BF falls asleep on couch every night.

[vitam]

We don't live together. We are together for the last five days and each evening , he falls asleep really early.
We've planned lovely evenings watching films, documentaries etc and he is asleep or dozing beside me.
Last night I got really cross as again he fell asleep 5 mins into a film at 8 pm. I told him that I may aswell be on my own.He felt bad and tried to stay awake but I just asked him to go to bed at that stage as he was cross that I wouldn't let it go.
He normally sleeps from 10-6.
No illness or health problems but very unfit.
WWYD . My exh did this exact thing every night and it was horribly lonely for years.

Is it always when he watches TV? My dh is incapable of watch tv/films without falling asleep. Doesn't matter what it is or how interesting he finds it, 15 minutes in he's snoring away. He can just about manage a whole football match as long as he sits uncomfortably at the kitchen table and talks about it. But even for football the comfy sofa is a nope.

Does he have a physical job?

Its really not his fault if he is falling asleep.

That’s 8hrs of sleep at a normal time. I’d find it hard to blame him tbh. I get that it’s annoying though

I bet my boyfriend could write this about me! We also don't live together so I'm used to dozing on the sofa on my own in the evenings, and it doesn't matter if I fall asleep when I'm here alone. When he's here, if we are cuddling up on the sofa nice and warm..my eyes just can't stay open no matter how hard I try. Maybe suggest watching more upbeat things? Playing games together? We love a good evening game of cards or something. I bet he's not doing it on purpose, some of us just can't help but doze when we are comfy and content!

I would tell him to stay at his own place and get a really early night one day in order to catch up on sleep he seems to need. That is maybe being hopeful, but it is the first thing I would try.

My ex did this. He did have a physical.job but you can't stay up late watching TV or playing computer games then moan your tired imo.

Its lonely. And it used to piss me off alot that as soon.as he sat down.hed be gone meaning I'd have to do all the clearing up.

He did it when I.was at work too meaning the.kids weren't getting fed til much later than usual.

They really do think.their but on the seat is enough. It doesn't get any better. Stop wasting your time.

10pm-6am? That's pretty normal on workdays for a lot of people.

Just saw it was 8pm. If he's tired that early, it's not his fault, but he should have stayed at home.

My husband does but he has sleep apnea. Despite the CPAP the habit of sleeping in his chair remained.

He has to make the effort or you have to accept it. Yes it's irritating.

Hmmm I do this. I really can’t help it. Dh just laughs at me and puts up with it. I know he must get lonely at times but I just need a lot of sleep. I don’t know what the answer is but getting cross with him won’t stop him doing it, if he’s like me he won’t be “choosing” to do it.

Could be be anaemic ? Does he have a physically exhausting job ? Is the room very warm? Is alcohol involved ?

I think if this was me , I'd just make the most of a few hrs earlier and do what we planned , if he's fallen asleep then I'd think he needs it ?

Then I'd watch all my crap that he'd probably not enjoy anyway

Could be be anaemic ? Does he have a physically exhausting job ? Is the room very warm? Is alcohol involved

Aaaah don't fall into the trap of trying to analyse why. We aren't everyone's mother. Partners don't exist to push eachother into doing things they should care enough about you to be doing for themselves. Like giving up drink or gaming or whatever when the results are impacting your family.

Honestly most the time it's just a reflection of how they think about you. That they can check.out any time and anything that needs doing you will just do.

Not his fault.

What does he think of his falling asleep habit? What does he think about the fact it makes you unhappy?

It's very different if he doesn't give a crap, or if he's really apologetic and struggling with it. Have you asked him when he wasn't on the brink of sleep?

My dh does this, so I normally just go upstairs and watch what I want on tv. You are right though, it is a lonely existence! He can watch a film at 10pm though!

If he's unfit (overweight?) Could he have undiagnosed sleep apnoea/pre diabetes which makes him tired all the time? I get why it's triggering for you but if he's up at 6am feeling tired by 8pm after a big carby evening meal might be a health issue? My DH had both sleep anoea and preDiabetes and both symptoms significantly improved after he lost weight.

To be fair getting up at 6am every day you're going to be pretty tired by the evening anyway. Maybe stop trying to fight the tide and get up at the same time then bring your movie watching forward to a time when one of you isn't already exhausted. Getting cross with him for being tired because he's up at the crack of dawn and naturally tired by the evening isn't the right way to focus on this really. You need to accept evenings aren't his time for being wide awake and look at doing things earlier.

XH used to do this- and snore with his head tipped back, mouth wide open....really attractive

When I told him (nicely, to start with) to just go to bed, I got a cringey "But I just want to be WIV YOUUUUU" (clearly thought it was cute. It wasn't).

He wasn't 'with me'. He was asleep. And worse, snoring so I couldn't hear the tv.

For me, it was just another added irritation that led to divorce. It is lonely, to sit there every evening essentially on your own. It also feels like they can't value your company that much if they can't even stay awake long enough to watch a film, even for just one evening.

I wonder- when you go to bed, having watched the film on your own while he sleeps- does he come to bed with you and expect to have sex? Cos that used to piss me off too...

I've had this argument with my boyfriend before. I totally get how you feel. It can be lonely and frustrating etc when you've been looking forward to quality time and then don't get to enjoy it cos they're sitting snoring their head off all evening. You also can't really get on with other the things the way you would if you were by yourself because you don't want to be a dick and potter about noisily!

We talked about it and he said he couldn't help it sometimes and I had a think and decided that it wasn't worth getting stressed about as he is a great boyfriend in all other ways. My needs are totally met by him in all other areas so it was unfair of me to be so punitive about the one annoying thing he does. But I can see how if there are other issues and you feel taken for granted and undervalued in other ways this could be the thing that sends you over the edge. Do you feel loved and appreciated the rest of the time, OP?

I also noticed that it happened very rarely in the spring/summer so I think it could possibly be something to do with the long dark nights in the winter messing up his body clock.

I sleep early. Anytime from 8:30. I need to.

My exH did this - demanding job on construction. I get it's hard work but I was left to do everything for 3 sometimes 4 (when step son was here) dcs while he was asleep on the sofa.

I used to just go to bed without him. I know how hard these jobs are - I get it. But so is my job. It was one of the many many reasons I left him.

Poor guy

I used to just go to bed without him. I know how hard these jobs are - I get it. But so is my job. It was one of the many many reasons I left him

Its the assumption that someone else would just do it that's the biggest issue.

I mean what if both just decided to sleep. Who'd wash up or take the bins out or walk the dog, prepare packed lunches.

And who is it that having me that choice I the evening knows that they then have to get up even earlier to do what didnt get done the nigh before..

Mine has always done this, particularly in the winter when its cold out and warm indoors. He's up at 5am & works outdoors. Once he is on the sofa in front of the log burner he's asleep.