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Original poster

Why won’t he ask me out (mostly for the giggles)

44 replies

Kooksadooks · 11/01/2022 17:41

Hello

I made out with a co-worker during a Christmas party. We were both drunk but tbh it was mostly me. I can barely remember a thing. Feedback from other co-workers are that they want us to get together, encouraging it… other feedback includes that we were both kissing each other rather than it being only me. We didn’t get to go back together as I went home with some other girls being too drunk. He said it was a good night, he said it was no trouble to him that I was drunk. We both talked about how awkward it was with work afterwards. For context we fully WFH. He added me on Linkedin, I added him on Facebook. I superswiped him on a dating app Blush but never heard back, he either swiped and got rid of me or doesn’t check the app at all. He likes my pictures on Facebook. Feedback from other co-workers are that he hasn’t had a girlfriend before. So either he is waiting until I leave the team and move onto different department, he is extremely shy, or he is just not interested in me at all Grin I’d appreciate if you could do some mind reading and tell me what is going on because my head is fried Xmas Wink

OP posts:
Milomonster · 11/01/2022 18:09

Why don’t you ask him out?

chickenninja · 11/01/2022 18:11

I have no idea what super swipe means but I'd assume he doesn't use that app if he's not responded..
Have you get his number? You could message him and just ask something about work and see if he carries on the conversation? If he just gives a professional answer I'd assume he's not interested like that

AnGofsMum · 11/01/2022 18:15

Yes, just ask him out. Or get a mutual friend at work to organise a meal out or similar and see if being away from the workplace helps.

todaysdilemma · 11/01/2022 18:35

I would assume he isn't that interested. IME if a bloke is interested, you'll know. They ask you out, find any and every excuse to talk to you, they'd keep up the flirty convo etc. Especially since you both wfh, would be very easy to flirt/ask you out without the whole office seeing it. Also the fact he added you on Linkedin, not a social media app would tell me he's keeping it professional.

But like other pp have said, just ask him out for drinks and see how it goes. Don't do a coffee because he could see that a friends type invitation and you won't have any clue if he's romantically interested.

LondonQueen · 11/01/2022 18:35

Does sound like he isn't that interested. Maybe ask him out for a drink?

Original poster
Kooksadooks · 11/01/2022 18:48

Unfortunately I cannot possibly ask him out due to fear of rejection Grin

OP posts:
Feelingbutterflies · 11/01/2022 21:30

I really think you need to ask him out to give an answer. He may be just as fearful of rejection and being a man going after a female co-worker he may hbe terrified of a sexual harassment claim and losing his job!

I'd drop a message at the end of your next chat with "let's get lunch tomorrow" and see what happens. You could end it with "I enjoy your company". If he says no, it's not that awkward and you can move on.

Munchkinpumpkin · 11/01/2022 21:57

Do you ever catch him looking, is there flirty eye contact?.. if not i would defo sack it off.. i think hes embarrassed by the whole thing and wants to forget it happened

curmudgeonly007 · 11/01/2022 22:03

He may be just as fearful of rejection and being a man going after a female co-worker he may hbe terrified of a sexual harassment claim and losing his job!

100% this,

Aprilx · 12/01/2022 04:18

I have no idea what superswiped on a dating app means but whatever it is, the fact he ignored you doesn’t bode well. What does it mean anyway?

Original poster
Kooksadooks · 12/01/2022 06:55

Superswiped - not just a regular yes but a super yes. You only get so many ‘superswipes’.

It’s the exact thought ‘he is probably embarrassed by it all’ which means I really really really don’t feel comfortable pursing him without more from him first

OP posts:
Derelicthome · 12/01/2022 07:06

I had a drunk office Christmas party pash back in the day and it was the best.
Nothing eventuated but hopefully your story will end up differently!

curmudgeonly007 · 12/01/2022 07:23

@Kooksadooks

Unfortunately I cannot possibly ask him out due to fear of rejection Grin
It always intrigued me that women won’t ask men out (if they like them of course ), for fear of rejection. So if men had the same level of fear of rejection nobody would ever ask anyone out. So does this mean that that mens feelings matter less ?
Original poster
Kooksadooks · 12/01/2022 09:26

No I am not asserting that men’s feelings matter less I am simply stating how I feel Xmas Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Kooksadooks · 12/01/2022 09:27

Hahaha thank you - so do I

OP posts:
Original poster
Kooksadooks · 12/01/2022 09:28

I am awful at replying on my phone - the last message was in response to Derelicthome

OP posts:
lilikiki · 12/01/2022 09:28

maybe he wants you to chase him
dunno how attractive you’d find that

NoNameHere12 · 12/01/2022 09:30

Don’t think I’d see it as rejection, just message and say wanna go for lunch/a drink.

He isn’t going to just type no is he, he will back it up with an excuse so it’s not like it’s in your face.

I’d just ask him, so what if he says no, your world won’t end.

NoNameHere12 · 12/01/2022 09:32

If his shy that’s a good thing as it sounds very unlikely he will go around the office saying you asked him out. TBH he probably wouldn’t tell anyone anything if his that shy?

skgnome · 12/01/2022 09:47

He never had a girlfriend before, either he just likes to have casual dates / hook ups… in which case, you made out at a party, he already moved on, and it’s keeping it friendly and professional
Or, he’s just shy and the fact that you already made out made it a bit weird
Just ask him out for a coffee… it can be a friendly colleague coffee or a flirty coffee… you ask, let him take the lead on the kind of coffee he goes for…

BlokeHereInPeace · 12/01/2022 10:38

If it's in the workplace he is probably concerned that you might choose to start making things professionally awkward. Office parties and alcohol are asking for trouble. Just message him along the lines of 'I enjoyed the party. If you would like to have a drink one evening I would like that. If you prefer not to, that's fine as well' and see what happens.

Wellington17 · 12/01/2022 10:58

Ask him out! I had a very similar situation and now own a house and am pregnant with my office crush (now serious boyfriend)'s baby!

I didn't even have a Christmas snog, but bumped into him at a non-work event and spent a few hours chatting. I was SURE he liked me, and we chatted lots in the office after, but he didn't ask me out. I also spotted him on Tinder and obviously swiped yes, but nothing back..

In the end I was getting so obsessed that I thought fuck it and just asked him out for a drink, as just wanted to know one way or the other. He said yes and here we are! Turns out he was just a bit shy and awkward about asking out someone from work.

When I asked him out I weighed up the best and worst case scenarios. Best = where I am now :)... worst = embarrassment that I would get over.

Subulter · 12/01/2022 11:02

Maybe he doesn't regard 'feedback from other co-workers that they want us to get together' as much of a basis for a relationship? Maybe he is paralysed with horror that you drunkenly snogged the faces off one another in public at a work party, and meant what he said afterwards about it being awkward because you work together? Maybe the 'feedback from other co-workers that he hasn't had a girlfriend before' is completely inaccurate and he's married with three children?

EBearhug · 12/01/2022 11:20

Either you need to get over your fear of rejection and ask him, or you need to move on. If you ask him, at least you'll know one way or another. It's a lot easier if you're all WFH currently, but you do also need to think about how to deal with it if things don't work out and you do have to meet for work, in the workplace. (It's not always a problem. I have worked with more than one ex-lover, but I am also friends with exes that were nothing to do with work, so I guess it depends how these things usually go with you.)

MrsBerthaRochester · 12/01/2022 12:39

He is not that into you. The end.