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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Men liking other women's pictures

33 replies

Mumofboys86 · 07/01/2022 11:09

We all know men look at other women and its normal .. but if your partner knows you have big insecurities about your body ( after having children) especially my boobs (desperately want a breast enlargement to make me feel more confident in the bedroom) he always likes provocative pics of other women with big boobs and even though he knows how disgusting it makes me feel. Couldn't care if it was celebs etc.. its getting to a point where I actually think he has a problem, he follows thousands of model/only fans girls on Instagram. I would never tell him to delete them but I just don't understand why someone would have them on there when they know it makes their partner feel so crap. Nearly two years we been together both in our 30s. Just feel like I'm not good enough. Especially when an ex of his was a glamour model. Cant keep feeling like this

OP posts:
BurbageBrook · 07/01/2022 11:16

He’s a slimeball and a creep. It’s deeply disrespectful. Why are you with this specimen?

Malibu19880 · 07/01/2022 12:31

This is not something I would tolerate in my relationship. It’s disrespectful.
We all have our own boundaries, you don’t have to put up with it. Have you told him how this makes you feel?

Original poster
Mumofboys86 · 07/01/2022 12:43

@Malibu19880

This is not something I would tolerate in my relationship. It’s disrespectful. We all have our own boundaries, you don’t have to put up with it. Have you told him how this makes you feel?
Yes he knows how it makes me feel I tell him it makes me feel inadequate and like I'm not enough and all he says is he loves me and only wants me he finds me attractive , wouldn't be with me if he proffered someone like that etc..
OP posts:
Etinoxaurus · 07/01/2022 12:46

From the time line I wondering whether you have kids with him?
If you don’t there is nothing tying you to him and you’re free to ditch the sleazeball. If you do leave him anyway but commiseration that you’re going to have to coparent with him.
Boundaries and standards!

Original poster
Mumofboys86 · 07/01/2022 13:01

No we don't have children together yet. I just worry It's me acting crazy. I know its not his problem that I have insecurities but just feels like he fuels them

OP posts:
Bowwowwowoh · 07/01/2022 13:04

He sounds like a little boy.

letmeeatcrisps · 07/01/2022 13:10

Bless you OP this is very common sadly and a lot of men do not realise the damage it does to their partners, feeling like they have to live up to unreal beauty standards. All I can say is you are not alone, and many women are going through the same pain. I never used to “mind”, it didn’t bother me at all that my Dp looked at pics of other women but it became an intolerable boundary for me - after I had his kids, and an episode of him kicking off when I wore something “revealing”, I told him no more. I’m aware that he still does it. Hell, you can’t walk through an airport without seeing a bunch of soft core porn adverts.
Just remember, it’s his problem not yours. You’re a real and beautiful woman who deserves “likes” and compliments from your partner. I think more men are addicted to “soft” porn than people are willing to admit. Wishing u the best x

Echobelly · 07/01/2022 13:13

A bloke liking the odd'babe' picture he sees online through his connections wouldn't be an issue, but deliberately following lots of model types is a bit grim and pretty disrespectful, especially as you've said you don't like it.

Thatsplentyjack · 07/01/2022 13:13

Creep. Why are you with someone that makes yoh feel like you need a bomb job to be comfortable having sex with him?

AnyFucker · 07/01/2022 13:21

Why are you with a man like this ?

Original poster
Mumofboys86 · 07/01/2022 13:25

@Thatsplentyjack

Creep. Why are you with someone that makes yoh feel like you need a bomb job to be comfortable having sex with him?
He doesn't make me feel like I need one i want one for my own confidence even before I met him I suppose with him liking pictures and following women with big breasts and used to be with a page 3 girl kinda makes me feel even worse
OP posts:
Original poster
Mumofboys86 · 07/01/2022 13:27

@letmeeatcrisps

Bless you OP this is very common sadly and a lot of men do not realise the damage it does to their partners, feeling like they have to live up to unreal beauty standards. All I can say is you are not alone, and many women are going through the same pain. I never used to “mind”, it didn’t bother me at all that my Dp looked at pics of other women but it became an intolerable boundary for me - after I had his kids, and an episode of him kicking off when I wore something “revealing”, I told him no more. I’m aware that he still does it. Hell, you can’t walk through an airport without seeing a bunch of soft core porn adverts. Just remember, it’s his problem not yours. You’re a real and beautiful woman who deserves “likes” and compliments from your partner. I think more men are addicted to “soft” porn than people are willing to admit. Wishing u the best x
It is very common unfortunately it's always in your face now with social media and feeling like you aren't good enough. Quite a sad world we live in. Thank you for your support
OP posts:
CiderJolly · 07/01/2022 13:28

Honestly, life is just too short, I also take it you have kids already that aren’t his? Why bother? He is a shit role model for your boys, he is making you miserable. Are you really this desperate? Focus on yourself and your kids and lose the excess baggage.

StopStartStop · 07/01/2022 13:28

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DeclareThePenniesOnYourEyes · 07/01/2022 13:34

Everything else aside, I would find this so unattractive because it’s so immature. I teach 14yr old boys who behave like this, it’s a pretty pathetic look on them, let alone on a full grown man.

lunar1 · 07/01/2022 13:45

Liking pictures of other women mostly wouldn't bother me, but honestly your DP sounds extreme and a bit creepy.

Life is too short to have someone in your life who makes you feel this way about yourself. You have no children together so there is no added pressure to stay with him.

Mama234567 · 07/01/2022 23:56

"Sorry but I don't feel like having sex/wearing sexy underwear for you because I've seen the pictures that you like online and it makes me insecure"

He will soon stop!

Etinoxaurus · 08/01/2022 10:07

@Mumofboys86

No we don't have children together yet. I just worry It's me acting crazy. I know its not his problem that I have insecurities but just feels like he fuels them
This is not a man to breed with. Run away.
Jingers5 · 08/01/2022 10:12

You may probably feel more insecure after having kids with this guy due to pregnancy changes- he would give me the creeps tbh. He sounds very immature.

MoonbeamsGlittering · 08/01/2022 10:35

If you are going to stay with him, and if he's not going to stop, maybe he could at least stop looking at them in front of you? He might still look when he's just on his own, but do you think he would be willing to agree not to do it when you're there? (Maybe this wouldn't improve things enough anyway, but I just wondered if it might help a bit.)

CaMePlaitPas · 08/01/2022 10:46

Ugh what a turn off.

Original poster
Mumofboys86 · 08/01/2022 10:56

@MoonbeamsGlittering

If you are going to stay with him, and if he's not going to stop, maybe he could at least stop looking at them in front of you? He might still look when he's just on his own, but do you think he would be willing to agree not to do it when you're there? (Maybe this wouldn't improve things enough anyway, but I just wondered if it might help a bit.)
He doesn't do it in front of Me but I see it on social media, following thousands of profiles of women looking slutty with nothing on and knowing that I don't feel comfortable and we discussed it and how it makes me feel but it's like he can't seem to remove them. And then I see he will like provocative pics on fb of women he knows
OP posts:
Notbluepeter · 08/01/2022 11:15

You are still just in the early years of a relationship, these are often the best most thoughtful and loving years, and he has already chosen disregard your feelings.

FabulousMrFifty · 08/01/2022 11:46

You can’t really police what people do on social media, but you can tell how it makes you feel, also you can really tell him to remove them either that’s his choice.
But is it your choice to stay or not based on his response

backtolifebacktoreality · 08/01/2022 12:29

A few people have said it's very common now. It may be common to look online, but surely it's not common for a man in a committed relationship to be following all these women on Instagram?

He has no respect and it's very sleazy!