Is this normal behaviour or am I missing something here ?

[blueberryblues]

My partner has zero interest in the way I dress, look, what I wear or don't. He doesn't give a toss either way.
He has no interest in lingerie, me in make up, hair styled, glammed up.
He seems very attracted to me, loves skin to skin , affection, kissing and sexually , the chemistry is super.
In his own defence he dresses very casually for comfort and then makes an effort when going out. He is always clean and well groomed but I am not used to a man who doesn't ' appreciate' his partner's physical attributes or even acknowledges her !
I could walks round in pjs all days long and he wouldn't bat an eyelid.I am overweight too and have been since I met him but have put on weight and again , he doesn't care a jot even when I feel unattractive etc.
Is this normal
Behaviour in your experience?
Most men I know always acknowledge or appreciate their partners or wives and certainly in my experience previously.

My husband is the same, which makes it special when he does say something. He's showing you how he feels about you in non verbal terms.

My partner is the same. I spent yesterday in PJs and no make-up, he came to bed telling me he thought I'd looked particularly sexy all day...in PJs :-D Ah well, suits me. Some days I look dog rough and he'll look at me and say 'fuck, you're pretty'. Bless him :-D At least I'm not spending thousands on lingerie; utterly lost on him.

When we met first, I wondered if either a he was not particularly attracted to me or b in the closet.
Men in my experice are visual beings and he said he is a visual creature so when he never batted an eyelid for good or bad , when together , I thought there was something amiss. He has said that he os attracted to me and his actions physically/sexually show me that he is but otherwise I may aswell be a fly on the wall.

Have you told him how you feel? I am overweight and don’t feel I look great just now and slob about in comfy clothes but boyfriend says i look nice if I dress up calls me beautiful etc not ott but it’s nice to hear. I reciprocate If he’s looking nice or I think mmm you’re lovely today but not as much as he does. Hard one as it can make you feel a bit self conscious but if you don’t talk to him about it then you won’t know how he feels or that you feel the way you do

I would be upset if mine cared about whether I wore make up, lingerie etc. the fact that your partner looks lives you for you is actually amazing.

Dh is the same. Seems confused when I dress up and want a compliment cos as far as he's concerned I look just as fabulous in pjs. He separates me from my clothes and make up. Those are extras to him and not actually part of me. He feels like he'd be insulting me if he says I look good because of clothes I happen to be wearing and that to him feels like he's suggesting I look bad if not dressed up.

He tells me randomly that I'm beautiful and he's lucky to have someone as attractive/sexy as me, but that happens regardless of what I'm wearing

However I do like a compliment when dressed up, so the house rule is, if I'm wearing red lipstick then he needs to notice and compliment. It's not exactly spontaneous, but it works for us.

He knows I feel big and uurgh at the moment. He is supportive and motivating but my size doesn't bother HIM in the least but am I to presume that because he is always so affectionate and sensually/ sexually interested that he finds me as attractive or is it his sexual needs and wants that drive that behaviour?

@elelel

I would be upset if mine cared about whether I wore make up, lingerie etc. the fact that your partner looks lives you for you is actually amazing.

I'd agree with this. I'd rather be appreciated for me than as I am when I'm all done up. That's nice but it's nice to know that's not all you're valued for.

I dated someone who liked all the dressing up stuff and I ended up feeling like a doll. It wasn't nice.

Some do say things and some don't. There are pluses and minuses either way, it depends what you need to feel good. Probably not an issue really if the chemistry is good, though I have been out with someone like this and I recognize the feeling of frustration at not being noticed when an effort is made. When it's consistently ignored it's then obvious that it's him and not you, just the way he is, so it comes down to whether that is important or not in the grand scheme.

But who doesn't enjoy getting dressed in a sexy way as prelude to amazing sex?

@Normalsnormal

But who doesn't enjoy getting dressed in a sexy way as prelude to amazing sex?

Me. I'm not interested in being something I'm not. Have managed 'amazing sex' for a good 30 years without getting dressed up.

I'm not interested in getting dressed up whatsoever for sexy but he never noticed a silk cami/ shorts / negligee combo . He just wanted them off and much prefers skin to skin contact !

Same here, he loves me for me, not how I look. It's refreshing to not have someone shallow and obsessed by looks!

I literally never dress up or wear make up or sexy lingerie. No thanks. I prefer to be comfortable.
DH still compliments me on the way I look and vice versa. I’m glad that he doesn’t care that I don’t wear make up and lingerie and appreciates the fact I dress for what makes me feel happy.

@Normalsnormal

But who doesn't enjoy getting dressed in a sexy way as prelude to amazing sex?

Me! I find the whole stockings and suspenders a bit cringe. Luckily DP feels the same and he’s happy just to get me naked, whatever I’m wearing. I really love that about him.

DH will say I look nice if I've dressed up/am wearing something new/have had my hair done but 95% of the time doesn't seem to care what I look like, good job as I make zero effort most days. I don't wear make up, wore it minimally when we met but not for years now, DH says he prefers me without it. He's never seemed interested in lingerie and definitely prefers me naked in bed. We both acknowledge we've gained weight and our bodies have changed over the years but he always just says 'it's you I love and want and you're still you however you look' if I ask if it bothers him and tbf I feel the same about him. It's taken years but I actually believe now that when he looks at me he still feels visual attraction, but because it's me, not because I'm necessarily attractive generally if that makes sense? I don't know if I've explained it well but I do think people experience attraction in different ways and sometimes it's not about physicality at all.

@blueberryblues

I'm not interested in getting dressed up whatsoever for sexy but he never noticed a silk cami/ shorts / negligee combo . He just wanted them off and much prefers skin to skin contact !

Do you not think of you have worn these and he wants you to take them off that they have had the desired affect?

I honestly don't know what you are looking for OP

Received lacy bed body suit and long white lace topped socks for Christmas. As I'm always cold in bed - feet especially. So I shouldnt wear them as an objection to dressing up for sex?

@blueberryblues

I'm not interested in getting dressed up whatsoever for sexy but he never noticed a silk cami/ shorts / negligee combo . He just wanted them off and much prefers skin to skin contact !

Yep, that would be my DH too. I take it as a compliment tbh.

Well, as a 54 year old in a very long, happy, and fulfilling relationship and marriage with a similar sounding DH, it looks to me like you've got yourself a keeper OP.
Relax and be you and let him be him. Enjoy your lovely relationship (and spend your pennies on some other lovely treat rather than lingerie if you want )

Previous partners would have been appreciative of me in lingerie or a sexy red dress or swishy hair or some such things. This man takes more interest in the golf than how I present myself but yet I think he feels attracted to me by his actions but I can't be sure as he doesn't verbalise this. I guess I feel ignored when I make an effort to look a bit better than normal
Day to day.
I don't know what I'm looking for.... similar experiences perhaps?

Actions speak louder than words!

Shameful of a partner failing to appreciate your efforts in appearance.

@blueberryblues

He knows I feel big and uurgh at the moment. He is supportive and motivating but my size doesn't bother HIM in the least but am I to presume that because he is always so affectionate and sensually/ sexually interested that he finds me as attractive or is it his sexual needs and wants that drive that behaviour?

The latter was my experience with my ex - he didn't care whether I dressed up sexy or not, he just wanted to get his end away. He was also happy to cheat on me with a range of women with different appearances and age (one over 20 years older than me!) because all he cared about was sex.

Sorry to be a negative voice, but that was my experience. I also found it really disheartening when I made a special effort and he didn't care, but was just focused on having sex ASAP.

I'd say this is more normal than a man who is very concerned about his partner's appearance.