Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

My boyfriend acting shady about me meeting his friends

64 replies

Sofi31 · 03/01/2022 17:08

My bf and I have met each other’s family over Christmas but I’ve not met his friends. He has met mine. I wasn’t overly pushy about this as I wanted to meet his family first.

There have been times when I’ve found out afterwards in the past where he has invited his friends and their gfs on nights out/at at his house and I never was invited. He would always say you wouldn’t like it as we were drinking (I’m not a big drinker) etc.

He mentioned that he has invited his friends and their gfs over to his house and he’s cooking for everyone next week and if I wanted to join them, I could. I said yes.

When we were discussing plans about when we seeing each other next, he said he’s busy seeing his friends (this is day he invited them to his house) so could I see him the following day instead.

Clearly he didn’t want me there. I didn’t say anything as I felt slightly embarrassed.

Fast forward to the bank holiday, he told me that he and friends have made plans to go out into town, get some food drinks. He said I’m welcome to join. I said yes, I’d love to. And I asked where I can meet them. 20 mins later I received a text to say, he’s just found out everywhere is closed, they drove past few places and the pubs looked closed so they will go into town first and then let me know if I should go or not.

I said to him that I thought most places like that are open on a bank holiday and he said yes but not where he is. I told him that it seems like he doesn’t want me to meet his friends and if that is case then he should just be honest. It’s all very confusing so is he fobbing me off or am I over reacting?

OP posts:
Aquamarine1029 · 03/01/2022 18:56

Why are you tolerating this shit?

DoodleBelle · 03/01/2022 19:01

I had a boyfriend like this when I was 19 he was an awful person and it really took me a long time to recover my sense of self afterwards. Please don’t put up with this any longer, it won’t get any better.

bedheadedzombie · 03/01/2022 19:02

He is so NOT into you. A man who found someone he is serious about will want to show her off to everyone. A man who is serious about you will make sure you know that and will not play games.

Stop wasting your time.

Sofi31 · 03/01/2022 19:39

His friends know as he has posted 2 pics of us on social media and I’ve met his family.

It seems like he is doing something with his friends that he doesn’t want me to see or he’s ashamed of me.

I made a point of saying I wanted to go out with them and kept pushing for a time to meet them.

OP posts:
anonanonanon123 · 03/01/2022 19:39

How old are you? I'd be willing to bet they all take coke and he knows you won't and won't approve so doesn't want you there. Has he ever stayed at yours after a night out?

youvegottenminuteslynn · 03/01/2022 19:41

Do they all do coke socially and he knows you wouldn't approve?

Sofi31 · 03/01/2022 19:42

I’ve heard stories about his past so could be drugs but I’ve not seen anything with my own eyes

OP posts:
Sofi31 · 03/01/2022 19:42

I’m in my 30s

OP posts:
Raychelle · 03/01/2022 19:43

Wow!!! I thought you were gonna say this is a 6 months relationship! He’s hiding something for sure, could he be into drugs? Maybe he has another girlfriend? Does he think you’d not fit in? Are you from similar social backgrounds etc?

What did he say when you said you felt like he didn’t want you to meet his friends?

Sofi31 · 03/01/2022 19:46

He basically tried to say, why wouldn’t I want you to meet my friends and in the same breath, told me to wait at home and he will go see if anywhere is open.

Even if that was the case, his friends would be going back to his house anyway so I didn’t even get an invite there which is just as embarrassing.

OP posts:
Riverlee · 03/01/2022 19:48

1 1/2 years! I thought you were going to say a few weeks or even months.

Is his ex part of his social circle, or do they know something he doesn’t want you to know about?

Maybe next he is meeting his friends, find out the details and turn up. Bluff it out. Or if you don’t feel confident going there alone, go with a friend and just happen to be going for a drink at the same pub…

Sofi31 · 03/01/2022 19:48

I don’t think it’s another woman as I’ve met his family and his social media has my pics up in a relationship. I think it’s drugs or something he shouldn’t be doing that he knows I wouldn’t not approve of. Maybe excessively drinking which he did in the past etc

OP posts:
Riverlee · 03/01/2022 19:48

Is he controlling in any other part of your relationship?

Sofi31 · 03/01/2022 19:49

His friends are not part of his ex. They are not the same circle of friends. Something is not adding up.

OP posts:
Sofi31 · 03/01/2022 19:49

He isn’t controlling. He’s very chilled easy going but he keeps his friends separate to me and his family.

OP posts:
Teeturtle · 03/01/2022 19:51

@Sofi31

His friends know as he has posted 2 pics of us on social media and I’ve met his family.

It seems like he is doing something with his friends that he doesn’t want me to see or he’s ashamed of me.

I made a point of saying I wanted to go out with them and kept pushing for a time to meet them.

I don’t know what his reason is, but he certainly has a reason why he is keeping you from meeting his friends and I can’t think of any good reasons. As you have been pushing it lately, he has pretended it is going to happen a couple of times, but he has still made sure it has not.

He is treating you like a second class citizen in this relationship, don’t let him disrespect you any more.

Suzi888 · 03/01/2022 19:58

It’s very rude, he’s also wasting your time. There’s something up, you just don’t know what….
I’d cut and run, if he’s like this now I can’t see things improving.

Failingallotmenteur · 03/01/2022 20:00

This is going to sound harsh but I don't think there's any benefit in beating around the bush here.

I was expecting you to say you were early 20s and this relationship had been a couple of months.

You're in your 30s and you've been with this guy for one and a half years, and he's been holding you off meeting his friends with ridiculous excuses. If you want marriage, kids, you don't have time to mess around. Stop wasting your time trying to unpick what possible reason he might have for not wanting you as a full part of his life. It doesn't matter. His actions tell you he isn't fully committing to you. That's enough. Why have you put up with this for so long?

Throw this one back in the sea, OP. Don't waste any more time trying make this man into someone he plainly doesn't want to be. Sorry.

morbidd · 03/01/2022 20:06

All you can do is ask him...

ListeningButNotHearing · 03/01/2022 20:07

Why are you letting yourself be put through this crap situation?

Dump him and with respect raise your standards.

Morgan12 · 03/01/2022 20:11

Probably doing coke

EvenMoreFuriousVexation · 03/01/2022 20:17

He's a fucking liar, everything was open yesterday. Pubs and bars are desperate for trade, why the fuck would they close on a bank holiday. Its an insult how gullible he thinks you are.

My money would be on him being a small time dealer and his friends expect him to keep the idiot powder coke flowing.

I can't stand coke heads so I'd be binning him off for that alone, leave aside the disrespectful inviting/uninviting crap.

HailAdrian · 03/01/2022 20:23

Pubs and bars are desperate for trade, why the fuck would they close on a bank holiday.

We were closed lol.

Riverlee · 03/01/2022 20:26

@Failingallotmenteur

This is going to sound harsh but I don't think there's any benefit in beating around the bush here.

I was expecting you to say you were early 20s and this relationship had been a couple of months.

You're in your 30s and you've been with this guy for one and a half years, and he's been holding you off meeting his friends with ridiculous excuses. If you want marriage, kids, you don't have time to mess around. Stop wasting your time trying to unpick what possible reason he might have for not wanting you as a full part of his life. It doesn't matter. His actions tell you he isn't fully committing to you. That's enough. Why have you put up with this for so long?

Throw this one back in the sea, OP. Don't waste any more time trying make this man into someone he plainly doesn't want to be. Sorry.

Good advice
Pinkbonbon · 03/01/2022 20:27

Are you sure he HAS friends?

Maybe he doesn't and is embarrassed about it so he makes some up.