Am I overthinking selfie requests?

[Taylorsversion]

I’ve just started talking to someone from a dating site for a couple of days- although we’ve moved offsite to chat. He sends a lot of photos & keeps asking me for selfies. Not nudes - just general pictures. Tonight he asked after sending 3 of his, and I said not tonight. He then kept making jokes about wanting to be cheered up, and then asked outright again twice.

I didn’t send one. I thought about doing it to make it easier, but it felt like he was testing by pushing at a boundary I’d put down? I’m not sure if I’m overreacting/overthinking things and maybe this is quite normal?
I came out of a long term relationship last year and we’d maybe send a pic if we were somewhere interesting, but that was it.
Thanks!

Nope.

I did years of online dating and this kind of relentless shit really got to me. At best, he's a nuisance and a pest. At worst, it's going to escalate quickly to him asking for more (nudes etc) it's why they like you to get off the site to chat asap.

The photos wouldnt bother me, however the "joke" he subsequently made trying to guilt you into sending him pictures after you'd already said, and then going on to outright ask twice more after you'd said no would be the end of the line for me. That's a definite push against your boundaries.

I read on here once to say 'no' early on about something pretty innocuous as it tells you a lot about the person. This is as good an example as any. You've set a boundary (I hate selfies, so I'd be the same!) and he's pushing it. This gives you an insight that he ignores you saying no and think nagging and guilting will mean you eventually back down.

@RainbowZebraWarrior

Thanks for reply. It is tiresome. And it’s only been two days. Think I might say goodbye to him!

@Sparklfairy @Atmywitsend29on

It is good to see his response to ‘no’ early on. And see the ‘ooh poor me no selfie’ attitude. He seems a nice guy in other ways , but not for me I think.

Good decision, you've said no a couple of times and he's carried on pestering you , pestering for anything is irritating at best and not taking no for an answer is a hundred times worse.

No you're not over reacting, it's too time consuming to put all that effort into one man you haven't yet met, I don't like it either, I think it's controlling of them to keep requesting pictures, like it's your free job to send endless pictures rather being made to feel your someone they want to get to know.

It's a red flag if he's sending loads.

It's because he wants to know the pics you've got on your dating profile are representative of what you actually look like i.e. they aren't years old, 4 stone ago, filtered to high heaven. He's just too afraid to tell you that.

Some women (in my experience) are very good at having photos on their dating profile which are a million miles away from how they actually look in real life. I expect he's been caught out a few times. Call it shallow or whatever but I've had it as well. Guys with a full head of hair in their profile pics but completely bald when you meet them for a coffee, and I don't mean shaved. Actually bald. Pics are years out of date. I like men with hair, that won't change.

Send some of your feet in boots. Or your arm.
When I first met now dh I mentioned I was off in the bath. He asked for pics. I sent one of the taps. He never asked again. OK to ask I guess. Very wrong to pressure or assume. Or worse to nag as in your situation op..

He’s sending you his to build up trust and try and break down your boundaries.

If you don’t want to and say no then his response to that no is very telling.

I’d send a couple after a day or so, he’s probably checking you are who you say you are and he’s not being catfished. From his point of view you might be dodgy.
A friend of mine had 2 looong video calls with a new man , when he turned up he was easily twenty years older and a different race!

He has gone overboard, but as others have said he is probably checking that the photos on your profile are recent. But he could just be honest and ask instead-the only people who get offended are people who’s photos don’t truly represent what they look like.

@Crimeismymiddlename

He has gone overboard, but as others have said he is probably checking that the photos on your profile are recent. But he could just be honest and ask instead-the only people who get offended are people who’s photos don’t truly represent what they look like.

I agree with this, there has to be an element of trust from you that not everyone on dating apps is a massive arsehole and I think a lot of women don't look like their photos in real life (from what men have told me) and so just a reassuring quick snap is ok to confirm your identity.

I 100% would never ever ever send anyone a sexy or nude pic.

I suppose you could send one selfie and see if that satisfies him, if he keeps on asking afterwards then I'd dump him.

Sorry for delay replying - Just seen I had more replies! Didn't get a notification.

I did send him photos every other time he asked, so he has seen I'm who I say I am. I didn't mind doing that because as people have said, I may have been someone else.

It's just the repeated requests for one to 'cheer him up'. It also made me wonder - if he wants photos all the time after two days, what will he want if we started dating? To fit me with a Go-Pro?!

Oh well if he's still asking if dump him

• I'd

Well that’s different op, he sounds needy , go pro😁

You're uncomfortable, just block him.

Too many guys like this sadly - it's a control thing?

You haven't even met It doesn't mean he "likes you" or even that you'll meet or that he's trying to build a collection, his phone probably has a collection of photos from lots of women he is asking.

GO TOUCH YOUR TOES EVERYONE READING THIS THREAD.
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I assume no-one did this, as I'm a complete stranger to you so wtf? Same with guys online.

I've sometimes sent one or two selfies (not if they've asked for it) just if they're commuting from a distance for a first meet, and "subtly" show it's recent/immediate. But apart from that not on request.

*connection not collection

but it felt like he was testing by pushing at a boundary I’d put down?

Excellent twat-radar Taylors, well done!

Have a read of this. Looks like your Shark Cage is working :)
www.oomm.live/the-shark-cage-metaphor-spotting-potential-abusers/

Definitely bin this one. It's not normal and he's waving a red flag here.

He then kept making jokes about wanting to be cheered up, and then asked outright again twice.

FFS. You haven't even met him yet, & he believes it's your job to cheer him up?

LOVED @ReturnOfTheBunk's barked instructions about touching our toes.
Great way to highlight the stonking entitlement of men who believe women owe them attention & compliance :)

He sounds tedious. I also don't get this incessant messaging. You can't get to know someone that way. Either have an actual phone conversation or meet for a coffee to see if you like each other. Otherwise you're just using each other for ego massaging.