Is this normal behaviour or am I missing something here ?

[blueberryblues]

My partner has zero interest in the way I dress, look, what I wear or don't. He doesn't give a toss either way.
He has no interest in lingerie, me in make up, hair styled, glammed up.
He seems very attracted to me, loves skin to skin , affection, kissing and sexually , the chemistry is super.
In his own defence he dresses very casually for comfort and then makes an effort when going out. He is always clean and well groomed but I am not used to a man who doesn't ' appreciate' his partner's physical attributes or even acknowledges her !
I could walks round in pjs all days long and he wouldn't bat an eyelid.I am overweight too and have been since I met him but have put on weight and again , he doesn't care a jot even when I feel unattractive etc.
Is this normal
Behaviour in your experience?
Most men I know always acknowledge or appreciate their partners or wives and certainly in my experience previously.

I don't mind a negative voice. I like to hear all thoughts.
My partner is very affectionate and loving but if we were to be honest my sex drive trumps his but perhaps that's because my sex drive is high and I am adventurous which he has not been used to and can be a little shy sometimes about this so I know
As much as a woman can know, that he isn't sleeping with anyone else and his spare time is spent with me.

@Normalsnormal

But who doesn't enjoy getting dressed in a sexy way as prelude to amazing sex?

Me.

He finds you hot. YOU. He doesn't need you to dress up. This is a man who will never (thinking of other threads on here) stroppily accuse you of 'letting yourself go', have an affair because he feels you arent glam enough, have a go at you for sitting round the house without makeup on.

If you want more compliments when you dress up just tell him, I'm sure he will oblige cos he thinks you are hot when you are dressed up, just not more hot than when you are in PJs.

You have something rare here OP, you are very lucky.

Could he have Aphantasia? I do, which means I can't picture things in my head, and it can cause problems because I have no reference point.

If my DP has a haircut but hasn't told me she's getting one then I won't notice. Obviously I know she has shoulder length blonde hair so if she turns up with a bright red mohican then I'm going to notice, but I can't picture her in my head so I have no comparison if she's taken a couple of inches off and gone 2 shades lighter etc.

Same is true of a change in the way she's done her makeup, or if she's put on or lost a bit of weight. The only way I'd really be able to tell was if I looked at an old photo at the same time as looking at her.

It's caused arguments before, especially as up until a few years ago I didn't realise that Aphantasia was a thing, I thought people were talking in metaphor when they said they could picture things in their heads.

My DP would feel like I didn't care because I'd not told her her hair looked nice, and I'd feel bad that I was spectacularly unobservant. I wasn't, I just didn't have the reference point to be able to tell.

Even if it's not this, I don't understand why this affects you so much, surely the fact that he's into you know matter how you look shows that his attraction for you runs far deeper than your looks. That is a good thing surely?

My husband is the same, which makes it special when he does say something.

Really? I'd wonder what was wrong if my husband suddenly had an opinion on how I looked or what I wore.

If I'm unsure I'll ask him or my daughter if this looks OK when I'm trying stuff on, they'll say yes or no.

I guess I don't really care enough about how I look to other people.

Could he have Aphantasia?

Does a man who lives his partner for who she is really need a diagnosis?

Mine doesn't look at me at all, I might as well go round with a bag over my head. I'm a size 10, I run, I eat healthy, I dress ok and do hair/make up when I'm going somewhere, get interest from men, but I feel utterly invisible and unloved. You are lucky, OP

I would be pretty unnerved if i made the effort to dress up and my partner didn't notice it at all or even compliment me. My partner and I are both very casual dressers normally, so when either of us makes an effort, it's a case of "Phwoar!" I would feel a bit like I was just a warm body to have sex with, rather than a person with my own unique physical characteristics and style that my partner has noticed.

I have seen me get dressed for a special evening out and turned husband on so much we were late due to spontaneous sex. Was brilliant! !

This is what is irritating me.
I am now at a point where I have said ...so.... do I look well? He says ya you look lovely.
He admires things like woolly jumpers and jeans and boots as in objects of clothing or says they 'suit' me or he really likes xyz item of clothing on me but would never really say ... wow you look great all glammed up . Weird to me.

@Normalsnormal See this is normal! I would love this! I remember something that became the final straw for me - I dressed up really nice, so much that my boys and my mum who had come to babysit all went "wooowwww!" as I came down the stairs, and all dh said was "come on, we're going to be late" and stomped off to the car, oblivious. I could see this was the last straw for my mum too. She hated him from that point!!

@elelel

Could he have Aphantasia?

Does a man who lives his partner for who she is really need a diagnosis?

I wouldn't really call it a diagnosis, given that it something 2% of the population experience and it's not an illness.

Given that the vast majority of people had already mentioned that he likely just loves her no matter what she looks like (and I also mentioned it in my own post) I thought it might be useful to offer an alternative perspective based on my own experience.

Op are you perplexed that he's not constancy telling you you're beautiful and sexy etc or that he isn't criticising you ie the weight? , just wondering if you're used to quote a lot of criticism?

If you walk around in sexy lingerie would he get the computer out or put the telly and ignore you until you're in bed or would he be physically demonstrative?

@19Bears

Mine doesn't look at me at all, I might as well go round with a bag over my head. I'm a size 10, I run, I eat healthy, I dress ok and do hair/make up when I'm going somewhere, get interest from men, but I feel utterly invisible and unloved. You are lucky, OP

Maybe it's time to meet someone else 19

19bears same here, it really gets you down.

@SleepingStandingUp He would be demonstrative if I did that. It's hard to explain except that I would describe him as a man of action instead of words. Does that make sense??? There's no bullshit about him. Straight and honest I suppose.

My OH pays relatively little to what I'm wearing or my hairstyle, tbh I think he just perceives a cloud of something-he-likes wafting around the house. You know, the way small kids always think their Mum is beautiful whatever.

That said, he does know that it's good to occasionally say that I look nice when I've made the effort to dress up a bit, but TBH that's more him being polite!

Frankly this is a blessing, as after many decades together, various bits of us have fallen, swollen, crumpled or multiplied. I still look at him and feel my heart swell though, and, I think, vice versa.

So I guess we're the same, but it's a good thing!

@SleepingStandingUp I did. He waited. I let him go :(

[quote 19Bears]@SleepingStandingUp I did. He waited. I let him go :([/quote]
That doesn't mean you need to stick with the one who's wrong xx

I'm sorry @felulageller What is wrong with them?

I know @SleepingStandingUp believe me, I wish I had the balls to just kick him out and start again x

Your husband is not visual, he is FEELINGS oriented. How could you miss that? Let me tell you the cues from what you typed

He loves to be touched (feeling)
He loves to dress COMFORTABLY (feeling)
He doesn't want things in the WAY OF YOUR SKIN (feeling)
He is not impressed with lingerie (not visual)
He doesn't notice new clothes (not visual)
Sex is great (feeling)
You have good CHEMISTRY (a feeling) with him
He is sensual (feelings)

This is a man who will love you forever as long as you make him FEEL good. You harping about him not telling you that you look good will not make him FEEL GOOD, it will make him feel bad. Stop it. Your guy is not shallow and silly like other men who only care about women's physical attractiveness. He is attracted to you because when he is with you, he feels loved, warm, secure and happy.

It's funny you should say that as he is so sensory sensitive. Touching him, hugging, cuddling. It's all about touch. It's like he gets electric shocks when I touch him anywhere.he adores it . I find it tickly z if I rub his head / face back/ legs , just with my fingers or palm, it drives him wild ... not even sexually but it completely relaxes him and me too to a point .

He sounds perfect. I’d rather someone more tactile than visual like that. It tells me he loves you regardless.

I dated someone that only noticed if I wore lingerie, that he requested as I hate the stuff, it made me feel like he only noticed me when it was related to sex. He wasn’t tactile or affectionate ever .

yet I think he feels attracted to me by his actions but I can't be sure as he doesn't verbalise this

This is the wrong way of looking at it, actions tell the truth..

His actions are a much bigger indicator of whether or not he finds you attractive. You have a very tactile/sensual relationship, and from what you've described he loves your body.

He loves and is attracted to the real you not the clothes and makeup etc.. sounds great to me.

If you need verbal reassurance speak up!

Great post @Cimone ❤️