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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Im not cleaning it…

57 replies

Longhotbath1 · 08/01/2022 19:39

I know this is super petty-
Dh threw a cushion at dd face- she wasn’t best impressed.

He took her bowl off her to take out ceral as she had finished, i said to her throw it back, so she did and the bowl went flying the cushion that is,
Milk all over the floor.
No he saying im not cleaning that, you come on clean it up.
Let see how long its there grrr

OP posts:
EmmasMum12 · 09/01/2022 08:59

Poor husband. Your fault. You should have cleaned it up.

canyoutoleratethis · 09/01/2022 09:00

@MrsTerryPratchett

Are you all 5?
Grin
BananaBlue · 09/01/2022 09:14

@stingofthebutterfly you think it’s ok to be throwing objects at kids?

Are you happy for a 5 year old to practice what they’ve been taught, and Chuck one at you?

The other questions - I just wondered if the OP was starting with a small (in her eyes) scenario for help with bigger issues - that’s not unusual.

Seems a bit OTT to make a thread about cleaning spilled milk if that’s the only concern.

spotcheck · 09/01/2022 09:14

Why did he throw the cushion? Was he angry? Did he hurt her?

I'm not sure how healthy it is to encourage her to retaliate

mistermagpie · 09/01/2022 09:19

Why are you all throwing things at each other? That's the bigger problem than the milk.

Also, personally I don't think it's a great idea to teach your child to retaliate like that. I know some will disagree, but someone throws something at her at school then she could end up in trouble herself if her only way to deal with things is by throwing stuff back.

KiloWhat · 09/01/2022 09:22

@mistermagpie

Why are you all throwing things at each other? That's the bigger problem than the milk.

Also, personally I don't think it's a great idea to teach your child to retaliate like that. I know some will disagree, but someone throws something at her at school then she could end up in trouble herself if her only way to deal with things is by throwing stuff back.

Exactly. It will end up in detentions and exclusions at school. First a cushion, what next? A brick?
Hrpuffnstuff1 · 09/01/2022 10:19

Hahaha, cushion and pillow fights are fun.
We had 5 kids whacking each other over the Xmas period.

I didn't know pillow fights are a gateway to violent teenagers.Grin

Original poster
Longhotbath1 · 09/01/2022 10:20

So we should just accept stuff like this
He does it a lot and i don’t like it, she dont like it. Ive spoke about it and he just thinks its funny/ playful banter type.
Would anyone one here enjoy this?
Speaking doesn’t work do i make my daughter feel like it doesn’t matter she has to put up with it?

OP posts:
PonyPatter44 · 09/01/2022 10:21

Pillow fights are not the same thing as throwing cushions at each other while eating !

Burnamer · 09/01/2022 10:25

If he’s doing things like this a lot and won’t listen then you have bigger issues than the milk.
No it’s not ok for him to do it but neither is it going to help your daughter long term to learn to go tit for tat with him.
I wouldn’t put up with my DH treating my pets like this, much less a child. If this is what he is like all the time then I would leave. If it was a one off then just move on.

KiloWhat · 09/01/2022 10:40

@Longhotbath1

So we should just accept stuff like this He does it a lot and i don’t like it, she dont like it. Ive spoke about it and he just thinks its funny/ playful banter type. Would anyone one here enjoy this? Speaking doesn’t work do i make my daughter feel like it doesn’t matter she has to put up with it?
No if he is bullying her and picking on her he needs to grow up.
TrishM80 · 09/01/2022 11:04

No use crying over it.....

velvetvixen · 09/01/2022 11:05

He's a repeat offender, your DD doesn't like it, so therefore he's bullying your 5 year old DD under the guise of being 'playful'.

RantyAunty · 09/01/2022 11:10

He threw it at her while she was still holding her bowl?

You've spoken to him about it and he ignores you.

Time to give him consequences.
Get angry with him telling him you've told him multiple times it isn't funny and nobody likes it and to stop it.

He does it again. He can sleep on the sofa.

TrishM80 · 09/01/2022 11:11

@RantyAunty

He threw it at her while she was still holding her bowl?

You've spoken to him about it and he ignores you.

Time to give him consequences.
Get angry with him telling him you've told him multiple times it isn't funny and nobody likes it and to stop it.

He does it again. He can sleep on the sofa.

Nah, the kid threw it at him when he was holding the bowl, at the mother's instigation.
totallyoutnumbered · 09/01/2022 11:11

@DefyingSanity

This is one of those stories that will be up there with the greats...Romeo&Juliet, Pride and Prejudice...

Thank you for sharing this story with us.

Brilliant
DatingDinosaur · 09/01/2022 11:15

my daughter she was upset so i told her to do it back rather than let him get away with it

Why did you not comfort your daughter when she was upset?

He does it a lot and i don’t like it, she dont like it. Ive spoke about it and he just thinks its funny/ playful banter type.

You spoke to him separately about his inappropriate behaviour. He deflects, plays it down and turns it round as you making a big deal over nothing.

All your daughter is learning from this is that her feelings don’t matter and that aggression is the way to handle upset and unhappiness.

Please don’t encourage a fight fire with fire attitude.

FocacciaFingerer · 09/01/2022 11:16

LTB

WeWashEverythingExceptLaundry · 09/01/2022 11:23

So he's bullying a 5yo, and when he's told to stop because she doesn't like it, he resorts to the bully's retort of 'can't take a joke'.

Nobody, least of all a child, needs this in their own home.

Serious talk time. He stops or the relationship is over. If this is the only issue and he is otherwise sensible and capable of self-reflection, he will stop. If he's an overall twat (likely, sadly), it's probably not in your daghter's interests for you to remain in the relationship.

KloppsTeeth · 09/01/2022 11:28

Good grief.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 09/01/2022 12:54

@Longhotbath1

So we should just accept stuff like this He does it a lot and i don’t like it, she dont like it. Ive spoke about it and he just thinks its funny/ playful banter type. Would anyone one here enjoy this? Speaking doesn’t work do i make my daughter feel like it doesn’t matter she has to put up with it?
My kids( Girls) are always fighting, rough play. We had 3 boys around at Xmas really exuberant with the play too. I do realize some children are not hands-on in this way, neither are the parents. My ex-wife was surprised as she didn't participate in rough play.
merryhouse · 09/01/2022 14:32

Pillow fights are not fun. Pillow fights are bloody irritating. My sympathies are entirely with the 5yo.

RantyAunty · 09/01/2022 15:31

@TrishM80

I was talking about OPs first sentence when her DH threw the pillow first.

Hrpuffnstuff1 · 09/01/2022 16:08

@merryhouse

Pillow fights are not fun. Pillow fights are bloody irritating. My sympathies are entirely with the 5yo.
Give over.🤣🤣

Great fun can be had picking a giant cushion up and throwing it at someone's head. Although it does need supervision, someone might sneak a brick in.🤣🤣

ChargingBuck · 09/01/2022 16:18

@Longhotbath1

So we should just accept stuff like this He does it a lot and i don’t like it, she dont like it. Ive spoke about it and he just thinks its funny/ playful banter type. Would anyone one here enjoy this? Speaking doesn’t work do i make my daughter feel like it doesn’t matter she has to put up with it?
It's not funny. Your DD doesn't like it. And yet he persists ...

Have a think about what this is teaching her about consent.
About what women 'ought' to have to put up with from men.

Tell him one more time that unless he improves his behaviour & stops bullying your child, that you will be taking steps to ensure she no longer has to live with him full time.

Oh! - & to all the PP who focused so piously on who is right or wrong over Milkgate - have a bloody word with yourselves. This little kid is being bullied by her own father, in the guise of 'teasing' & 'bants'.
She is 5 years old FFS.

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