Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is a red flag isn't it? Constantly criticising my driving

52 replies

hoomans · 11/01/2022 23:02

I've been seeing this man for around two months however it's really starting to get to me that he keeps on criticising my driving every time we go out. He has a licence but no car atm. He keeps saying I drive too slow, he doesn't like how I drive, he doesn't feel safe in the car with me, I drive too 'stiff', I've ended up snapping well just don't get in the fucking car with me anymore then and drive yourself. To my knowledge there is nothing wrong with my driving, no one else has ever commented on it, never had a speeding fine or a red flight ticket. I have driven all over the country to Cornwall, the Lake District, London and I actually like driving. It's knocking my confidence and I feel like binning him off over it, I'm not overreacting am I ?

OP posts:
THisbackwithavengeance · 12/01/2022 07:44

@Derelicthome

He wants to drive your car and thinks if he undermines your confidence enough you will give in and let him.
Exactly this. The man wants a free car.
Bellex · 12/01/2022 07:48

I was seeing someone that did the same thing, he had a car however could really afford to drive it.

He would constantly knock me and then mock me infront of our friends whilst also playing he had confidence issues. I would see this as the red flag you need and get rid.

CloseYourEyesAndSee · 12/01/2022 07:51

@2DogsOnMySofa

If he's great in all other areas I'm not sure it's a bin-able offence, but it's also a sign that he's a selfish, rude and entitled twat too - which is a bin-able offence.

You're spending your time driving, using you car and petrol, plus acting as an unpaid taxi, the least he could do is be appreciative

How can someone be great in all other areas whilst also being a critical, undermining twat?
DisforDarkChocolate · 12/01/2022 07:53

The only thing wrong with my husband is that he's a poor passenger. If he was this bad I wouldn't let him in the car with me. I'd also we worried that when he eventually drove me he'd be one of those twats who undertake, can't stand being overtaken and have to always be accelerating or braking.

Skeumorph · 12/01/2022 08:22

Yes dump. Make sure you remark that it would never have worked anyway, as you didn’t like how he was so nervous in and around cars and allowed that fear to come out as criticism of you 🙂

SportsMother · 12/01/2022 08:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MzHz · 12/01/2022 08:39

I was dating in my late 40s, so not some hot young thing with her pick of anyone but in the end I was very decisive and clinical about what I’d put up with.

Sure everyone deserves to make mistakes and recover, but more than once? No.

This guy hasn’t even got a car so isn’t a driver! Who the fuck does he think he is?

If he’s like this now, imagine what he’s going to be like when he gets comfortable

Bin him.

Zero tolerance for this kind of bullshit and don’t ever settle for anything less than the best. You’re lovely and you deserve it.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 14/01/2022 07:05

Mrs HR does it to me.
It's annoying, I just tell her to be quiet or I'll stop and she can get out.

Foolsrule · 14/01/2022 07:25

Who’s he to moan? He doesn’t even have a car. How unattractive!

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 14/01/2022 07:29

I hadn’t driven mine for 15 years until recently. Now he can’t drive for health reasons he’s as hobby as ever 🤬😡 so I have said either you shut up or you walk.
What is it with these men? He admits he’s not like it when being driven by his sister, BIL or dd!

YanTanTetheraPetheraPimp · 14/01/2022 07:30

Gobby you blasted phone 🙄

Muckymaisonette · 14/01/2022 07:34

I had an ex that only wore a seatbelt when I drove “because of mucky’s driving”, then the Police stopped him when he was driving his car, sans seatbelt and he got fined, ha!

My DH’s latest one is that I change gear a tad too early and it’s going to damage the engine long term. Acutually a little arrow appears on the dash screen telling you when you can change gear, but he’s having none of it.

I think it’s yet another way that a man puts one down, drip drip drip.

freeandfierce · 14/01/2022 07:39

My exh used to do this, turned me from a confident driver into a nervous wreck. He'd tell me which space to park in at a car park then make me wait until he had checked I had parked 100% central in the space before I could turn off the engine. If I hadn't he would go mad then I'd get silent treatment. That and many other reasons are why he is my ex. Control.

Velvian · 14/01/2022 07:40

Yes definitely a sackable offence. Tell him to move to Saudi Arabia, he'd like it there.

SmallElephant · 14/01/2022 07:41

If you want to give him ONE chance you could state clearly that you're sick and tired of him criticising your driving and next time he does it he can get out and walk. And follow up.

TeapotCollection · 14/01/2022 07:41

Agree with others who have said he wants to drive. Then it’ll be “can I just borrow”

Bin him OP

Heatherjayne1972 · 14/01/2022 07:51

Criticism of anything is a red flag
I’d bin him and move on. I’m sure you drive beautifully Op-

I ditched a guy once because he criticised everything -from the food I feed my cats to the compost bin. How I bring up my kids to my driving !! And everything else in between

Omicrone · 14/01/2022 07:52

@WhatTheWhoTheWhatThe

God I’d bin him off for that. In fact I dumped a guy once after a first date for talking me through the gears whilst driving “Into second, now third…….” The whole journey I wanted to lamp him!
This made me laugh - what a way to make a woman's fanny close up like a clam!

Why are some blokes so fucking clueless?

PatriotCanes · 14/01/2022 08:02

I always criticise DH's driving because he didn't learn until he was nearly 40 and somehow combines driving like a nervous learner driver with driving like a blind idiot. He also insists on moving his mirrors and seat every time he gets in the car, even when 1. he was the last driver and 2. I never move them anyway. He has other, better qualities though so we have our own cars and I drive when we go out together. It's my problem, not his. Yours? Not so much. He sounds like a negging twat.

girlmom21 · 14/01/2022 08:11

After two months he can fuck right off.
It won't end with driving either. He'll be the kind of knob who tells you you're loading the dishwasher wrong, missed a bit when you're vacuuming, etc etc.

Fruitandnuts · 14/01/2022 08:12

Bin Him. I know someone stuck in a miserable marriage because her self esteem as been stripped away bit by bit and i remember one of my first gut insights was when she told me he criticised her driving. It wont get better - if he doesn't show full clean open respectful love.

pointythings · 14/01/2022 09:18

Bin him. My late husband used to do this - and he didn't even have a bloody license. Every time he did it, I told him he could comment on my driving when he learned to drive.

Hehx3 · 14/01/2022 10:13

@freeandfierce I had similar experience ❤️. It is a red flag for control @hoomans

FinallyHere · 14/01/2022 10:14

Just like @justasking111 and @BobbieT1999 , I had to stop the car and ask him whether he wanted to get out or continue. Continuing only an option if he could stop criticising my driving.

Turned out it wasn't the only way he was an ar*e and I got rid eventually.

Now, the tables are turned. I hate DH's driving but have to keep quiet. Except in emergencies, such as when he didn't seem to notice that the person who had stepped out in front of him a few yards ahead was actually a police officer with a hand held up in the position that means 'STOP' and things like that.

Lindy2 · 14/01/2022 12:08

I wouldn't put up with that.

It's incredibly rude behaviour.

If he's that annoying and rude after only 2 months then can you imagine what he's going to be like 1 year in.

Ditch him now. You've seen enough to know he's not a keeper.

He can get his own car and do his own driving. I would find a partner without their own independent transport pretty unappealing anyway. The relationship starts off on too much of an uneven balance - even without the unwarranted driving criticism!