I'm in a relationship with Someone who was addicted to alcohol a couple of years back. He has been sober for 2 years and even the smell of alcohol in a hand rub etc makes him feel sick. He's not struggling with drink anymore at this stage. If he hadn't told me I wouldn't have been able to tell. He works and runs his house as normal.
He naturally found a friendship in me at first and after a year it became more. I guess you could say I was the first new person he met after stopping drink. He was working for my neighbour and was there 2 months and we just got talking. Realised we got on. So we swapped names and numbers and spent a year after as mates. I've seen emotional highs and lows in him particularly for the first 6 months. Then he sort of settled. He has been a little bit emotionally low over Christmas. There has been a couple of times he's struggled with his emotions and been harsh with words or panicked and blown something out of proportion. We have an agreement between us that I must tell him how he's handling things and if I notice he's not reacting in a healthy way he wants me talk to him.
Over November and December he was abit allover. We still enjoyed our relationship but I guess there were days I needed to leave him to it. He was moody and not easy to be around.
Last night he met up with a friend who's also recovered from substance abuse and that's why they met. He was singing my praises to this man and saying I've got him through so much and given him so much confidence back and that I was the only person he really felt he could talk to. He told me last night that he needs me for that so much. (It doesn't take up much of our relationship we have a good balance and I'm happy to talk to him) he once again said that if I noticed anything in him to always talk. So I decided to tell him I felt he was still processing alot of stuff. I don't think k he particularly realises he does it. But he mentions his previous relationship alot. She's still sticking in his head. He has gone through many stages of expressing hurt. Anger. Guilt. They made the mistake of trying to morph into a friendship after. Even though they only text I don't think its healthy for him. She does still voice her opinions and he even deleted a couple of women of his Facebook a few months back after she commented on them being in his friends list. His ex isn't on his Facebook and he blocked her a while back. But she will text his phone and ask how he is etc still. He seems very confused around her and over Christmas he was mentioning her alot but only to express things she did that he didn't like. Or the way she behaved. Sometimes he tries to guard their relationship and claim they never argued. Then he will slip up and say he never trusted her because she had 3 phones and was always on them.
I feel this is a massive area of his life he hasn't figured out. His trauma seems based around her still. A couple of weeks ago he told me he hated her for what she did to him but liked her because she helped him when he was giving up drink.
I am not sure how to help him through these feelings. It's not my job anyway. But when he mentions her I often feel myself going abit tense and I get confused myself. I don't know what exactly he is still processing with her and why it's so heavy for him still. He doesn't want to be with her again. He's made it clear to her he's with me and put her in her place when she said things about me.
Has anyone got any advice