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Original poster

Sulking BF.. Was I wrong to tell the truth?

72 replies

Imjustdone · 03/01/2022 14:58

My BF of 5 years asked me last night "when was the happiest you've ever been" my reply was "when I left my ex"

Now he's completely turned it around and stopped off home because I told him I was happiest on my own and not with him.. Not really what I said.

When I tried to explain why he didnt want to listen spent all of yesterday in a strop then got up and went home a little while ago..

I wish I would have just said "when I met you babe".. I've had 33 years of my life before him is it wrong that the happiest I was was when I left a awful controlling relationship and finally had my own place and freedom and peace?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratchett · 03/01/2022 16:12

I don't know if he's a whiney, sulky baby normally. If he is, dump. It can be your second happiest day.

If he's not, you can try to explain, adult to adult, that it's the contrast which made you happy (extremally unhappy to happy) not an absolute. If he can't understand why gaining back control over your own life is happiness-inducing, he may be too stupid to date.

PermanentTemporary · 03/01/2022 16:16

Sounds like it caught him at the wrong moment but he's reacting very childishly.

I do tell white lies - no romantic partner of mine will ever hear the truth about the best sex I've ever had for example - but I will also say that the Sunday after I left my first husband was the happiest day of my life. I would have thought that most people whove been in LTRs would know what you mean.

Luredbyapomegranate · 03/01/2022 16:16

Well you could have phrased it better, and wrapped him in. Stomping off home is childish though. Leave it till tomorrow and he’ll have calmed down.

Momijin · 03/01/2022 16:19

It really annoys me when people ask a question that they only want one answer to.

I was happier at the beginning of relationships with my exes than I was with my current bf because I'm not young and innocent anymore and I have more perspective. But I would hate to be with my exes and I am happier with him than without him.

Not that you need to explain yourself but maybe write him a message telling him that (also you only appreciate being pain free when you have just stopped being in pain). But also reassure him that you are happier being with him than not.

cstaff · 03/01/2022 17:35

So he asked you an open question with no right or wrong answer but you said the wrong thing. Fucking child

morbidd · 03/01/2022 17:51

What a loser.

Colourmeclear · 03/01/2022 18:21

His reaction is over the top and completely unjustified. I can understand why it might have perturbed but nothing on a scale that can't be resolved with adult communication.

bongobingo43 · 03/01/2022 18:30

His reaction is completely over the top but i can see why he's offended if he's interpreted your words in a certain way....

"He does make me happy and I want to be and stay with him but that doesn't take away from the fact that the happiest time of my life was before I met him.."

If he's taken this as you saying you were happier single than you are with him, he might be wondering why you're even with him, I.e. you'd be happier alone

Is there something in particular that this was a happier period for you as that might make it easier for him to understand it's not personal

For example, the happiest time of my life was before I met DP but that's because my Dd was born healthy after years of struggling to conceive and it being a very high risk pregnancy

TheFoundation · 03/01/2022 18:31

You left an abusive relationship and it made you happy. Now you are considering whether you ought to have lied to placate a partner's sulking.

Can you not see the link between the two relationships, and your response to poor behaviour in a partner?

saraclara · 03/01/2022 18:33

@Luredbyapomegranate

Well you could have phrased it better, and wrapped him in. Stomping off home is childish though. Leave it till tomorrow and he’ll have calmed down.
Why? Why should she have lied instead of answering a question honestly?

I can only imagine the euphoria on escaping an abusive relationship. It will have been very different from the longer term contentment type of happiness that one feels in a loving relationship.

If someone asked me when I was happiest, I wouldn't be thinking about a period of years. I'd be thinking of a moment of intense feeling. And my answer would be nothing to do with my very happy marriage.

bongobingo43 · 03/01/2022 18:40

I can only imagine the euphoria on escaping an abusive relationship. It will have been very different from the longer term contentment type of happiness that one feels in a loving relationship.

I think the key is to how it was phrased, I.e. if she said her happiest moment was escaping an abusive relationship and finally being free. Then this is more than fair and he is 100% bring insecure and has no right to sulk over this. I'd actually consider ending it based on that behaviour

However, if her answer was simply "I was happiest when I was single" then I can understand why his feelings have been hurt

IntermittentParps · 03/01/2022 18:42

If my DP asked me that (which I can't imagine him doing) and I said what you did, he'd either joke about it and say 'You mean it wasn't when you met me?!' and we'd laugh about it; or, if I'd left a controlling relationship and he knew that, he'd totally get it.

saraclara · 03/01/2022 18:50

However, if her answer was simply "I was happiest when I was single"..

But it wasn't. Her answer was "when I left my ex"
'When I left' includes an active verb. The act of leaving.

Potatodrivers · 03/01/2022 18:54

Well his reaction is a possible red flag!
Leave him to it and see if he comes round himself. If he carries on sulking and brings it up repeatedly then it's probably worth telling him to do one.

Original poster
Imjustdone · 03/01/2022 19:15

He can't see it any other way then me meaning when I was single and not with him.

That's not what I said. He knows how unhappy I was with DDs father for a few years before I left so thought he would understand that leaving him and getting our (mine and dd's) first home and actually having a life was a great accomplishment and why I would say that's the happiest I've ever been.

I doesn't take away that fact I love my BF very much and I am happy with him.

OP posts:
TheFoundation · 03/01/2022 19:20

Has he sulked about other things? It's not healthy behaviour.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/01/2022 19:24

He can't see it any other way then me meaning when I was single and not with him.

He's choosing not to. I'd be wary of a man who wants to own your whole life, all your emotions. And he either wants you to lie or he wants you to use a time machine and change your life. What bollocks.

DH and I joke about DD, "I'd throw you in front of a train for her", "I'd use you as a human shield". It's about how much we love DD, not about not loving each other.

Potatodrivers · 03/01/2022 19:26

He can see it other ways. He just doesn't want to, otherwise he would have no reason to sulk.

You said the conversation stemmed from you saying you're the happiest you've ever been. So that should have made it clear to him right then that you are happier where you are currently, which includes him.

crestar · 03/01/2022 19:45

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Original poster
Imjustdone · 03/01/2022 20:16

@crestar how was I suppose to say the truth without being him being hurt.. I though it was diplomatic saying it was when I left my ex.. Not when I was on my own!

And if I had asked the question and he had given me that answer I would have totally understood why. Which is why I'm struggling to understand his complete, in my opinion, over reaction.

OP posts:
TurquoiseDragon · 03/01/2022 21:19

My BF of 5 years asked me last night "when was the happiest you've ever been" my reply was "when I left my ex"

I completely understand why you said that. I left my abuser after 30 years, and the sheer, utter relief of being in a house without him in it, and that he had no access to, was immense.

And your BF stropping off and sulking for a whole day is raising red flags to me.

MrsTerryPratchett · 03/01/2022 22:25

@crestar

Well, you must admit that it wasn't the most diplomatic of answers was it..........?

Had this been an answer given by a man, the Mumsnet Karen's would have been out in force saying to LTB, he's selfish and only thinks of himself, puts himself first, isn't worthy of your time, addicted to porn, etc, etc, etc

ODFOD Mumsnet Karens you enormous misogynist.
freeatlast2021 · 03/01/2022 22:37

He is a man child seeking attention. You did not do anything wrong and what you said was in no way offensive to him, so no need for you to either apologize or feel bad about it. Do not explain anything to him either. I would just sit back and wait for him to come and apologize to ME. If he does not, dump his sorry ass. He is not worth the trouble.

MerryChristmas21 · 03/01/2022 23:21

I can see both sides to be honest. I'd want my partner to say something with me, but I'd never ask him because he has children (not mine) & I'd hope he'd say when they were born, BUT his first live had a sad ending & it wouldn't surprise me if it was something to do with her (which I'd understand because it was young live without much responsibility & was ended before they'd lived together longer enough to get fed up of wet towels left on the floor).

Likewise my happiest time was with an ex who I thought was the forever deal, when I was young & our whole life was ahead of us.

Doesn't mean I'm not happy with my partner, but I'll never be that young, that optimistic about life, in live & trusting ever again 🤷🏻‍♀️

Definitely don't ask questions you might not like the answer to!!

AnotherSillawithanS · 03/01/2022 23:33

Aw, try and put yourself in his shoes.
No need for a strop but I can see how it would have stung.

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