Anyone just get so fed up with dating?

[billiebash]

Pointless moaning thread, but just putting it out there.

I have been single for 4 years now. A lot of that has been because I've needed to work on myself, and about 18m ago I'd say I had got to the point where i was happy in my own company, and in a position where a man would only add to my life and not be the be all. I'd like to think I'm still at that place but yet I'm still so fed up.

Every time I meet someone, I don't get excited, I keep my eyes open for red flags. I like to think I have the confidence to know that it isn't about me if a man treats me badly or disappears.

But it's just starting to grind me down. I look around at people I know and they're all in and out of relationships and I just don't understand why I'm never that big a deal to the men I meet that it never gets to that point. Almost like I'm the girl men love to message, date, meet with, but as soon as it could go the extra mile to anything more serious it's just not enough. I wish I knew why. I'm ok on my own, but it does get to me - it would be nice to have the option!

Just a bit of midnight overthinking after another setback. Sometimes it's nice to write it down and hear from anyone in a similar place. Apologies if my whinging has put you off your midnight snack 😂

Watching with interest, op.

Sorry you are feeling this way. Hope you meet someone lovely who wants to go the whole way with you.

I'm 6 years single.. Im 49. I was used to be dating people continually. A new years resolution was not to date in 2020. Obviously covid made that easier and seems it crept into the whole of 2021 too!
I don't understand why I've not met the man of my dreams yet. Apart from the fact that I'm really choosy.
So, there's been a pandemic, men have realised that they're ok by themselves too. Men have realised that a shag is easy by internet dating and you're not giving off those vibes. Plus there are so many other women out there.
In fairness, Im by myself, have Alexa blasting out my favourite tunes whilst eating a bag of cheesy balls... so life could be worse!

I feel totally the same. I am 49 and the men I have met seem to just want to be friends with benefits. I was single for a long time but the past 3 men I have met just seem to have fizzled out after a few months. I never get to the stage of a proper relationship and it is not doing my self worth any good! I look around and my friends and sister have long established loving relationships.
I am going to go it alone now

My people. Also 49. Dated three lovely blokes. 10/12 weeks in it fizzled out.

I don't know the answers. It seems I'm good fun and ok for a bunk up but when I ask if this could get more serious I'm not that girl.

I guess there is a cohort of people who don't want to commit but happy to string you a long for a few months so as not to look flakey.

I'm 39, and find the same. I get lots of dates and interest but they all want sex, FWB or similar and wont commit, or the ones that could be relationships too many red flags.

Who knows?

It could be that they're not that serious about having a longterm relationship. That doesn't mean they're only looking for sex, but they might be quite happy being single most of time, are very self sufficient emotionally and otherwise, and only go out dating on the occassion when they feel lonely or fancy some chemistry.

Yes OP! could have written a lot of that! I've had some short term things that have either gone tits up or have not worked out due to some logistical or other distance. I'm slowly thinking I may be actually seeking out those who come with a distance of some sort and am actually a lot more avoidant than I've ever realised. Could there be a pattern with the men you're interested in that makes things harder (if that makes sense)?

I think most men have come out of long term relationships, go online and feel like kids in a sweet shop.
l refuse to participate, such a waste of time and money.
Ok if you are just looking for casual, but no good if you are wanting a meaningful relationship.
Become your very own happy ever after, and if you do meet someone thats a plus.

Men have discovered that a shag is easy by internet dating

Actually the data says this is anything but true - quite the opposite! The majority of men struggle to get a single date let alone sex on tap, mainly, from what I understand, because women are inundated with offers so it’s hard to stand out.

What’s truer (according to the data from dating sites) is that a handful of men judged as the most desirable or who use unscrupulous methods (lovebombing, etc) have discovered a shag is easy by internet dating.

If you’ve got a lot of aspirational qualities that people want in a partner then, yes, you’ll be bombarded with offers or at least be given a chance to prove yourself on a date - the same as it is with women with aspirational qualities, I guess. The difference is, these aspirational men will more likely treat the dating pool as a personal harem, whereas the women will be more interested in a proper relationship, by and large.

But honestly, whilst it might be the case many men would use it as a way to get easy shags, most never get the chance.

@B1rdflyinghigh

I'm 6 years single.. Im 49. I was used to be dating people continually. A new years resolution was not to date in 2020. Obviously covid made that easier and seems it crept into the whole of 2021 too! I don't understand why I've not met the man of my dreams yet. Apart from the fact that I'm really choosy. So, there's been a pandemic, men have realised that they're ok by themselves too. Men have realised that a shag is easy by internet dating and you're not giving off those vibes. Plus there are so many other women out there. In fairness, Im by myself, have Alexa blasting out my favourite tunes whilst eating a bag of cheesy balls... so life could be worse!

I think there is some element of truth in this, I’m about the same age, have been single for a while, and pretty much given up on dating now as I have been okay by myself during Covid etc

Feel exactly the same op. Been feeling so down about it today, I just don't know what to do

OMG I could also have written this. 52 separated 9 years. Did start out dating by choosing the wrong guys as I knew it wouldn't work and that was safe.
I can't tell you how many dates I have been on omg! I want to send out an excel sheet in advance with my questions

1. Do you live your mum and will this change anytime soon ?

I am on two pages now !

I hear you OP...am 49 and could have written your post word for word. Watching with interest.

Same here.
I actually wouldn't mind a decent FWB but I think the competition for the good/ok looking guys online is fierce - some great women out there and I obviously don't stand out

Know the feeling OP.

I tried Tinder for the first time recently. Dated a guy for 2 months before breaking it off. Enjoyed his company and he was the most beautiful man I'd been with physically - but he was very self absorbed. Noticing he had uploaded new photos to Tinder also inspired me to dump.

Men do have this sweet shop mentality. I deleted Tinder and right now just being single. Feel better since getting rid of it and hoping I will at some point meet someone in person.

Don't give up .

I nearly did . I'd been online for 2 years and had about 15 pointless dates .

On NYE this year I met an online date - all happened ridiculously fast .

He was smitten . I was smitten. Saw each other next day . Met up mid week this week - had the most amazing sex (I've not wanted to kiss anyone in 3 years let alone go to bed with them !). He's coming here next week . Were planning a weekend away . It's exciting and scary and exhilarating! It's women me up for the first time in a long time .
Keep chatting online - don't give
Up and do t arse around either- meet up fast . Worked for me

Oh and we established before meeting what our hopes were . If he'd said fwb, casual - I'd have said no thanks .
There are people out there looking for similar things. I'm 49 and he's 48 . I'm giddy !

It's not just you OP. I am 50 and feel exactly the same.

So I've written off any dating or meeting anyone. It's not good for my mental health, it was okay starting out, had some fun times, but the cons outweigh the pros massively.

In my mind I will be single forever. I just could not be bothered with it all anymore.

Exactly the same here. 52. Single for the best part of 9 years. I date but never seems to go beyond the few months mark. The latest one I really liked but he was completely emotionally unavailable and that has messed with my head as now I actually believe I am undateable and unlovable. I'm back on the apps but my heart just isn't in it anymore.

Same for me op and I have also had enough of it .

Come and join us on the dating thread where we moan,laugh, cry and supoort each other.
We're a varied bunch of non-daters, daters, newly in relationships and a few in longer relationships but still hanging about the thread.

I'm 53 & finished my last relationship a couple of months ago. Ive decided not to date again for my own sanity. Not sure if it's me, but I have 2 teenagers & I don't want a 3rd in the shape of a manchild
Now Ive made the decision I feel so much happier in myself. I have lots of things that I want to achieve this year. I think that I'm finally in a good headspace & happy with myself 🎉

As a guy I think it's really hard to standout. I had a chat to a previous iron who I met on POF and she said as soon as she popped up on line she would start getting random messages and had received hundreds of messages. So how did I stand out....she messaged me first 😂

First date with MsCycling tonight. We've talked on the phone a lot so will be lovely to finally meet up.

@Lucia23

Know the feeling OP.

I tried Tinder for the first time recently. Dated a guy for 2 months before breaking it off. Enjoyed his company and he was the most beautiful man I'd been with physically - but he was very self absorbed. Noticing he had uploaded new photos to Tinder also inspired me to dump.

Men do have this sweet shop mentality. I deleted Tinder and right now just being single. Feel better since getting rid of it and hoping I will at some point meet someone in person.

In fairness, you don’t think there might have been a correlation between the fact he was “the most beautiful man” and the “sweet shop mentality”?

Yes! 😓, 44 and don’t think it’s going to happen for me now. I’m reasonably attractive, good job, independent, not too strange.
I just find it unbelievable how people think it’s acceptable to talk to people on the internet - I try to stay open minded but I just end up getting the ick repeatedly with weirdos.
I balance my sadness by reading these boards of women in simply awful relationships - this fills me with gratitude. There is nothing lonelier than being in a bad relationship