Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

1 2

Original poster

How to avoid ex’s on dating sites?

27 replies

Lanesdown · 10/01/2022 11:50

My exH found his affair partners on dating websites, Bumble but could be others. We’ve been separated now since June last year and I’m thinking at some point this year I might feel ready to try and meet someone again. However, I don’t want to come across him or more importantly, have him seeing me on any dating site. For those where this also bothers them, how do you avoid it!!

Are there some sites where you can block someone, but not sure how I’d do that if I didn’t know his user name etc!

I just want to be free on the sites without worry he’ll see me on there. I know its none of his business but I'd rather not even do it if it means he'll see me on there. Its my private business and I just don’t want him to know I’m trying to date again when the time comes.

Thanks for any responses.

OP posts:

UpEarly · 10/01/2022 11:52

Watching with interest as I’ve often wondered the same thing.

wishfuldreamer · 10/01/2022 12:06

honestly, i'm not sure how you would be able to do this on a standard app. I think probably the only way you could realistically do it, is if you were looking in different areas of the country, but if you're still both living in the same town/city, that probably wouldn't work, unless you searched outside it?

You could maybe use less 'popular' apps (OK Cupid maybe?) but no guarantees what he'd be using...

Maybejustmaybe2022 · 10/01/2022 12:21

Sounds like you need to have a conversation with your ex. Nice to be upfront sometimes.

Duxiejhrhrvjz · 10/01/2022 12:23

Hello! On Tinder you have the option to block anyone in your phone contacts if you still know his phone number.

Opentooffers · 10/01/2022 12:29

You could balance the likelihood of him doing paid sites or free to cut the chances maybe, but it wouldn't be foolproof. If you think he's more likely to do free sites try match or eHarmony - in fact on there you only get to see people who match with your personality type so if you had little in common, there might be less chance of him spotting you there even if he was on it.

LizzieLowe · 10/01/2022 12:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

wishfuldreamer · 10/01/2022 18:43

@Duxiejhrhrvjz

Hello! On Tinder you have the option to block anyone in your phone contacts if you still know his phone number.

ooo, i didn't know this! handy info, thanks :D

ABitOfAShitShow · 10/01/2022 18:51

I think Tinder is the only one where you can proactively block contacts. On bumble you can ‘hide’ a particular person when their profile comes up and it’ll stop you seeing each other in the future but it could be too late, obviously. Hinge has a ‘remove’ option which may be like the bumble one - or it could just ‘left swipe’ them. It’s unclear.

sassbott · 10/01/2022 19:04

Most apps will only allow a block function if you see their profile. It’s the peril of dating apps tbh. You can get profiles of colleagues, clients, patients friends, exes…exes of friends (awkward if they swipe on you)…

Either you’re ok with that or you’re not. From recollection hinge as PP said has some sort of function, but that entails allowing a dating app to access all your contacts. I personally would NOT be ok with that.

Keepitonthedownlow · 10/01/2022 19:07

Tinder is the only one I know of.

Ancientdreams · 10/01/2022 19:12

On PoF you can create a profile without a photo so you can have a look and see if he is on there without him knowing. I do this with several exes! I know the pattern with one ex. and when he is likely to be on/off. You probably can’t avoid him totally if he you want a chance of meeting someone as it would be a bit daft to keep taking your photo off and on.

DustyGrapevine · 10/01/2022 23:06

Tinder has an option that's something like: "Only show me to people I've liked".

updownroundandround · 11/01/2022 07:08

Maybe you could post a fake picture initially until you've searched the site for your Ex (obviously just don't put a photo in any that don't insist on one) ?

I wouldn't help if he joined the site later, but it could help when trying new sites initially.

Better yet, learn to not care whether he sees you on a site or not. Why on earth should you care whether he sees you ? He certainly won't give a toss if you see him, will he ?

rosyvalentine · 11/01/2022 09:45

From recollection, you can hide your profile on POF so that only people you've liked can see it. I think it may be a Premium function though so there is a membership charge involved. You can do similar on Match.com - it's called Go Incognito and costs about a tenner per month. Good luck!

Themodeltho · 05/07/2024 19:59

Hi OP if you’re around just wondering how it went?

SensualDecay · 05/07/2024 22:00

I think Bumble has the only show me people I've liked function too. It's a paid add on.

It's definitely possible because there was a Starbucks near my work that caused a weird glitch on the app and whenever I went on it there I'd see a whole string of my male colleagues who must have blocked me. They never even showed up when I was swiping in the bathrooms at work so it wasn't a location thing. Very strange.

This makes me sound like a man repeller. 😂

Otherwise, you need to sit up when he's likely asleep and swipe as many men as possible so you can hopefully find him and block him. This is what I tried to do with my situationship but I never saw him on the app, except for in that glitchy Starbucks.

Or, add to your bio, FUCK OFF DAVE

(or whatever his name is)

Themodeltho · 05/07/2024 22:13

Only ask because like the OP I am interested in testing the water but would be mortified to think that ex sees me on it. I know he’s putting a lot of work in! However this post is ancient so I just wondered if OP had managed a workaround and if it was successful.

Themodeltho · 05/07/2024 22:17

I know this is getting stalky but I can see OP is still active so @Lanesdown if you're about do pop back with advice. 😊

retinolalcohol · 05/07/2024 22:18

@Themodeltho do you still have his number? If so, you can block contacts you have on your phone via tinder

retinolalcohol · 05/07/2024 22:19

And hinge. Not 100% on the others as I don't use them, but I bet you can!

Themodeltho · 05/07/2024 22:32

Thank you @retinolalcohol . Do you use those platforms then? No clue where to start. I always thought tinder was more hook up? Might be too casual for me.

retinolalcohol · 05/07/2024 22:35

@Themodeltho honestly I've found that nearly everyone who's on dating apps is on most/all of them - so the seedy people from tinder will also likely be on hinge, bumble, POF, whatever you can think of.

I use hinge and tinder, and prefer tinder. I don't do casual either and have had a fair amount of luck

ElleintheWoods · 05/07/2024 22:51

On Hinge you can block using phone number/email.

Original poster

Lanesdown · 06/07/2024 08:03

Themodeltho · 05/07/2024 19:59

Hi OP if you’re around just wondering how it went?

Hi, I am still around!!! I went with tinder initially because I could block my contacts, so I blocked him. I didn't run into him on there. Just need patience on there as I wasn't looking for a hookup.

Now he's in yet another relationship so when I do go back on the sites I'm a little less worried about seeing him because surely he would do it again ... would he haha (that is be in a relationship and also be on sites!!).

OP posts:

Themodeltho · 06/07/2024 22:18

Hi @Lanesdown thank you for responding! Have you had much luck with the guys you have met?

Flip

1 2