Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

He loves me but I feel nothing and I’m pregnant

29 replies

Jasmine23230 · 11/01/2022 14:18

We’ve been together 7 months now and at the beginning it was great but 2 months in he had a breakdown saying he couldn’t be with me and I was too good for him and that I should leave him, he had 2 breakdowns. And ever since my feelings haven’t been the same for him, I find him so annoying, I hate when he kisses me and touches me. And he never gives me personal space, where ever I am he’s right next to me. He smothers me in love and 2 weeks into our relationship he was telling me he loves me. I got pregnant with his baby and I’m 6 weeks and contemplating an abortion as he doesn’t want a child, he’s broken down into tears when I told him I wanted to keep it at the beginning, whenever I bring up the pregnancy his faces changes to being happy to disappointed.. because I stopped talking about it, it hasn’t been brought up atall and it’s like I’m not even pregnant.

He says we can have another baby in the future when he’s ready financially. I can tell he cares about me as he shows many acts of kindness and is constantly checking up on me.

But I don’t know why I feel the way I do towards him, The only reason I haven’t left him yet is because he says he’ll be so sad and I’ve tried to before and I felt terrible.

OP posts:

PerseverancePays · 12/01/2022 14:41

He doesn’t seem very mature or stable. Not good husband material. He’s clingy, over emotional, wants your attention only on him. He will not cope well with a baby. Babies are hard work and he is not going to like that.
Why are you with him and why do you want to have a baby with someone you hardly know?
Unless you are emotionally very well supported (family and friends) and have plenty of money, I would draw a line under this and start again.

whatfreshheck · 12/01/2022 14:46

I don't think you can depend on him to make a rational decision so the question is what do YOU want to do?

Wreath21 · 12/01/2022 14:53

Bin this man. The kindest interpretation of his whiny loser behaviour is that he needs counselling or therapy to grow the fuck up become more resilient, but this is not your responsibility and you cannot be a therapist to the person you are dating in any safe or ethical way.
The more likely explanation is that he is not just a whiny loser but a selfi-obsessed drama llama who will drain you of everything you have. He would make an appalling father so if you want to terminate the pregnancy that might well be your best option (otherwise you will have to have Whiny Loser in the background for years, messing with your child's head as well as yours).

ImInStealthMode · 12/01/2022 14:54

If you don't want to have a baby, he doesn't want to have a baby, and for the sake of the baby you would bring into the middle of this, have an abortion.

And then split from him. You don't love him, in fact it doesn't sound like you even like him. If he'd be sad now then he'd be much sadder in a year or two years or 10 years time.

Go out and find someone that you love, that loves you, and spend time building a solid foundation together before you think about marriage and children.

Quartz2208 · 12/01/2022 14:56

End it now. This sounds awful.

Then decide if YOU want to bring this baby into the world and take it from there

PearlD · 12/01/2022 15:00

Sounds like he capable of nor wants to raise a child, and you don't want to do it with him. There's only one fair way forward for all of you. The alternative is years of heartache.

Dozycuntlaters · 12/01/2022 15:50

Well I guess the key question is.....do you want this baby? If yes, then split from him and go it alone. He's a grown man, he will get over it and if he doesn't; it's not your problem.

I would have a very good think though about having his baby - do you want to tie yourself to this man through your child forever?

Original poster

Jasmine23230 · 12/01/2022 17:21

He’s now talking about moving in together around summer time, and he keeps asking me to put my location tracker on my iPhone so he can see where I’m at all times and make sure “I’m safe”. He used to have my location but I took it off because he tells me he constantly watched me to check up on me and now he wants it back and is very persistent.

He also says the reason he loves me is because of the love I show to him and that he needed me he love of a woman 😕

OP posts:

girlmom21 · 12/01/2022 17:30

@Jasmine23230

He also says the reason he loves me is because of the love I show to him and that he needed me he love of a woman 😕

Run for the fucking hills. This isn't normal or sane.

zafferana · 12/01/2022 17:30

OP this relationship has more red flags than a boy scout jamboree. He sounds immature, controlling, needy and stifling - all things you should be running like the wind in the opposite direction from. I wouldn't have a baby with this man if he was the last man on Earth.

Chikapu · 12/01/2022 17:46

You said you hate it when he kisses or touches you, how have you been managing to have sex with him? Has this been consensual or have you been pressured into it?
You aren't responsible for this man or his reaction to you leaving, you can't live your life that way. Getting away from him is your priority.

Original poster

Jasmine23230 · 12/01/2022 18:05

@Chikapu no he doesn’t force me. Since I’ve been pregnant my sex drive has gone very low so we don’t have sex much. I feel as though I’m responsible unfortunately for his happiness.

He is good to me in other ways but he’s emotionally unstable

OP posts:

Ijustreallywantacat · 12/01/2022 18:08

All the reasons you said were good enough to leave him. (Not that you have to have one) The tracking thing makes it ten times worse. I would seriously consider aborting, unless you want to be tied to him for the rest of your life. Then go out and find someone you like. Rip off the plaster!

TripleSeptic · 12/01/2022 18:09

Run fast and far

Elieza · 12/01/2022 18:29

Red flags all round. He’s too controlling. You’ve got the ick. There’s no coming back from that.

If you are happy to go to the doctor and take a few pills to solve your pregnancy problems I would personally do that. But it’s your choice 100%. I’d have counselling after too. It helped me and I’m ok and getting in with my life not tied to some dude from years ago whom I now can’t stand.

But when you decide to leave him be very very careful. I had a guy like that. He said if he couldn’t have me nobody would and tried to kill me. He was previously nice enough and not violent at all, but because he’s messed up inside, he just went crazy.

So be careful how you leave. Seek help. Don’t do it alone and nobody knows where you are. He could turn like my ex did.

And if, once you leave him, he phones to tell you he is suicidal just ring the police. Every single time. He will get the message.

Sorry you’re going through this.

Fluffycloudland77 · 12/01/2022 18:40

Cornucopia of red flags there. My dh has never asked to track me in 17 years. Why would you?

MondayYogurt · 12/01/2022 18:54

I'm getting ick-by-proxy just reading this. You don't owe him a relationship just because he breaks down.

Honeyroar · 12/01/2022 19:04

Unless this is likely to be your last chance baby I’d not have it - you’d be tying yourself to him forever, and he would use that tie.. I’d walk away. You are not responsible for his happiness- as a previous poster said, call the police if he threatens any self harm. You shouldn’t be feeling obligated to stay with someone that gives you the ick. Live your life for you.

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/01/2022 19:08

Good lord, you need to leave him - he’s a screaming nightmare.

He wants a nurse/mummy not a girlfriend. No wonder you find him repulsive.

What you want to do about the pregnancy is a separate matter, but you should count him out of any plans.

Can you talk things through with a friend, or otherwise arrange a counselling session through Marie Stopes?

Luredbyapomegranate · 12/01/2022 19:10

Ah god, I just read your update about the tracker.

He’s not just a screaming man child, he’s a controlling, manipulative emotional abuser, who knows exactly what he’s at.

Get rid. And focus on your future.

Chunkymonkey13 · 12/01/2022 19:11

Definitely dump him and run for the hills.

As for the baby, if you want to keep it and can cope as a single mum go for it. If you don’t want the baby contact bpas. You aren’t alone, 1in 4 women have an abortion due to various reasons and it isn’t an easy decision. Sending you a virtual hug 💐

FitnessKeepItGoing · 12/01/2022 19:21

Sounds like he has mental health problems

mantlepiece · 12/01/2022 19:33

Well apart from his behaviour and personality type, I do think you need to consider why you personally have got yourself in this situation.

Do you think you are making sensible decisions about boyfriends and relationships? Do you think it is wise to allow a relationship like this to continue?

Do you think you are capable of bringing up a child at this stage in your life?

It seems to me you are letting life happen to you, it doesn’t need to be like that. You are an adult, you can decide how you want your life to be. Just because he wants to be in your life doesn’t mean you have to allow it. You can decide the way forward.

Ohdoleavemealone · 12/01/2022 19:37

More hassle than it's worth at this point. The longer you stay the harder it is to walk away.

Graphista · 12/01/2022 20:07

Sounds like you have "the ick" which is a perfectly good reason to end the relationship.

Whether to continue the pregnancy or not is entirely your choice as I think either way you will be on your own.

He sounds potentially abusive - possible love bombing and using Mh to prevent you leaving him? And it's only been 7 months!

He’s now talking about moving in together around summer time, and he keeps asking me to put my location tracker on my iPhone so he can see where I’m at all times and make sure “I’m safe”

Yep! Red flags galore - get shot asap!

Personally I would say IF you decide to continue the pregnancy I would avoid continue having anything to do with him as far as possible.

Flip

1 2