Seperating after 25 years

[ScoobyJas73]

Man here need advice
Hi all, first time I've ever posted.
I've been with my partner for 25 years, we are not married and have 2 grown up children of 22.
We live in a housing association property and I've just about had enough. She is 60 and I'm 48 so a big age gap. The main issues are I work as a London Taxi Driver working 50+ hours a week and she only works for 20 hours a week.
I've been pleading for years for her to get a full time job and help out financially more than she does. For whatever reason it's been 7 years and no change.
I want a life and to be able to do things and go places but whilst I'm the main breadwinner it's never gonna happen.
We had arguments and discussions about it but nothing has changed. I want to leave but if I do it drops her right in the shit financially as she only earns about £770 a month.
I'm so sad, depressed and miserable as a result. There hasnt been any sexual contact or physical interaction for over 3 years now either
Please help???

Hand on heart I would miss nothing about her
Am I supposed to stay with someone when I feel like this?
Would you just accept that this is going to your life until you die.

OK op , its evident you have been a good husband, so all of that is fair enough (apart from how upset your wife will probably be).

So my next question is, if it's so straightforward and clear cut, and you have given your wife more than reasonable time to change, and she hasn't, and you have no reasons to feel guilty, then why are you posting here instead of going ahead?

Frankly if I was your wife, and I loved you, and I was unaware that you felt so little for me, I would far rather you were honest and moved out. Equally, I would far rather be poor than live with someone who by the sound of it, almost resented my very existence!

You never know, you leaving might open up lots of new horizons for her and do her the world of good!

OP - I mean this kindly and I say this as a 60 year old woman(albeit contributing fully) if you loved your wife and still felt the same— whether she worked full time or part time or not at all wouldn’t matter— you are fixated on the wrong thing— you don’t feel the same — therefore it’s better to accept some things aren’t forever- but be kind and fair .

I think age gaps always become harder the older you get, whereas initially in your 20s and 30s they're barely noticeable. I've certainly noticed the 10 year age gap between DH and I lately, and it's not in a good way.

It's OK to fall out of love. Just be kind in how you deal with it.

You are going to find it easier to sort a flat out, so she stays and once you leave she will be able to claim towards rent— you aren’t married so nothing is due from you. She will be fine— if she needs at that point to up her hours then that’s up to her— but having a resentful bloke around chipping away may well not exactly have been very motivating

I was in a not dissimilar situation. Married 26 years, kids now in their early 20's.
Because of historical childcare issues my wife gave up her full time contract and became part time.
The relationship was finished, no intimacy for 15 years and silences for several weeks and months.
I decided to go. My life is too important to me.
It's not easy. It's hard. I live on crisps and toast. But I'm happy.
Good luck. Don't look back when you're in the advanced years and think "I wish.."

I have been trying to get her to Increase her hours for the last 7 years

So if she were to up her hours would that truthfully help ?

I am posting on here for advice and what have I got to feel guilty for? What have I done wrong?
Yes we spoke about it no end of times. I've threatened to leave if things don't change and they haven't at all

You are wishing to discard your wife and want reasons for that, reasons that absolve your guilt.
You threatened to leave her her many times by the sounds of it, she knows you don't love her as a husband should so no wonder she doesn't have sex with you, who would?

By the sounds of it your wife is depressed not wanting to leave the house, maybe because her companion in life hates her ?

You believe she loves you, I would disagree, she probably hates you and realises what a precarious situation she is in.
I certainly wouldn't like to be in her shoes financially with a husband who's hell bent in deserting me at 60.

Oh well, you're younger, have many more opportunities and time to meet a replacement (if you havn't already), you arn't married so that works in your favour financially, and basically are in a much better possition than her.
So whats the problem ?

Who's house was it originally? I'm guessing hers.

She's obviously outgrown her usefulness to you, men always justify discarding with transactional value.

Did she have no other value ?

Bold fail

Set yourself free. Leave her and move on.