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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

If a man said this to you....

35 replies

mickeymousey · 09/01/2022 19:59

What would you feel or
Think?
'I am much more attracted to you since
You lost your excess weight' which now means that the person is within normal bmi instead of two stone overweight?
It wasn't said to me but is it a fair comment ?

OP posts:

TheCreamCaker · 09/01/2022 20:01

I'd say "Thanks for that. I'd be much more attracted to you if your I.Q. was higher"

Original poster

mickeymousey · 09/01/2022 20:01

Would you dump him?

OP posts:

Comedycook · 09/01/2022 20:05

It's a shit way of phrasing it. Simply saying you look great would have been enough. It's poorly worded to make you feel grateful for his approval. I'd dump!

Wontgoquietly · 09/01/2022 20:06

This sounds to me like he was trying to give (albeit a very poor way of doing so) a compliment. Surely its no different to someone saying "you look great, have you lost weight?"

New aren't as sensitive with the language they use as us ladies I'm afraid. I doubt it was said with any malice.

RedCandyApple · 09/01/2022 20:07

Well men (and women) are generally less attracted to over weight people that’s a fact, I remember when I lost loads of weight my (now ex) partner said “you’re getting back to your best” I didn’t get offended

Wontgoquietly · 09/01/2022 20:07

New =men. Sorry typo

CheshireKitten123 · 09/01/2022 20:10

I think it's what you call a 'back-handed compliment. Not nice.

A good response would be "thanks for your interest, I'd be more attracted to you if you could make make your dick bigger"

Then walk off.

Flush and move on.

Ohyesiam · 09/01/2022 20:12

@Wontgoquietly

This sounds to me like he was trying to give (albeit a very poor way of doing so) a compliment. Surely its no different to someone saying "you look great, have you lost weight?"

New aren't as sensitive with the language they use as us ladies I'm afraid. I doubt it was said with any malice.

But it isn’t quite the same is it? To say you are “ more attracted” means that the weight loss has a bearing on how you relate to them. Which is a bit dodgy.

freelions · 09/01/2022 20:14

Very badly worded

OK to say 'you look fantastic/sexy/whatever' (assuming it's an intimate partner and not a random friend! ) but no need to add the bit about 'much better better than when you were 2 stone overweight'

scoobydoo1971 · 09/01/2022 20:21

Years ago I was obese. It was due to metabolic failure. I got treatment and lost weight. I am now slim build. Same person as fatter me. A former boyfriend said once that he wouldn't fancy me if I was overweight, and would be 'off like a rocket' if that happened. He is an ex for many reasons, including that comment. If you are in a serious relationship you are attracted to the person, and not just how they look. It is a very unattractive, unintelligent, vacuous thing to say. You might think it, but to actually be so emotionally unintelligent to admit it is a red flag.

LuckyWithMyLot · 09/01/2022 20:25

I appreciate honesty in a relationship and, as long as this was said in kindness and in good faith, it wouldn't personally upset me.

Original poster

mickeymousey · 09/01/2022 20:25

I agree about the emotionally unintelligent comment. It would turn me right off a man.
I also understand that one may think it but the way the thought is delivered is important.

OP posts:

Cakecakecheese · 09/01/2022 20:27

What a weird way of saying it.

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2022 20:30

How did the conversation come about?

I think context is important.

starsinthegutter · 09/01/2022 20:36

Yes, I'd dump him because what happens when one inevitably puts the weight back on? It doesn't bode very well.

ComtesseDeSpair · 09/01/2022 20:37

What’s the context? Who are these people to each other? If it was in response to one partner or interest asking the other if they think or thought they needed to lose weight, it’s a fair response: don’t ask questions you don’t want to hear the answer to. If it was just an unprompted remark, it’s tactless and needn’t have been said at all or at best could have been phrased much better.

DatingDinosaur · 09/01/2022 21:03

I’d feel insulted. I’d think “tosser”. I’d say “Thank you. I’m a lot less attracted to you now I’ve discovered you’re an opinionated gobshite”

Is it a fair comment? Hard NO.

Original poster

mickeymousey · 09/01/2022 21:12

Context was that his partner had recently lost weight and he was admiring her before going for dinner and said this. She has also said that he can't keep his hands off her lately.

OP posts:

TrenchArse · 09/01/2022 21:14

I don’t think there is anything wrong with someone saying they are physically attracted more to someone when they are a healthy weight. Especially if that person has put in the work to lose the weight so clearly feels more comfortable themselves that way too.

snapfishjelliedeels · 09/01/2022 21:14

It's probably truth but also quite hurtful. There are much better ways at expressing this.

Iwonder08 · 09/01/2022 21:15

It is one of these things that people are allowed to think but can't say out loud for many reasons.

Alwayswonderedwhy · 09/01/2022 21:17

I wouldn't have an issue with it but I'm very matter if fact and prefer honesty.

WorraLiberty · 09/01/2022 21:19

@mickeymousey

Context was that his partner had recently lost weight and he was admiring her before going for dinner and said this. She has also said that he can't keep his hands off her lately.

I'm willing to bet there's a small part of her that agrees she looks more attractive, and therefore probably feels it too.

On the other hand, he should've just complimented her without mentioning the weight loss.

But on the other hand again (because yes, I've got 3 hands ), some people get the raving hump if they've lost weight and no-one mentions it.

Kshhuxnxk · 09/01/2022 21:20

I wouldn't have an issue with this at all.

Natty13 · 09/01/2022 21:31

My DH said similar to me after I lost a stone. It didn't bother me in the slightest tbh but, also, whoever you know who had it said that to them isn't wrong if they are upset by it. How you feel is how you feel.

In my case I put on the weight when I was being bullied at work, not sleeping, not exercising and not looking after myself because I didn't know how. I know that what he first found attractive about me was my drive, energy and resilience (as well as my slamming body from training 5 nights a week lol) so it wasn't just the fact I was thinner that made me more attractive to him again.

I also think it didn't bother me when he said it because he was my biggest support through my depression and my biggest cheerleader when I decided to get my life back again - he really took on about 80% of the housework and childcare so I could go to the gym and spend countless hours on the sofa staring into space gearing myself up to go so he can say what he wants lol.

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