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Original poster

Do women ever regret letting go of a good man?

38 replies

Oscar345 · 11/01/2022 20:32

Hi Im a male user of this forum, recently an ex got into contact with me. We just reminisced about old times and how things could have been if we stuck together. We both have regrets on both sides id like to think..

During the conversation she was mentioning how no one else compares to the feeling of love i gave her. Although i dont want to pursue this woman i just wanted to know if women genuinely regret letting good men go? She was the one who broke it off and often tried to reconnect but it was too late as i was over it.

OP posts:
QueBarbaridad · 11/01/2022 20:42

You seem to think she does.
Some couples get back together: William and Kate, for example so I assume there was regret and change of heart.
Why do you ask?

ComtesseDeSpair · 11/01/2022 20:44

I’m sure some people of both sexes harbour some regrets over breaking up with somebody. I think people of both sexes can sometimes look back on relationships which in hindsight they can see perhaps didn’t work out due to something like the timing being wrong or not being able to meet each other’s needs or the situation not being optimal, rather than because either person was a terrible person, and (particularly once they’ve had more and often much worse relationships to compare it to) wonder if it could have been worked through.

Is there any point in trying to analyse it? It didn’t work out and you don’t want to get back together, so perhaps just see at as a happy thing that you were clearly both nice enough people in enough ways that you still have some fondness for each other.

Somuddled · 11/01/2022 20:49

It's a really odd question. I'm not sure I understand it. Some people will regret ending a relationship. But I feel that if it came to the point where they made a decision to end things then in their view (at least in that moment in time) they didn't consider the other person to be a 'good man' as you put it. So any feeling they later have are likely to be based on a hazy and unrealistic view of what the relationship was really like.

QueBarbaridad · 11/01/2022 20:53

Read ‘Persuasion’ by Jane Austen.

QueBarbaridad · 11/01/2022 21:04

Or ‘Pride and Prejudice’.

furbabymama87 · 11/01/2022 21:06

I've ended relationships in the past with men who were " good" but things weren't quite right or I wasn't happy. I may have had moments where I've wondered "what if" in moments when I was feeling down, but I believe in moving forwards in life and meeting new people, rather than going over past mistakes.

KERALA1 · 11/01/2022 21:14

If you end it there is usually a good reason! Or they are just not for you so little reason to resurrect

RoyKentsChestHair · 11/01/2022 21:14

I’ve split up with my ex several times. Whenever we see each other again I massively regret letting him go because I’m chemically addicted to him!

It doesn’t alter the fact that we’re fundamentally incompatible and then it all falls apart again.

I don’t think he’s “a good man” or a bad man, he’s just a man, whose ways don’t always align with mine and cause me stress, leaving me feeling frustrated and depressed.

Then he gets angry at my depression and intolerant of me, so I end things because I need support and understanding and he’s not making me feel loved. But then I’m alone and I miss him and forget all the bad stuff and just want to be held in his arms again.

But my rational brain knows that fixing the pain by using the thing that caused the pain isn’t sustainable.

So yes. I do regret letting him go on a regular basis. But I do still think splitting up is the right thing for us.

Maskless · 11/01/2022 21:17

I do.

18 years ago I ended it with my boyfriend because he was over-attentive to the point of making me feel like I was under surveillance. He rang me 10 times a day and if I wasn't home he'd leave frantic messages on the answerphone asking where I was and to call him soon as I was back.

He was very worried about me interacting with other men and a few times asked if I was sleeping with another man.

After just one year he was pressuring me to marry him

I felt suffocated, and thought it would be easier to start again with someone else than to work on these issues with him.

I was wrong. The fact is, apart from these issues he WAS perfect in every other way. I should have stayed with him, because 18 years on and I have no partner to live with, nobody to have sex with and nobody to love.

PoshPyjamas · 11/01/2022 21:18

No. I've let some good men go. In fact most of my exes are 'good men', and I invariably do the finishing. Don't regret it though. I still always find them boring or irritating after a couple of years, whether they be good bad or indifferent.

PoshPyjamas · 11/01/2022 21:19

The fact is, apart from these issues he WAS perfect in every other way Bloody hell, what have I just read Confused He sounds like a mentalist!

Sparkai · 11/01/2022 21:21

A good man and a good woman don't always equal good relationship

Changemaname1 · 11/01/2022 21:23

Christ @Maskless he’d have turned into a controlling arsehole as soon as he married you

I imagine there will be less women than men who walk away from “good ones” without good reason and if there’s a reason then it wasn’t that good was it . I think time makes you forget the bad parts of a relationship

Sunnytwobridges · 11/01/2022 21:29

I did. I let a good man go, I was too young and had too many issues going on to appreciate him. Unfortunately I haven't met anyone as good as him since and it's been a very long time since I let him go. I seriously regret it decades later.

And I'm sure there are men that regret letting a good woman go. I've had a few ex's come out of the woodwork wanting to get back together after they did me wrong. I was really good to them but by the time they came back I had moved on.

So It works both ways.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 11/01/2022 21:29

@Maskless

I do.

18 years ago I ended it with my boyfriend because he was over-attentive to the point of making me feel like I was under surveillance. He rang me 10 times a day and if I wasn't home he'd leave frantic messages on the answerphone asking where I was and to call him soon as I was back.

He was very worried about me interacting with other men and a few times asked if I was sleeping with another man.

After just one year he was pressuring me to marry him

I felt suffocated, and thought it would be easier to start again with someone else than to work on these issues with him.

I was wrong. The fact is, apart from these issues he WAS perfect in every other way. I should have stayed with him, because 18 years on and I have no partner to live with, nobody to have sex with and nobody to love.

Do you think he might have had an anxious / insecure attachment style? People with this approach can drive lovers away through being clingy, or can seem controlling, but with some work it's definitely possible to improve.
Maybejustmaybe2022 · 11/01/2022 21:30

Try again. It sounds like you both could work for each other now. Maybe the time wasn’t right before.

RantyAunty · 11/01/2022 21:45

Not really.

As time passes, it more than likely turns to, what the heck was I thinking?

Ricecakes889 · 11/01/2022 21:51

Yes I let go of one who wanted kids and I didn’t want anymore. Still miss him but couldn’t make him forsake being a dad even though he was willing to. 7 years ago now and I’m ok but still feel sad at what could have been.

TrufflesAndToast · 11/01/2022 21:52

@Maskless

I do.

18 years ago I ended it with my boyfriend because he was over-attentive to the point of making me feel like I was under surveillance. He rang me 10 times a day and if I wasn't home he'd leave frantic messages on the answerphone asking where I was and to call him soon as I was back.

He was very worried about me interacting with other men and a few times asked if I was sleeping with another man.

After just one year he was pressuring me to marry him

I felt suffocated, and thought it would be easier to start again with someone else than to work on these issues with him.

I was wrong. The fact is, apart from these issues he WAS perfect in every other way. I should have stayed with him, because 18 years on and I have no partner to live with, nobody to have sex with and nobody to love.

Um, I’m pretty sure you did the right thing there Confused

Better to be single and independent than a controlled and abused shell of your former self, which is how you would have ended up. That or dead.

You can’t ‘work on’ issues like one partner being an insecure controlling psycho.

Onthedunes · 11/01/2022 21:55

Depends what kind of ex it is.

A divorced ex
A fling ex
A school crush ex
A young love ex
An exit ex
A rebound ex.

Too many variables I'm afraid.

She sounds bored.

Original poster
Oscar345 · 11/01/2022 21:59

A young love ex, we were together on and off for around 5 years. Slowly drifted away over time.

OP posts:
Maybejustmaybe2022 · 11/01/2022 22:02

So much bitterness on these threads.

DivorcedAndDelighted · 12/01/2022 08:23

You can be a good man and yet not right for her.

Subulter · 12/01/2022 08:30

I'm sure lots of the people I broke up with when I was younger were 'good men' in the usual sense of the term the few whose lives I know anything about are married with children, solvent, working in decent jobs, apparently happy and together but, like many people, I look for way more in someone I plan to spend my life with. You can be Good Man and still bore someone to death, or spit when you speak, or be a bit thick.

You, OP, are just looking for fuel for your fantasy that you're the One That Got Away, and that this ex still nurses appalling regrets that she's not still with you.

DrSbaitso · 12/01/2022 08:32

@Maskless

I do.

18 years ago I ended it with my boyfriend because he was over-attentive to the point of making me feel like I was under surveillance. He rang me 10 times a day and if I wasn't home he'd leave frantic messages on the answerphone asking where I was and to call him soon as I was back.

He was very worried about me interacting with other men and a few times asked if I was sleeping with another man.

After just one year he was pressuring me to marry him

I felt suffocated, and thought it would be easier to start again with someone else than to work on these issues with him.

I was wrong. The fact is, apart from these issues he WAS perfect in every other way. I should have stayed with him, because 18 years on and I have no partner to live with, nobody to have sex with and nobody to love.

You mean, he was perfect apart from being clingy, controlling, suffocating, paranoid, accusatory and overbearing?