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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I don’t think I want this anymore

32 replies

Peanutbuttermandms · 03/01/2022 19:57

OH.. I waited so long to meet someone, thought he was the one and his outbursts and his temper

Tonight just feels like it’s crystallised it in my mind that I have to go.

OP posts:
JennyForeigner · 03/01/2022 20:09

Trust your instincts. You don't need anyone's permission. You are fine. It is always ok to go, no matter what the reason is (and this sounds like a very good one). You don't owe him any explanation even, although you are free to offer one if you feel comfortable and safe doing so, and you don't know what the universe has in store around the corner for you. In the future you may look back at this moment as something you had to go through to work out what a healthy relationship is to you.

Best of luck.

Bananalanacake · 03/01/2022 20:09

Do you live together, it is easier to leave if you don't. I wish you well.

Original poster
Peanutbuttermandms · 03/01/2022 20:14

Thank you for your kind words. Live together but I’ve another place, fortunately.

I don’t get his outbursts and I just know they’re not ok. The car door blew open in the wind yesterday and I wasn’t able to grab it quickly enough, nor did I even have the strength.. and he went MAD at me, full blown lecture about me damaging the door and metal fatigue. It was clearly not intended and a freak accident. I ended up crying and a quivering mess whilst he proceeded to go on, and on and on about it, lecturing me away.. it’s not ok is it?

Today, I cleared away our Christmas Decs. Took me 4 hours. All tidied and organised and put in the attack. He couldn’t find something and went ballistic. Tipped upside down all the boxes id organised, smashed a decoration and bent over the last Christmas card my darling nana gave me 26 years ago. It’s all I have. I am devastated and it feels like the last straw.

He’s now giving ME the silent treatment.

OP posts:
Bagelsandbrie · 03/01/2022 20:16

Well he’s a massive arsehole.

Who needs that in their life?

You deserve better. Flowers

Original poster
Peanutbuttermandms · 03/01/2022 20:17

I feel like I’m walking on eggshells and his temper and anger are never justified. Always angry about people driving too slow, about me tidying up, about him always being right. I feel so much upset right now and I’m so confused between who I thought he was and the person he’s showing me - who he really is.

OP posts:
WannaBeCatLady · 03/01/2022 20:18

Think of how lovely it will be to never have to feel that feeling again.

He will probably cry, tell you he's sorry, he will get help, get more angry when you hold your ground, then sob and talk about suicide, then get angry again. But you don't deserve to be someone's emotional punchbag. You deserve happiness. Your happiness should not be misplaced to keep him happy.

Sidehustle99 · 03/01/2022 20:18

This is just a car door and Christmas decorations. Leave now before it's something more important or he hurts you. His behaviour is disproportionate and unnecessary. You don't need a reason Thanks

Original poster
Peanutbuttermandms · 03/01/2022 20:19

It’s making me crazy. I feel like in arguments I argue and shout back (I’m not a shouter) as I want to level him with his treatment of me, show him what it’s like. I realise how awful and toxic that sounds, that’s what I’ve become.

OP posts:
Original poster
Peanutbuttermandms · 03/01/2022 20:20

He punched the wall behind me once and justified it as ‘his release’. That was after shouting get the fuck out of the house in my face, that was scary.

OP posts:
Aardvarkitsabloodyaardvark · 03/01/2022 20:20

The card thing for me would be unforgivable. In different circumstances fair enough could be accidental.
Doing it in a temper, nope.

FangsForTheMemory · 03/01/2022 20:21

Don't get upset, get planning. How soon can you leave?

Wreath21 · 03/01/2022 20:21

He is an abusive arsehole, end the relationship as soon as you can. And be prepared to call the police or consult a solicitor if necessary - you owe him nothing.

maskedwoman · 03/01/2022 20:29

Make a plan and leave op. He will never get better. Be kind to yourself along the way but don't look back. You should not have to live like this. Thanks

WannaBeCatLady · 03/01/2022 20:30

Can you request a weeks leave, don't tell him, pack your shit and go to your house whilst he's at work? I'd leave him a note, block him and get gone.

If there's any financial ties then see a solicitor first.

strawberry2017 · 03/01/2022 20:31

Walk away and never look back.
Think of how amazing it will be to breathe again: if you have somewhere to go move your stuff out whilst he's at work and just go.

MoiraNotRuby · 03/01/2022 20:32

@WannaBeCatLady

Think of how lovely it will be to never have to feel that feeling again.

He will probably cry, tell you he's sorry, he will get help, get more angry when you hold your ground, then sob and talk about suicide, then get angry again. But you don't deserve to be someone's emotional punchbag. You deserve happiness. Your happiness should not be misplaced to keep him happy.

This 100%

Well done OP on realising you don't have to tolerate this.

ShouldersBackChestOutChinUp · 03/01/2022 20:34

Do you have a plan? Please be careful.

LiG123 · 03/01/2022 20:36

He doesn't sound nice at all, please be careful how you do it. His temper sounds scary.

Queenie6655 · 03/01/2022 20:40

What a total bast---

So so sorry

Tomorrow don't even explain to him
Get your stuff and be gone

Block him

Any hassle get police involved

Utter fcker

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 03/01/2022 20:45

He sounds vile.op.
Get out now xx

jamandmarmaladethesecondcoming · 03/01/2022 20:57

@Peanutbuttermandms

Thank you for your kind words. Live together but I’ve another place, fortunately.

I don’t get his outbursts and I just know they’re not ok. The car door blew open in the wind yesterday and I wasn’t able to grab it quickly enough, nor did I even have the strength.. and he went MAD at me, full blown lecture about me damaging the door and metal fatigue. It was clearly not intended and a freak accident. I ended up crying and a quivering mess whilst he proceeded to go on, and on and on about it, lecturing me away.. it’s not ok is it?

Today, I cleared away our Christmas Decs. Took me 4 hours. All tidied and organised and put in the attack. He couldn’t find something and went ballistic. Tipped upside down all the boxes id organised, smashed a decoration and bent over the last Christmas card my darling nana gave me 26 years ago. It’s all I have. I am devastated and it feels like the last straw.

He’s now giving ME the silent treatment.

Leave
SecretDoor · 03/01/2022 21:05

You don't deserve any of it. And he doesn't deserve you. Please leave as soon as it's safe to do so.

me4real · 03/01/2022 21:08

You're making the right decision @Peanutbuttermandms x Sounds worse than my dad- what a nightmare.

Pinkbonbon · 03/01/2022 21:11

Time to go!

You know who punch walls? Sociopaths.

It's not to release anger, it's a deliberate intimidation tactic.

And the rambling on and on about what you've supposedly 'done wrong' is deliberately to wear you down and break your spirit.

He is a nasty bully.
Get out and never look back.

It's not your fault he is an asshole.
And women are not rehab for damaged men.

2bazookas · 03/01/2022 21:23

I am so relieved to see you have another place to go to.

Please go.