteslynn · 12/01/2022 16:43

[quote Sidge]@Tr1ggsy yhes I would remove the pics of you with your boys - even just having two decent head and shoulder pics is better.

Avoid any pics of you in a group (which one is you?!), you holding a fish, you in skiing gear/cycling gear/motorbike gear wearing a visor or sunglasses so we can't see your face, you lying in bed pouting suggestively, you all gussied up looking just fine but in a public toilet with a urinal behind you... Wink

All of those were Swipe Lefts for me Grin[/quote]
Or posing with a poor drugged up tiger with a chain on, on holiday somewhere. Couldn't believe how many of those there were on there as if they were proud of it!

Original poster
Tr1ggsy · 12/01/2022 16:47

All photos removed except one where they are way off in the background and could be anyone's as it's a good photo of me. I do have one of me in my snowboard gear but it's a decent one so I've kept that up as snowboarding/skiing is a must have for any match. I've also updated my bio to have the line:

I have 2 boys (7 & 3) who I have 50:50.

Thank you everyone! I knew you wouldn't let me down, much appreciated now wish me luck! Last time I dated was 15 years ago hahaha.

OP posts:
Ancientdreams · 12/01/2022 16:48

You can crop the photos so they just show you?

HaggisBurger · 12/01/2022 16:55

Right approach. Couldn’t bear seeing pics of men with their kids. Putting ages and amt of time you have them is great. And never say they are “your world”. Dear God. I adore my kids but I’d never say that. Good luck! Enjoy the journey. I viewed it as meeting nice people whether or not we were a match.
I met my chap on Tinder but actually rate Hinge much more. Get a mate to take some decent photos. So many men’s are dire. Don’t worry about snow boarding one. I liked to know that guys were active / had a passport.

Original poster
Tr1ggsy · 12/01/2022 16:55

@Ancientdreams I tried that earlier and it ruins the photo. I'm heading out on a hike at the weekend with a decent camera so will try to get some good ones while I'm out. No adventurer posing while looking into the wilderness 🤦‍♂️ just a nice, clear photo of me with an interesting background.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tr1ggsy · 12/01/2022 16:59

@HaggisBurger amazing name 😂 yeah I like photos that too. Unfortunately I don't have many friends nearby as I recently moved but I have a timer, strangers always help as walkers are always nice people! so fingers crossed I'll get something good.

OP posts:
inmyslippers · 12/01/2022 17:00

I don't mention I have kids in my profile to try and minimise weirdos. However, I do mention fairly soon that I have kids when chatting to someone